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9 Horrible Horror Dads

Jack Nicholdson in "The Shining"

Happy Father's Day weekend everyone! It's that time of year where you buy your dad an ugly tie, socks, or just a new flask so he can cope with being a parent a little while longer. The horror genre also has dads all throughout its film lore. Ranging from virus spreading buffoons, to simple child murderers. Real stand up gentlemen these patriarchs. SPOILERS abound, but here are 9 Horrible Horror Dads.


9. The Mist

The Father Figure: David Drayton played by Thomas Jane

Horror Headlines: Monday, January 9th, 2012

Do people still use the word "cherry" to describe their virginity? Ya know like, "I totally lost my cherry to Johnny by the dumpster after last week's dance"? Anyway when I was little I always thought I would lose my cherry to The Jeff Healey Band's timeless classic "Angel Eyes". For those of you not familiar with Jeff Healey he's the blind guitar player who was in "Road House". If you're not familiar with "Road House" then there isn't much I can do for you.

Apparently my opinion means nothing because the National Society of Film Critics has named Lars Von Trier's "Melancholia" as their number one film of 2011. What that actually means I couldn't tell you but "Drive Angry" is nowhere to be found on the list so I'm calling the entire thing bullshit.

I continue to cover "Underworld: Awakening" news only because Eric has now already gone on record that it will be his number 1 film for 2012. So here's a new clip from the film for Eric to enjoy. It's got Kate Beckinsale blowing some crap up and running around in a cat suit. I assume at least. I didn't really watch them. These were specifically made for Eric.

The only thing I know about "The Grey" is that Liam Neeson fights a bunch of wolves in it. I have no idea what else anyone would want to know about the movie though because that's so bad ass it makes my tummy hurt. Just look at this new poster for the film. Neeson all bad ass in the snow and crap. Does your tummy hurt? No? Well I drank some Baileys that expired 3 years ago yesterday so that might be what's doing it for me. We may never know.

If you liked "Splice" then you're not me. Which explains why you never put in any sort of effort with the news. I should stop getting pissed at you I guess. But the director of the film, Vincenzo Natali, has been tapped to direct a new film titled "Haunter". The twist here is the movie is a haunted house story, but told through the eyes of a spirit haunting the house. Did your nose just start bleeding? That's because I just blew your mind.

In Real People News: 

I'll be the first to admit I don't get art. I mean don't get me wrong I understand a painting of a house is a house. But smears and all that Andy Warhol garbage is just lost on me. For that reason I don't really go to museums. If I did I might have to do like this woman in Denver, who is now being brought up on charges for trying to pee on a $30 Million painting while she was drunk.

A Oklahoma man is in some hot water after he went into a maternity store, started trying on bras and dresses and then exposed himself to everyone. I'm so baffled by this I can't come up with something witty to say. Well done my friend.

The Top Ten Horror Movies of 2010

Dieter Laser of The Human Centipede

When the BGH Crew began discussing its nominations for its list of the top ten horror films of the year, one thing became rather obvious. While it's been a year filled with lots of quality horror films -- indeed, some might even say risky films -- there wasn't that one movie that broke away from the crowd to truly establish itself as the best.

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 4th, 2010

"Splice" and "Cube" director Vincenzo Natali is apparently working on 38 movies at the same time including the recently announced "388 Arletta Avenue". From the new poster for the flick I'm guessing it has something to do with cameras, the internet and LOL'ing. Just guessing here though.

The cast for "The Howling: Reborn" is shaping up nicely and today we've got a few names to throw your way. I say nicely in the hopes that someone here knows who the hell Landon Liboiron is because I don't recognize a thing from his IMDB. Although I am interested in something called "Moondance Alexander". I can't wait for the next staff picks on the podcast.

I've got little clue what "Sucker Punch" is but I think it might be the greatest Cinamax 2am women's prison movie ever made. I could be wrong though, god I hope not. Anyway it's got a new trailer and I think I'm in love.

Here's a new exciting one sheet for "Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night". It's just like the one sheets you saw for the US version of the film but with Asians. I'm going to stop now because honestly I have no idea what's considered racist anymore.

In Real People News: 

Want to throw up? Here's a toy poodle that was found in ditch that has its fur so matted that it couldn't even see. Put your coffee down, it's going to get nasty folks.

