brad pitt

Behold, Your Zombie Jesus

In the face of the on-rushing zombie hoards of World War Z, one man proved that he was chosen. Touched by the grace of the Father, this ruggedly handsome hero kept his wits about him, and used an 8th grade understanding of biology to turn back the zombie threat and win World War Z for all of humanity.

Episode 254 - "World War Z"

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Or as my grandpappy called it, the war of Zombie aggression.

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Horror Headlines: Monday June 24th, 2013

This past weekend I watched "The Last Stand" and it was awesome, because Arnold Schwarzenegger, and no amount of baby making with the housekeeper can make that not a fact. And "Maggie", a new film about a young girl who gets infected by a zombie and has 6 months before she turns, will be awesome as well because Arnold has signed on to star in the film. I assume he'll be the girl's father or something. Honestly he could play the little girl and the movie would still be awesome.

Friday, October 25th is the date that you'll be able to sit down and watch NBC's "Dracula" for the very first time. It'll see a short 10 episode run before being canceled I'm assuming based on the fact that it's premiering on the night they put shows to die and If you can't guess the basic plot of the show then I want you to leave my site right now. Let's move on.

I always assume Nicolas Winding Refn is German but to be honest I have no idea where the guy is from. But despite being about vikings (I think) "Valhalla Rising" seemed very German and now he's talking about a sequel that will somehow take place in Tokyo which will also find a way to be super German. I wonder what the fog in Tokyo looks like. If you don't get that joke just trust me, it's hilarious.

Brad Pitt has dropped the news that there's a solid chance that there would be a "World War Z" sequel. The first movie, which made $66 million this past weekend, only scratches the surface of the book... so another film, and probably more could be tossed out if the price is right. I'd honestly watch 2 hours of Brad Pitt doing his taxes and love it so I'm on board.

In Real People News: 

Kickstarter has apologized for not taking down a guy's site that raised $16,000 for a book he plans to write about "getting awesome with woman". The book apparently promotes shoving woman "HARD", caveman-ing them and all kinds of other things. So ya know, people gave him money for that.

A Pennsylvanian woman recently opened up a bag of potatoes she bought at Walmart and discovered a snake was hiding out. I love potatoes. I hate snakes. Snakes ruin everything that is good in this world. I will now live the rest of my life thinking that there is a snake hiding in every box and bag that I open. Thanks for ruining Cheetos for me, snakes. You pricks.

World War Z - The Next Big Movie Flop?

Most anyone who's read Max Brooks' 2006 apocalyptic novel "World War Z" has been excited since hearing that it's being adapted for the big screen. Despite a complete oversaturation of Zombies in the last few years (I'll still take that over sparkling Vampires), fans seemed relieved to hear the movie would stay pure as possible to the book, was supported by an all-star cast and a hefty Hollywood budget and would be produced by none-other than the movie's leading character, Brad Pitt. However one thing we all know is that any movie can fail - and if the rumors are true, World War Z might be a full on, 50 foot free-fall belly flop onto wet pavement.

According to the project's screenwriter, Damon Lindelof in the June Issue of Vanity Fair, the project has hit disastrous proportions, including being over-budget by 50 million, troubles with inexperienced director Marc Forester, last minute re-writes, and incoherent storylines. We're not just talking minor script changes either - it was realized after filming was finished, that the entire 40 minute ending was "abrupt and incoherent".

Trailer: "World War Z" Is Still Happen? Egg On My Face.

I had pretty much lost track of “World War Z”, the big screen adaptation of Max Brooks’ 2006 zombies take over the world novel but I was 75% sure the filming site had blown up, Brad Pitt had walked off the set and the 14th director got run over by a car. Turns out I’m wrong because today there’s a trailer for the flick and much to my surprise it looks pretty sweet, despite not really showing much in the way of zombies. Let’s be honest though, 2 hours of Brad Pitt doing his taxes would look pretty sweet. The guy lights up the screen, that’s all I’m saying.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 16th, 2012

blah blah new horror TV series blah blah. This one is going to be on Starz though, so there might be some actual gore showing up here. It's called "Da Vinci's Demons" and it focuses on the code maker himself and his struggle with good and evil. Oh and he's a genius. And oh this doesn't sound like it's going to be bloody at all. Michael J. Bassett of "Silent Hill: Revelation" fame(?) will direct.

I don't even know what this means anymore but there's been so much crap around the "World War Z" movie that I thought I should mention it. Apparently the rough cut of the film is clocking in at only 52 minutes long. Alright I kind of know what that means. It means there was only 52 minutes of usable footage after what I think has been about 7 years of filming. There's apparently only 7 weeks left so I assume they're just going to set up a camera in Brad Pitt's shower and tack on 45 minutes of him using a loofah to the project. I'll watch it.

Call me crazy but I actually want to see "Jurassic Park" in 3D when it's thrust back into theaters. Go ahead, call me crazy! Well it looks like my wait won't be as long as originally planned because the re-release has been pushed up 3 months to April 5, 2013. I think if I keep hoping enough they'll push it up to this weekend and then I can go right now. Do it. Come on movie people do this one thing for me!

