gary busey

Lizzie (REVIEW)

Lizzie

I have run out of words to describe a movie like 2013’s “Lizzie.” Tired, uninspired, insipid, lazy, bland… they all cover this insipid piece of filmmaking. My thesaurus can’t help me anymore, so let me just say this: “Lizzie” is a waste of 93 minutes. If you have a choice between this and any other movie, you’re probably better off going with the latter.

Bounty Killer (REVIEW)

Bounty Killer

Imagine a cross between “Mad Max” and “Sin City,” but sprinkled with a pinch of spaghetti western and a dash of laughable dialogue, and you have “Bounty Killer.” There is a whole lot to criticize about this movie—a ridiculous plot, some really cheesy special effects—but at the end of the day it’s actually a lot of fun.

The Gingerdead Man (REVIEW)

I've watched a lot of awful things simply because Gary Busey was in them. "Celebrity Rehab", "The Apprentice", "Predator 2", "Bulletproof", all have lured me in with the hopes of being able to see Gary Busey at his crazy best. Unfortunately, they all have let me down. Despite the fact that I've been burned pretty much every time I take a spin on the Gary Busey videography roulette wheel, I keep coming back for more punishment. I don't know why I thought "The Gingerdead Man" would be different.

Horror Headlines: Friday June 17th, 2011

The premiere we've all been waiting for is finally here my friends! Yes of course I speak of Rob Zombie's Woolite commercial and much to my surprise it looks like... well if Rob Zombie did a commercial for a laundry detergent. Shocking I know. Look for our podcast on the commercial coming in the next few weeks.

Looks like the good people behind the upcoming flick "Mansion of Blood" don't have nearly as much patience as the folks behind "The Gingerdead Man" films because they just shit canned Gary Busy from the lead role. Apparently Busy had already filmed about half of his scenes but his pain in the assness became too much and he was booted.

I love me some Guillermo Del Toro but I swear to Jesus if you break up "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" there will be hell to pay. Rumor has it that Del Toro is in talks with Sunny's Charlie Day to play a role in his upcoming monsters attack earth flick "Pacific Rim" which is set for a 2013 release. Then again there's a new season of Sunny coming out in between then and if it sucks like the last one did then he can go ahead and do whatever the hell he wants.

99% of horror comedies are neither funny nor scary and guess what folks, the upcoming Halloween romp "Fun Size" will not break the mold. How do I know this? Because Chelsea Handler has just been cast in the movie and she's not funny. If you think she is you're wrong and I'm sorry. Just because she's kind of pretty and swears a lot doesn't make her hilarious. Trust me, I pay $75 a ticket to watch her talk about diddling herself for an hour at Radio City Music Hall and I didn't crack a smile once. You drop $150 bucks and all of the sudden a goofy smile and low cut shirt isn't so funny. Learn from my mistakes!

In Real People News: 

Everyone likes a little show with their dinner, that's a fact. But when the little show ends up sending you to the hospital the fun ends. Such is the case for a group of diners in Florida who had to be rushed to the hospital after a banana foster preparation went all too wrong and burned a number of diners. Always order pudding people, no one gets hurt with pudding.

And here's a story about a 29 year old woman in Washington who is under arrest after she attacked her boyfriend's genitals with a knife during a fight. And that's all I can say about this without getting dizzy.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 12th, 2011

Alexis Texas, 2011 AVN award winner for her work in "Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman" has officially jumped over into the word of horror with her leading role in "Bloodlust Zombies". The movie focuses on an office that suffers a nutso mutant virus outbreak, with sexy results. A new trailer for the film has hit the tubes and I'll give Alexis this, her fellow pornstar brethren who have crossed over have generally taken on roles as versatile as hooker and stripper, so kudos for going outside the box. Pun intended.

The first clip from Lars von Trier's end of the world movie "Melancholia" has hit the tubes and while it's imposable to see Charlotte Gainsbourg without thinking she's about to destroy someone's genitals I have to say this flick looks fairly tame. Then again there's nothing you can do about the snaggle tooth action that is Kirsten Dunst. Mutilated genitals or not, that toothy mastermind will destroy us all.

Gary Busey? Sure! David Hasselhoff? What in the holy living hell is going on. Of course if I were to ask you to guess what horror movie the Hoff would be cast in the obvious answer would be "Piranha 3DD" so this should come as no surprise but still he's been confirmed for the sequel that will take place at a waterpark. Charlie Sheen is next, right? It can't be far off.

You know that morbidly obese girl at your office who is always saying things like "I sooo need to go on a diet" and "Oh wow I super need to get back to the gym" in the hopes that you'll tell her she looks great and doesn't need to change a thing? Well here's the people from Dimension Films taking to twitter to ask the 15 people (11 if you don't count us on the podcast) that saw "Scream 4" to tweet how bad they want to see a 5th installment. Get on the treadmill Ghostface, your fat ass isn't going to tone itself while you sit on the couch and play "Call of Duty".

In Real People News: 

A Colorado mother is under arrest after branding her daughter with a hot knife. I understand this is illegal and bad but how else are you suppose to mark your children? How will you tell she's yours when she's in a crowd? The herd will kill us all people! The cows have taken control!

