Warner Bros. looking to be courting the ever so dreamy Johnny Depp to take the lead in the big screen adaptation of Glen Gold's book "Carter Beats the Devil". The story, which is a fictional biography about a magician who somehow gets involved with the death of President Warren G. Harding during his long career. I hope that magician had dreamy eyes in the book, cause there's no hiding those beautiful peepers of Depp's. Am I right? Am I? Let's move on.
Fresh out of jail writer Roger Avary has been hired to adapt William Faulkner's 1931 novel "Sanctuary" for the big screen. For those of you not familiar with the book I'll go ahead and say there's no way in hell my explanation would clear anything up so let's just say it's chock full of murder, pervs and violence. I think there might be some animal sex too. I'm not positive. Let's just say there is. Better safe than sorry.
Here's something I never thought I'd type. The trailer for the new MTV show looks pretty decent. I know it's like crazy upside down day. But "Death Valley" has some potential. It's a fake cops type show that follows a special until of the LAPD as they battle zombies, werewolves, vampires and god knows what else. Some decent talent in there also. I think I need to go lie down.
Yesterday we talked about some details about the new "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D" film and from the overflow of comments it looks like you were all pretty excited. So today I bring you a release day. Yes there's no new "Saw" this year so Texas 3D is picking up the torch and getting an October 5th release date in theaters. And yes I know I've called it "Leatherface 3D" also but you know what? So has every other site of the god damn internet so get off my back.
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Expose yourself to an entire wedding from a 4th floor window once and that's just good plain fun but doing it multiple times, well that'll get you tossed in jail. Of course I assume people exposing themselves is common practice for a wedding in Pennsylvania. The Amish ya know... those sick SOBs.
Oh why can't every day be mother's day? Here's a story about a woman who along with a friend decided the best way to feed their meth habit was by pimping out her 3 year old son. Then again I assume pimping out your child to feed your meth habit is common practice in Oklahoma. Sooners ya know... those sick SOBs.
Some details around the upcoming "Leatherface 3D" film have been released and it sounds like some big changes are on the way. First, the film will take place in present day Texas and secondly it sounds like Leatherface gets offed right at the beginning of the film... sort of. I mean the name of the movie is "Leatherface 3D" so he's got to be in it, right? They wouldn't do that would they? Oh god I'm so afraid.
Nick Searcy, who you might remember as "Uncredited" in the film "Eagle Eye" has signed on to star in the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Metamorphosis", a book by Franz Kafka. For those of you who didn't have to read this in High School, the book is about a young boy who finds himself transforming into a cockroach. Now that I describe this I realize it's kind of weird that I had to read this in High School. Am I the only who who had to stay after school for private lessons from a teacher who refused to wear pants? He said it was normal.
For those of you who didn't get a chance to fork over 80 bucks to see Kevin Smith's "Red State" I'm happy to report the movie will hit VOD, and I assume every torrent site, on September 5th of this year. Along with that the movie will get a limited release in October. Some showings will reportedly feature live streaming Q&A sessions which I'm guessing will actually just be about 5 minutes of Kevin Smith rambling about how "indie" he is followed by 30 minutes of him shoveling pizza down his fat gullet.
Thomas Jane, the poor man's Lorenzo Lamas, has signed on to play a role in a new werewolf movie set in the 1700's titled "The Lycan". Not many details other than that have been released and no word as of yet if Jane will actually get to become a werewolf soooo... How's things with you? Any big vacations plans for the summer?
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A Florida man is facing animal cruelty charges after he was caught making sweet sweet love to the family dog. Who caught him going to sexy town with Fido you might ask? Why his grandson of course! It's really the only way this story could be any more wrong, isn't it.
And here's a story about a woman who sprayed police with breast milk after they tried to break up a domestic dispute going on at her house. And I thought there was no way today could get any sexier.
Hey do you like sexy ladies doing sexy dances? Sure, we all do! Well here's a new clip from "Mother's Day" which not only has that but also some creepy looking guys enjoying the show said sexy girl played by Briana Evigan is putting on. "Mother's Day" has no specific release date but should see the light of day sometime before the end of the summer. You should have read this entire post in the voice of Sally Struthers.
If there's one thing that "Repo! The Genetic Opera" taught us it's that not even Bill Moseley can save a crappy movie. But none the less he's been cast in the upcoming film "Leatherface 3D" in the role of Drayton, a nod to the role Jim Siedow played in the first two Texas Chainsaw films. So maybe old Billy boy can make this one magical. Maybe the next "2001 Maniacs" will win an Oscar, too.
