As with many of its 70's horror franchise contemporaries, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" has become a series whose present continues to lose connection with its past, even as new entries stumble over themselves to pay homage to their roots. In 1974, Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel captured lightning in a bottle with a chaotic, nasty film about a family of cannibals living deep in the heart of Texas.
Charlie Hunnam, who you might know from "Sons of Anarchy" AKA the only show still keeping me a man, has signed on to Guillermo del Toro's "Pacific Rim". The movie will be set in a future where giant monsters threaten to destroy the earth. Hunnam will most likely play some dreamy hunk who saves the day and I will most likely have to turn to my wife every time he's on screen and ask her what the hell she's looking at.
Speaking of men my wife would leave me for, Colin Hanks had signed on to the cast of season 6 of "Dexter". No word on what sort of role Hanks will play in the upcoming season that airs in October but if I'm a betting man I'd say he'll be the ying to Dexter's yang. No I don't understand what that means either.
Absolutely no one is excited about "Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation" but yet it's still being made and now there's trailers to prove it. Wait did you say you wanted to see Sarah Palin impersonations 3 years after they were relevant? No?! Well you're getting them anyway. God bless America.
The latest director's name to be tossed into the "Leatherface 3D" hat is John Luessenhop and from his IMDB page I can confirm he owns at least one awesome suit. The film will pick up directly where the original remake of the original (confused?) left off and then will jump ahead 35 years. That may or may not put them in the future. I'm awful with numbers.
In Real People News:
A Tennessee women is under arrest after leaving her 8 year old son home alone. In her defense she did leave a movie on for the little bugger. Her big mistake though was picking a movie that was too short because once the film ended her son picked up the phone and dialed 911. Always put on "The Godfather" trilogy when you abandon your kids. I can't stress that enough.
Evan Spiliotopoulos, who you know as the writer of the sequel to 75% of the greatest Disney cartoons has been tapped direct "Ouija". McG has already been announced as the director of the flick based on the Hasbro board game that has allowed me to speak to George Burns from beyond the grave. Every night I force him to explain to me what it was like on the set of "Oh, God!". I think he's starting to get pretty sick of it.
If you picked up "Portal 2" yesterday then you probably already know this, but for those of you who have a day job and can't spend all night being called a "Noob" by some 11 year old Australian kid over XBox Live, it might be interesting to know that Mr. J.J. Abrams has included a pretty cool interactive trailer for "Super 8" in the extras section of the game. So maybe go pick up the game, huh? Or just Google the video... it's a lot cheaper.
John Luessenhop, who looks like a guy who would be described as "a quiet man" on a news report announcing he murdered his family and ate them, is in talks to possibly direct the upcoming "Leatherface 3D" hot pocket. The nugget is a sequel to the 2003 "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake. Did I mention the movie is going to be in 3D? And I talked about the creepy murderer director, right? Are you as excited as I am? Probably.
Leven Rambin has been cast in the upcoming flick "Hunger Games" in the role of Glimmer. Jennifer Lawrence will play District 12's Katniss Everdeen and the two will apparently battle to the death. This will apparently be the first film in a series that I have absolutely no idea about and if I'm being honest I haven't understood one thing I've talked about in this little blurb. I'm so confused.
In Real People News:
If you're trying to win over a judge at your divorce hearing so you can say get custody of the family dog or something you might want to avoid beating the hell out of your soon to be ex-wife in the judges chambers. I don't know, I'm not lawyer though so what do I know.
An air traffic controller has been suspended after he was watching "Cleaner" on a portable DVD player while he was suppose to be directing traffic. Was he suspended because it was "Cleaner" or just because he was watching a movie in general? I've never seen or even heard of "Cleaner" actually, is it that bad?