The Amityville Horror

9 Horrible Horror Dads

Jack Nicholdson in "The Shining"

Happy Father's Day weekend everyone! It's that time of year where you buy your dad an ugly tie, socks, or just a new flask so he can cope with being a parent a little while longer. The horror genre also has dads all throughout its film lore. Ranging from virus spreading buffoons, to simple child murderers. Real stand up gentlemen these patriarchs. SPOILERS abound, but here are 9 Horrible Horror Dads.


9. The Mist

The Father Figure: David Drayton played by Thomas Jane

Horror Headlines: Monday May 16th, 2011

I've never hidden that fact that I want to make a sweet sweet baby with the original "The Amityville Horror" and now I'm giddy with delight over the green lighting of "The Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes". The movie, which is set for a 2012 release, will focus on a journalist trying to uncover the true story behind the house after the events of the first film. Will it be awful? Mostly likely but F you, I want to see some bleeding walls!

Universal has decided to push the start date of Ron Howard's adaptation of Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" after rumors were flying around that they might pass on the 3 movie series all together. Why would they do this? I don't know, I'm not allowed in these meetings. Have you seen my wardrobe? They're not going to let a jackass in dirty jeans and a "Don't Mess With Texas" t-shirt into a big fancy executive meeting.

I'm a cynical asshole, by nature, and because of that it pains me more than anything else in the world to admit the trailer for the "Fright Night" remake actually looks really really good. And I'm not even saying that because Colin Farrell is a dreamy SOB. On a side note. When the hell did we find out this movie was going to be in 3D? I could have sworn two weeks ago we found out the cast. Now it's releasing in August? Where the hell have I been?!

Danielle Harris has become the go to gal for horror movies that aren't going to be released in theaters so here's the trailer for "Shiver", a horror movie she stars in that I'm 99% sure is only going to play in 17 theaters across the country. What the hell do I know though, it's got the guy from "Starship Troopers". Anyway the film focuses on a secretary who fights back after being assaulted by a serial killer. Rae Dawn Chong is in it too... take that however you want.

In Real People News: 

Sometimes there's a news story that's so awful it just makes you smile. Then it makes you try to figure out what the hell is wrong with you for smiling. Here's a story about an Illinois man who had a house guest who wouldn't leave. So he tossed gasoline on him and lit him on fire. Are you smiling? Yeah you are you sick prick.

And because I get a kick out of making you feel like you need another shower, here's a story about a guy who is being forced to undergo evaluation after he slapped and rubbed the genitals of his pet Chihuahua in the common area of his apartment complex. Are you still smiling? You belong in hell... sicko.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 8th, 2011

There are few things in the world that pain me more than to say the new trailer for Kevin Smith's "Red State" looks really good. I had to go to Smith's twitter account and read him talking about how much he loves being "indie" and eating ham sandwiches just to get back into the right state of mind.

As a youngin there's few movies I loved more then the original "The Amityville Horror". Mostly because it was suppose to be based on a true story and anytime a kid hears that a house bleeds they get excited. Well now there's a new documentary titled "My Amityville Horror" that focuses on the real life events that inspired the original book and movie, from the perspective of the Lutz's children. Tickle me excited.

Hoarders are so hot right now so it stands to reason that Tom Petty's daughter would make a horror movie about them. There's a sentence I never thought I'd write. The film being directed by Adria Petty is called "Suffocate" and focuses on a group of city workers who enter the house of a hoarder to find it full of booby traps and copies of "Full Moon Fever". The second part might be a lie but I'd be willing to be a good hoarder has at least one or two copies floating around.

In a recent interview Aaron Eckhart stated that "Battle: Los Angeles" is "the most badass f***ing alien movie you’ve ever seen in your life." I see no way that this kind of thing could ever come back to bite him in the ass. From the trailers alone I can say this movie is going to be 10 times more "badass" thsn films like "Alien" and "Predator". Put it in the books people!

In Real People News: 

A 46 year old women in Naples Florida was taken into custody this past Saturday after she was throwing rocks at people and removing her teeth so she could throw them into the water. Oh, she was naked too... But you could've probably guessed that. Doing that kind of thing fully clothed would have just been weird.

What we do when we're drunk is really only limited by our imagination. Me, I usually go for White Castle and play video games. Others, like this guy in Virgina have access to a fire truck so he took the bull by the horns and had a joy ride with the giant truck at 2 am. My guess is this happens a lot in areas where there's no White Castles.

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