And here's a crazy guy on the NYC subway dropping his pants and screaming racist nonsense. You're welcome.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 3rd, 2011

Katrina Bowden from "30 Rock" and "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil" is the latest hot chick to be added to the cast of "Piranha 3DD". As we all know Gary Busey was also added to the cast last week and while it hasn't been confirmed I think it's pretty obvious that we now know who will be involved in the movie's love story. I'd like to think the chemistry will find it's way off screen as well and we'll have Hollywood's next power couple.

"Cobra the Space Pirate" is some sort of Japanese animated series that I'm sure someone I went to college with told me was "completely insane" while I didn't get any action at a party, and for that reason alone I now hate it. But alas there's a movie being made about it and today we've got our first look at the poster for the flick. If it gets you excited you're only a little over 2 years away from it's summer 2012 release.

If you're anxiously awaiting the release of "Haunted 3D" then you're one step ahead of me because I've never heard of the damn thing until 10 minutes ago. But that doesn't matter because a handful of theaters will be showing India's first 3D flick this coming weekend. Of course none of the selected theaters are in major cities so you big wigs can suck it. Jersey's got 2 of the 8 selected locations!

Starting today you can get your grubby mits on "Call of Duty: Black Ops Escalation - Call of the Dead" via Xbox Live and to celebrate a new poster has hit the tubes for the game. In the Black Ops add on you can actually play as Robert Englund, Danny Trejo, Michael Rooker and Sarah Michelle Gellar and none other than George A. Romero is featured in the game as a zombie. Which is exciting because there's numerous movies I'd love to shoot him in the face for. Score!

In Real People News: 

A Florida man is being charged with assault after he beat the tar out of his neighbor with a baseball bat because they wouldn't turn down their music. While I can't condone the assault I have to say I had a neighbor once who could play Lisa Loeb at levels that by law shouldn't be allowed and I would have loved to have had a few cracks at him.

A young man in New Mexico made the mistake of shoving the prescription drugs he stole from a neighbor up his no-no hole and was found by police officers bleeding and disoriented. An x-ray later revealed the drugs and I assume the whole thing looked like the scene in "Total Recall" when they walk behind the giant body x-ray. But a lot sexier of course.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 28th, 2011

This can't be a surprise to anyone can it? Gary Busey has officially been added to the cast of "Piranha 3DD". No confirmation on a role but based on the original I assume he'll play the President or maybe a giant rabbit that shoots lightning out of its nipples. Alright that second one might be a long shot.

Zorro isn't a name you've tossed around for a while but it looks like the caped one is making his return with a new twist. This time around the big Z will play vigilante in the future in the film that is currently being titled "Zorro Reborn". Sounds a little nutty by Rpin Suwannath is set to direct the movie and he did some of the visual effects on "Van Helsing" and he's got a name I can't pronounce. I don't see how this can fail.

I didn't know I was excited about a "Laid to Rest" sequel until I recently started reading so much about it. Turns out I'm pumped and now the flick titled "ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2" has a release date. September 20th, 2011 is the date all the world has been waiting for. I wonder if there will be a big Hollywood premiere? Oh man you think I'll be invited? You think Joan Rivers will make fun of me when I tell her I'm wearing shoes by Target and a suit by Salvation Army?

Heya! Here'sa a new poster fora "REC 3: Genesis"! It's a spicy meatballa! Creepy woman makein a crying with blooda! Oh mama this isa the 37th time I'm made this jokea!

In Real People News: 

Ya know my wife thinks she has it bad because sometimes I come home a little tipsy and accuse her of plotting to murder me. Little does she know there's guys out there like this fella in Minnesota who got into a fight with his girlfriend and then proceeded to lock her in a dog cage because "that's where bitches belong". I don't look so bad now, do I!

Let this be a lesson to all of you, put a freakin password on your wireless router! If you don't you could end up like this guy in Buffalo who had the feds swarm his house and knock the holy living hell out of him before they figured out that it was his neighbor who had been downloading child pornography over his wifi the previous evening. Which is funny because it was actually my neighbor who DVR'ed all that "Glee" on my TV.

Netflix Streaming Friday - Week of December 31st, 2010

Let's face it, Predator 2 sucks. For every bit as awesome and timeless as the original "Predator" is, "Predator 2" is a shitty, lame, dated sequel steeped in '80's corn and cheese. Yet, it still manages to be awesome. How is that? Well, let me count the reasons:

1) Arnold has been replaced by Danny Glover. Yes, the "I'm too old for this shit" guy from the "Lethal Weapon" series takes over for Arnold. Awesomely bad.

Retro Clip: "The Gingerdead Man" (2005)

The 2005 holiday themed horror movie "The Gingerdead Man" is about a killer cookie that stalks the girl who sent him to the electric chair years ago. It's just as awful as it sounds, however it does have a few note worthy scenes. The first five minutes are pretty enjoyable as we get a look at what the gingerdead man looked like in human form... Surprise! It's the lovable and psychotic Gary Busey. The other notable scene? That would be the epic final battle of good versus gingerdead man, which you are about to see below. Got milk?

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