And now that you're done throwing up here's some bacon flavored soda to wash the taste out of your mouth. What a terrible morning this is turning into.

On this day in history: 

1983 - Bomb attack on Israeli headquarter in Tyrus Lebanon, 60 killed

Episode 122 - "Splice"

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Joe shows up late and judges Eric, who finally sat through an entire movie for the show.

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Trailer : Adrien Brody Plays God In "Splice"

Alright who let Adrien Brody near the science kit? Whoever it was only has themselves to blame for his new super human animal hybrid creature. Need proof? Check out the new trailer for "Splice"

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 4th, 2010

If you're planning to attend the South by Southwest (SXSW) festival this year, you should definitely check out the the so-called "First Look" screening of the Robert Rodriguez-produced, Nimrod Antal-directed action flick "Predators", a film I'm still on the proverbial fence about. Topher Grace and Adrien Brody? Really?

Speaking of Adrien Brody, talented direct Vincenzo Natali's highly-anticipated monster movie "Splice" is set to terrify audiences on June 4th. It's always nice to have a potentially nifty horror flick scheduled for a summer release.

Although I have my doubts as to whether or not this project will ever get off the ground, it would appear that Todd McFarlane is still spreading rumors that another "Spawn" film is in the works. I'm excited about the idea as much as the next nerd, but I'm not going to hold my breath. No sense setting myself up for soul-crushing disappointment.

In Real People News: 

I know I'm supposed to write something extremely witty and marginally hilarious for these articles, but the headline provided for this seemingly innocent story about a drunk driver's encounter with law enforcement officials is funny enough on its own. Trust me on this one.

Although I've seen some incredibly strange things in my lifetime, I've never accidentally stumbled across a naked woman tied to a tree. My life suddenly feels inadequate, and I am ashamed of myself. I think I need to get out more.

On this day in history: 

1991 - Rodney King is brutally assaulted by several LAPD officers, an event which is caught on amateur video.

8 Other Shape Shifters

Werewolves are all the rage these days with the release of Universal's "The Wolfman", but why should the dog boys of mid February get all the fun? Throughout literature and film, there have been quite a few other were-creatures that stalked the night as well as many other folks that just happen to change shape as well! So to celebrate our furry friend, I give to you 8 Other Shape Shifters to raise your hackles!

Horror Headlines: Monday February 15th, 2010

With AMC's upcoming "The Walking Dead" series starting to gel, it's only natural that casting rumors would start flying, including rumors about the casting for the integral role of Rick Grimes. As with all rumors, they have to be taken with a grain of salt, but the three names supposedly in the running include Jamie Bamber from "Battlestar Galactica", Mark Pelligrino from "Dexter" and "Lost" and "Stewart Townsend". Of course this begs the question; who would be your choice to play Rick Grimes?

The vampire trend of the last few years is ready to die down as wolves step up to take their place. In keeping with the trend, Bradley Cooper will be re-teaming with Joe Carnahan in "The Grey" which pits the survivors of a plane crash against a pack of hungry wolves.

Word is circulating that Dark Castle Entertainment is on the verge of distributing Vincenzo Natali's "Splice". From what we've seen of early screen shots, this is exciting news.

In Real People News: 

80 year old Betty Oosterhouse has become the front runner in the "Bad Ass of the Year Contest". Suffering from having her teeth knocked out, her jaw broken, and knife held to her throat, the octogenarian managed to escape from her captor and flee to safety. When told that she would be let go if she gave up her PIN numbers Betty answered with "You'll have to kill me first".

A Stabroek woman was severely beaten by her boyfriend with a chunk of wood and cut with a rusty cutlass, all because she asked him to stop shitting in a plastic bag in the back yard and to use the indoor toilet.

On this day in history: 

1936 - The Volkswagon beetle is brought to life as Hitler challenges German industry to create the Volkswagon.

Horror at Sundance: "Splice"

"Splice" has the solid pedigree of coming from "Cube" director Vincenzo Natali and executive producer Guillermo del Toro. It stars Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody as geneticists who successfully engineer an new animal species - conveniently keeping under wraps that they've used human DNA to do so. The new genetic lifeform ages rapidly enough to have a reported sex scene with Adrien Brody. I haven't seen the adult monster design but so far there ain't nothing pretty about that mental picture, folks.

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