I've never hid the fact that I believe Dennis Quaid is a cold blooded killer in real life. So I like to think the new movie "Beneath the Darkness" is something of a cry for help from the people in Hollywood who know the truth. In the movie Quaid plays a local hero who is actually turns out to be a psychopathic killer. This might be a documentary.
And lastly here's a new trailer for "Cowboys & Aliens" which hits theaters on July 29th. The trailer is chock full of, you guessed it, aliens and cowboys. Not necessarily in that order. But there's also about a half second shot of what looks to be a nude Olivia Wilde. Or it might of been Giada De Laurentiis from The Food Network. I always get those two mixed up.
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It's been a long long time since a news story actually made me chuckle but here's a heartwarming tale about a 18 year old New York kid who has been brought up charges after he tried to move his girlfriend's family into a mansion that he didn't own. Apparently he tried to convince them he inherited the house and even brought them over to show them the place. Unfortunately the real owners showed up during all this and ruined the entire thing. Party poopers.
There's tons or stories out there about pit bulls going ape shit and messing people up but I think this is the first time I've seen a story about two pit bulls that actually ripped a man's arm off. Don't worry, there's a happy ending to the whole thing though. That's right, they killed the dogs. Are you smiling now?
Charlie Hunnam, who you might know from "Sons of Anarchy" AKA the only show still keeping me a man, has signed on to Guillermo del Toro's "Pacific Rim". The movie will be set in a future where giant monsters threaten to destroy the earth. Hunnam will most likely play some dreamy hunk who saves the day and I will most likely have to turn to my wife every time he's on screen and ask her what the hell she's looking at.
Speaking of men my wife would leave me for, Colin Hanks had signed on to the cast of season 6 of "Dexter". No word on what sort of role Hanks will play in the upcoming season that airs in October but if I'm a betting man I'd say he'll be the ying to Dexter's yang. No I don't understand what that means either.
Absolutely no one is excited about "Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation" but yet it's still being made and now there's trailers to prove it. Wait did you say you wanted to see Sarah Palin impersonations 3 years after they were relevant? No?! Well you're getting them anyway. God bless America.
The latest director's name to be tossed into the "Leatherface 3D" hat is John Luessenhop and from his IMDB page I can confirm he owns at least one awesome suit. The film will pick up directly where the original remake of the original (confused?) left off and then will jump ahead 35 years. That may or may not put them in the future. I'm awful with numbers.
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A Tennessee women is under arrest after leaving her 8 year old son home alone. In her defense she did leave a movie on for the little bugger. Her big mistake though was picking a movie that was too short because once the film ended her son picked up the phone and dialed 911. Always put on "The Godfather" trilogy when you abandon your kids. I can't stress that enough.
Evan Spiliotopoulos, who you know as the writer of the sequel to 75% of the greatest Disney cartoons has been tapped direct "Ouija". McG has already been announced as the director of the flick based on the Hasbro board game that has allowed me to speak to George Burns from beyond the grave. Every night I force him to explain to me what it was like on the set of "Oh, God!". I think he's starting to get pretty sick of it.
If you picked up "Portal 2" yesterday then you probably already know this, but for those of you who have a day job and can't spend all night being called a "Noob" by some 11 year old Australian kid over XBox Live, it might be interesting to know that Mr. J.J. Abrams has included a pretty cool interactive trailer for "Super 8" in the extras section of the game. So maybe go pick up the game, huh? Or just Google the video... it's a lot cheaper.
John Luessenhop, who looks like a guy who would be described as "a quiet man" on a news report announcing he murdered his family and ate them, is in talks to possibly direct the upcoming "Leatherface 3D" hot pocket. The nugget is a sequel to the 2003 "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake. Did I mention the movie is going to be in 3D? And I talked about the creepy murderer director, right? Are you as excited as I am? Probably.
Leven Rambin has been cast in the upcoming flick "Hunger Games" in the role of Glimmer. Jennifer Lawrence will play District 12's Katniss Everdeen and the two will apparently battle to the death. This will apparently be the first film in a series that I have absolutely no idea about and if I'm being honest I haven't understood one thing I've talked about in this little blurb. I'm so confused.
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If you're trying to win over a judge at your divorce hearing so you can say get custody of the family dog or something you might want to avoid beating the hell out of your soon to be ex-wife in the judges chambers. I don't know, I'm not lawyer though so what do I know.
An air traffic controller has been suspended after he was watching "Cleaner" on a portable DVD player while he was suppose to be directing traffic. Was he suspended because it was "Cleaner" or just because he was watching a movie in general? I've never seen or even heard of "Cleaner" actually, is it that bad?