Alexander Skarsgard trapped in a bomb shelter. Sounds dreamy doesn't it? The film is called "Hidden" and it has officially begun production in Vancouver. The film is about a family who spends 301 days down in a bomb shelter while the world above goes to hell. I've had dreams that start like this.

In Real People News: 

And the "yo mama" jokes have finally gone too far for one man. So far that he actually attacked his own son with a knife. Finally someone is taking a stand.

Here's a heartwarming story about a woman in Maine who beat that crap out of another woman at a local Walmart because she caught her husband flirtin it up with her. I'm not even kidding here I've seen at least 2 fist-fights in the past 3 years at my local Walmart. It's better than any pay-per-view.

Horror Headlines: Monday, August 29th, 2011

Remember when Lars von Trier was just a guy who directed movies where people got bashed in the genitals with a ball-peen hammer? Now he's gone all Anti-Semite. I have absolutely no idea what that has to do with the new UK trailer for his film "Melancholia" but I thought it was a clever intro to the news. I thought wrong didn't I.

Remember the US remake of "Ju-on" AKA "The Grudge" a few years back with that broad from Buffy? No? It doesn't matter because they're making another one. For those of you not familiar with the film it focuses on a house that is all haunted and spooky and eff's with anyone who enters it. I can't imagine this one will be good either but I think 1 or 2 more versions of it and they'll really have something decent going on.

Who doesn't have a crush on Brad Pitt? No one. No one that's who! If you say you don't have a crush on Brad Pitt then you are a god damn liar. Anyway here's a bunch of stills from Sir Sexy battling Zombies on the set of "World War Z". I like it because I can be all, "Oh hey I love Zombie movies. Wait is that Brad Pitt? Well sure I'll watch this I guess. I mean I love zombies movies and stuff. Jeez it's not like I have crush on Brad Pitt or something. Get off my back!"

It looks like "Hatchet 3" has a director but it also looks like creator Adam Green is playing coy with details on who it is. Because ya know, everyone's chomping at the bit to know who's going to be taking the lead on "Hatchet 3". Just the other day I was on the bus and this young child was asking her mother, "Mommy, when will we know who is directing 'Hatchet 3?'' And then the young mother burst into tears because she didn't know. It was heartbreaking. I think at this point it's pretty obvious that I'm drunk.

In Real People News: 

You know how it goes. You break into one house and take a pair of ladies underthings and the next thing you know your father is calling the cops on you because he's discovered a duffel bag full of 66 pairs of women's panties. All kidding aside, who else is uncomfortable with my using the word "panties" in a post? I know I am.

"A" for effort to this guy who crashed a stolen semi truck into a porn shop and ran off with $800 worth of goods. "F" for not getting away with it though. Who pays for porn anymore? Even the library has the internet these days.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 2nd, 2011

Anthony Mackie has been added to the cast of the long awaited big screen adaptation of Max Brooks' "World War Z". The cast already includes Mr. Brad Pitt and Mireille Enos and is set to begin filming this summer. Mackie is currently filming "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" and 7 other movies, but I hope he gets some time to really drink the beauty that is Brad Pitt. God, I'd love to just get a lock of his hair or something. I've said too much.

Jane Levy looks like she could be anywhere between 11 and 30, but now she's been added to the cast of the teen Halloween comedy "Fun Size" so that means she's got to be a teen right? Is it creepy that I'm even bringing her age up? Little bit right? Are you uncomfortable? You should be! Anyway, the film focuses on a young girl who takes her little brother trick-r-treating, loses him and then spends the night trying to track him down before her mother finds out. I'm on some sort of watch list now aren't I... damn this site!

Do you love Godzilla? Well then you're sure to have lukewarm feelings about the new spoof "Notzilla: Duke of the Monsters"! Alright, honestly the movie, which already has Patrick Warburton and George Takei attached to it, looks like it could be funny for a half hour or so, but it's currently looking for distribution and the good people behind the film have put out a trailer to get some buzz going. If you have about 1.5 million it could be yours. Won't you help!? Won't somebody think of the children!?

Remember when seeing names like Tony Todd, Kane Hodder and Tiffany Shepis in a cast meant you were going to see a quality film? No, me either, but that doesn't matter because all three have been cast in the new werewolf flick "Hallow Pointe". The story takes place at a bed and breakfast where a couple must fight to stay alive when they find themselves checked in on the night of a full moon. I swear to god if I have to sit through another Kane Hodder sex scene I'm never watching another movie. You've been warned!

In Real People News: 

An empty house near Salem Massachusetts apparently called 911 on it's own after a pipe burst and caused toxic mold to form while the owner was away. Of course, "the man" is trying to say the call, which was just a hand up, was caused by the water shorting out the phone line and sending a random call out to 911 but anyone with an ounce of smarts know it's the work of demon witches from days of old. It's the only explanation.

A father in Queens NY is under arrest after his son brought the father's 8mm hand gun to school and sold it to another student for $3. Of course the father is pissed about the whole being arrested thing but I can't imagine he's too happy about his gun being sold for $3 bucks. You've got to imagine he could of gotten at least twice that.

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