Just because I've defected to the Midwest doesn't mean I'm any less heartbroken to see my beloved New Jersey and New York in it's current state. If you can please hop over to The American Red Cross and give what you can. If you do I promise not to ever post anything serious here again.
The good folks behind the new "Hitchcock" flick, about the relationship between the legendary director and his wife during the making of "Psycho", have launched a new site where you can insert yourself into the film's poster. The film doesn't hit theaters for another few weeks so hurry up and you might be able to convince your dumb cousin that you're actually in the movie.
"Castle Wolfenstein", the classic video game that spawned numerous sequels and was a leading cause in me not seeing sunlight as a child, is finally making it's way to the big screen. Roger Avary is already locked in to write and direct the film about a US army captain and a British special agent who battle the SS paranormal division in a plot to take down Hitler. Sounds like every kid's dream.
A new documentary about the making of 1989's classic horror film "Pet Sematary" is in the works. Currently titled "Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary" the doc will feature cast and crew interviews, visits to filming locations and a look at the film's reception. I swear to god I still have nightmares about Zelda. Did you even notice she kind of looks like Bethenny Frankel? I'm sorry that's awful.
If I were to give you 100 guesses as to the plot of the new film titled "Cold Patrol" I don't think you would come anywhere close. That's because it's about a team of military dog sledders who end up battling zombie polar bears. You read that right. Oh sure now you're saying you would have guessed that somewhere around 47 or so but that's bull crap. You've always been a filthy liar. Look for this one on DVD sometime in Spring of 2013.
In Real People News:
Here's a video of what looks like a UFO flying into a volcano. Good news! We don't need to worry about the alien invasion because they're all idiots.
That classic Johnny Cash line "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die" isn't nearly as bad as when Cash is replaced with a 12 year old boy and the "man" is replaced with a dog. Oh and the kid didn't shoot his dog he hung it. Nothing bad ass about that at all.
Warner Bros. looking to be courting the ever so dreamy Johnny Depp to take the lead in the big screen adaptation of Glen Gold's book "Carter Beats the Devil". The story, which is a fictional biography about a magician who somehow gets involved with the death of President Warren G. Harding during his long career. I hope that magician had dreamy eyes in the book, cause there's no hiding those beautiful peepers of Depp's. Am I right? Am I? Let's move on.
Fresh out of jail writer Roger Avary has been hired to adapt William Faulkner's 1931 novel "Sanctuary" for the big screen. For those of you not familiar with the book I'll go ahead and say there's no way in hell my explanation would clear anything up so let's just say it's chock full of murder, pervs and violence. I think there might be some animal sex too. I'm not positive. Let's just say there is. Better safe than sorry.
Here's something I never thought I'd type. The trailer for the new MTV show looks pretty decent. I know it's like crazy upside down day. But "Death Valley" has some potential. It's a fake cops type show that follows a special until of the LAPD as they battle zombies, werewolves, vampires and god knows what else. Some decent talent in there also. I think I need to go lie down.
Yesterday we talked about some details about the new "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D" film and from the overflow of comments it looks like you were all pretty excited. So today I bring you a release day. Yes there's no new "Saw" this year so Texas 3D is picking up the torch and getting an October 5th release date in theaters. And yes I know I've called it "Leatherface 3D" also but you know what? So has every other site of the god damn internet so get off my back.
In Real People News:
Expose yourself to an entire wedding from a 4th floor window once and that's just good plain fun but doing it multiple times, well that'll get you tossed in jail. Of course I assume people exposing themselves is common practice for a wedding in Pennsylvania. The Amish ya know... those sick SOBs.
Oh why can't every day be mother's day? Here's a story about a woman who along with a friend decided the best way to feed their meth habit was by pimping out her 3 year old son. Then again I assume pimping out your child to feed your meth habit is common practice in Oklahoma. Sooners ya know... those sick SOBs.