Did you know they were remaking “Pet Sematary”? I didn't. I just learned that, like, two minutes ago. It's apparently going to be rewritten by Matthew Greenberg, writer of the failed King adaptation “1408” and the failed “Halloween” entry “H20”. Who do you think they'll get to “reimagine” the catchy theme song, originally performed by the Ramones? I'm, hoping it's Justin Bieber, so at least I'll have something new to masturbate to. That sexy twink is pure rape-bait!
According to MTV, Wesley Snipes would like to see a “Blade 4”. Sadly, no one else does. (OK, that was mean. The truth of the matter is that I love all three “Blade” flicks and would love to see a fourth. Sometimes the prerequisite cynicism of this gig eats away at me, forcing me to do or say things I don't mean to. Mr. Snipes, please, if the offer arises, make a new “Blade” and I will be first in line, no questions asked. (This promise also applies if you make “Passenger 58” or “Jungle Fever 2: Still Cravin' That White Meat”.))
I know that, because you're an imbecilic horror fan, you probably only listen to bands like Magick Karkass and Devilwhipper, but, if you can expand your musical horizons for two Goddamned minutes, neo-outlaw country singer Shooter Jennings' latest album, “Black Ribbons” is out. Why should this appeal to the oh-so-picky likes of you? Because “Maximum Overdrive” director Stephen King narrates the anti-New World Order-themed album as radio DJ “Will O' the Wisp”, who is about to lose his job as the airwaves is overtaken by 'government-approved and regulated transmissions.' I'm taking a moment to be serious here: this is a damn good album and, quite honestly, better than anything you're listening to right now.