paul w.s. anderson

Horror Headlines: Friday March 15th, 2013

George Romero's 1981 film "Knightriders", possibly the only one he's ever made that makes the original "The Crazies" look tolerable, is finding its way to Blu-Ray on April 22. For those of you not familiar with the flick (check out our podcast but only pay attention to my opinion) it's about a group of medieval re-enactors who ride on motorcycles rather than horses. I'm not kidding. Oh and Tom Savini wears a speedo. It's awful.

Colin Trevorrow has been hand selected to direct "Jurassic Park 4" after a extensive search. Producer Steven Spielberg spent 4 weeks in the Amazon surviving only on what he hunted and smoking opium before traveling to the tallest mountain in the forest to meet his spirit animal who reportedly told him Trevorrow would be the right man for the job. He then traveled to the director's home and forced him at gun point to slaughter four chickens, two rabbits and one goat to solidify the deal. It's Jurassic god damn Park people. This shouldn't be taken lightly.

"Aftershock", Nicolas Lopez's English debut starring Eli Roth, will find it's way into limited theaters on May 10. Selena Gomez also pops up in the film about a group of travelers in Chile who find themselves trying to survive after an earthquake hits. Apparently in Chile people go around killing each other with axes when a earthquake hits. It's a strange wondrous land. Never visit it.

Paul W.S. Anderson will apparently return again to direct "Resident Evil 6". Oh man they got him? Sometimes you just get lucky.

In Real People News: 

Two geniuses in Utah are under arrest after they thought they could scam a doughnut shop by eating the some tasty treats with razor blades stuffed inside. It didn't work. They're in jail now.

A Milwaukee man is under arrest after he body slammed a security guard at his local DMV. The best part? It was all caught on video. Technology is the best thing ever.

Episode 239 - "Event Horizon"

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No one besmirches the great name of Laurence Fishburne, and other things we learned this week...

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Resident Evil: Retribution (REVIEW)

I've always looked at Paul W.S. Anderson as a bit of an idiot-savant, a child using filmmaking tools that he didn't quite understand, every once in a while striking on something good accidentally. This was especially true of the last "Resident Evil" film, "Afterlife", the first he'd directed since the original.

Trailers: "Resident Evil: Retribution", wait, where's the rain?

Here's a leaked teaser for "Resident Evil: Retribution", the latest chance for Paul W.S. Anderson to play sexy dress up with his wife Milla Jovovich and get paid to do it. Think of it as the world's most expensive foreplay (spoiler alert: I bet it works)

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 8th, 2011

The world demanded it and the good people at Universal answered our prayers. I speak of course about "Death Race 3". While nothing has been confirmed there's word around campus that Paul W.S. Anderson will be writing the script for part 3 and Danny Trejo will return. Tanit Phoenix will also be back and that's exciting for all of us because according to IMDB she's played a stripper in about 8 movies and starred in something called "Kamasutra Nights". Let the Oscar buzz begin!

This afternoon I was down at the Manhole for lunch and the rumors flying around there are that none other than Paul Walker, Texas Ranger is in talks to play Kyle Reese in the much anticipated "Terminator 5". Of course that's not his real name but it would be awesome if it was. Anyway Justin Lin, who directed Walker in the last "Fast & Furious" movie is set to direct... I trust my fellow foodies down at The Manhole on this one. The lunch buffet is delicious, don't judge.

Years before Peter Jackson directed a 38 hour trilogy he directed a movie I actually liked called "The Frighteners" starring Michael J. Fox. And while three films that spawned a million pornos have been released in countless formats sadly "The Frighteners" has yet to make its way to Blu-Ray. Well good news kids, come September 13th you can get your grubby little mits on the flick with tons of special features and 0 wizards. Alright in all fairness the porn parodies are pretty decent. The visuals, you wouldn't believe!

Pultizer Prize winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire is being taken out for a lovely steak dinner by the people at MGM in the hopes that he will write the much discussed "Poltergeist" remake. No word on if he'll accept but if he orders dessert it's pretty much understood he has to, especially if it's the 3rd date.

In Real People News: 

A 48 year old father in Memphis is under arrest after threatening the host of a birthday party with a gun because she didn't save any ice cream and cake for his kids. Which is stressful for a number of reasons, namely that now I have to add a gun to the list of things I need to buy before I become a parent.

Let this be a lesson to all of you out there. If you're going to bite your girlfriend's ear off during an argument make sure your dentures are in securely. Because this guy in South Carolina who went a bite-in' and lost his chompers must have felt like a real prick when he had to explain the whole thing to a judge.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 26th, 2009

It's been a long holiday weekend and as such, it's time to play catch up! Due to a faulty alarm clock, I'm sitting in for Eric once again on the news desk!

"Buffy" fans, it's time to arm your keyboards and get ready to hit the message boards. The folks at Vertigo entertainment are getting ready to relaunch "Buffy" once again. The folks at Vertigo are teaming up with the original movie direct Fran and Kaz Kazui to throw together this big screen take. The promise is a relaunch and not a sequel or a prequel. Can the fandom handle a non Whedon buffy with yet another perky blonde stepping into the slayer's shoes?

Sad news for "Castlevania" fans; the Paul W.S. Anderson big screen adaptation is officially dead. No more chances of Simon Belmont and clan on the silver screen. Could this be a sign of the end of video game movies?

Despite reports of raucous boo-ing and general hate for "Antichrist" at the Cannes Film Festival, lead actress Charlotte Gainsbourg was named Best Actress of the festival. It's seldom that horror is given any accolades at such events so kudos to Gainsbourg for drawing the nod despite the widespread distaste for the moving coming out of France.

In Real People News: 

A Chinese man sat perched on a bridge last week, ready to jump, when another man broke through the police tape and shoved him off. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

In an effort to show solidarity to the country's beleaguered seal hunters, Canada's Governor General guts a freshly slaughtered seal and eats its raw heart in front of onlookers.

A 3 year old London toddler was stuck in a 5 day long coma due to meningitis. Assuming all was lost, the child woke on day five singing the complete lyrics to Abba's "Mama Mia". Sure, the kid's fine now, but what are they going to do about all the Hollywood lawyers suing for copyright infringement?

On this day in history: 

May 26th 1805 - Napoleon Bonapart is crowned King of Italy. For our own Eric, a hero is born!

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