Bong Joon-ho

Horror Headlines: Wednesday August 7th, 2013

I'm very excited to announce that the PA who is responsible for updating Slash's twitter account recently decided to start following us. For that reason alone I have nothing bad to say about "Nothing Left to Fear", a new horror flick that Slash is producing about a family who moves into a small town only to find they're a part of a strange ritual. I will however mock Canada, which will now be able to see the film thanks to Raven Banner which recently picked up the rights to distribute the film up in America's hat. I mean I'm not going to do it here. I just want it to be known that I will mock them.

Remember the 2006 film "See No Evil"? That's right it's that movie you saw on the selves and thought, "hey isn't that Kane from the WWF?!" and then moved on. Well it looks like the powers that be have decided the film needs a sequel and that it needs to be directed by Jen and Sylvia Soska AKA the Twisted Twins. For those of you keeping track at home the duo was responsible for "American Mary", which we all went gaga over on the podcast recently. So I have no idea what the hell is going to come out of it but I'm 99% sure Mark is going to love it.

While nothing is confirmed there's some news out there in the interwebs that Carey and Chad Hayes, the brothers who wrote "The Conjuring", are looking at a story in the Warren archives about two sisters in England who were reportedly possessed in the late 70s for the follow up to this year's hit film. Isn't it nice that we've had two stories about twins in today's news? Makes me feel all warm inside. Also a little uncomfortable before twins are creepy as hell and unnatural.

I'm not saying this is right or wrong but it looks like the Weinstein company is asking that 20 minutes be cut from Bong Joon-ho's "Snowpiercer" before it hits US theaters. The reason for the request is that the company wants to make sure us folks in the midwest can understand the story, which focuses on a group of survivors traveling on a train after the world has frozen over. I mean the current running time is 126 minutes... so ya know... I'm not saying anything.

In Real People News: 

Good news kids! They've cloned beef in the UK, grilled it up into a burger and confirmed it tastes "close to meat". Insert your own White Castle jokes here.

A Washington man is facing felony charges because he reportedly blew up his dog because he thought his ex-girlfriend put the devil inside of it. I mean I don't condone hurting animals but let's be honest on the off chance that the devil was in fact inside the dog don't you feel better know that it's in a thousand little pieces on this guy's front lawn right now rather than roaming the streets? Me too.

Horror Headlines: Thursday January 3rd, 2013

Neve Campbell recently broke the silence around the possibility of a "Scream 5", and whoa daddy is it a big bomb that she dropped. Neve said, and you might want to sit down for this, that "I'm not sure they’re going to make it". I know right? Exciting. Wait there's more. She went on to say that if approached about the film she'd "have a chat with them about it". There you have it. The film might not happen, but if it does she might be interested in talking about it.

Big news about "The Host 2", the sequel to the much loved Korean monster flick, has dropped on the tubes and I'm going to throw up I'm so excited to tell you about it. Word has it that Park Myung-chun will make his directorial debut with the film that has been slapped with a summer 2014 release date. If you hate subtitles, you now have about a year and a half to learn Korean.

Go punch someone in the face, kids, because the second half of season 3 of "The Walking Dead" hits the boob tube next month and a brand spankin new trailer has hit the interwebs. I don't think it really shows much, but if we're being honest I watched it with the sound muted because the wife and I are pretty hooked on "Friday Night Lights". Yeah it went off the air a few years back, but we're finally watching it on Netflix. It's really good. You should check it out.

I don't really know what this means because the trailer actually looked kind of good, but the "Carrie" remake has apparently been pushed from a March release date all the way to October 18th of this year. I like to think that the filmmakers are just trying to be nice because they know it's cold as crap in March and they'd rather I not have to leave the house. So, thanks guys.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing that can really ruin a friendship it's shooting down a threesome offer with your friend's wife. Attacking your friend with a baseball bat after he shoots down the threesome offer can also ruin a friendship. There's a lot of things that can mess it up really. The world's an imperfect place.

Ah boy. I don't want to judge because I can't honestly say this isn't something I couldn't have done myself, but this father in Florida who left his 11 month old baby at a strip club might be the worst dad in the world.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

Tonight I'm going to Hooters with some former co-workers and I'm not going to lie, I had some trouble sleeping last night from all the excitement. I've been listening to the band Hatebreed all day getting myself pumped up for the big event. If you've never been and you think Hooters is depressing then I suggest you come to the one in NYC because you're 100% right. You see in a lot of locations Hooters gets really hot girls to work there but in the city there's really expensive restaurants where girls can get really big tips and not have to be harassed by drunk pricks downing wings.

How the hell the Germans have kept this clip from "Psycho" a secret for so long is beyond me but here it is, extended scenes from some of the film's classic shots that were apparently too hot for us American's back in the day but were A-OK for the Krauts. I wonder if they have the real ending for "The Sopranos" sitting around somewhere too.

"Snow Piercer" sounds like the name of a terrible cover band but it turns out it's the titled of Bong Joon-ho's new film. The movie tells the story of a group of people trapped on a train after the earth has been completely frozen. Who would you want as a fellow passenger on that train? If you said "Alien" alum John Hurt then you're in luck because he's been confirmed for the cast. If you said anyone other than him though you're kind of screwed.

Yesterday I told you how "The Crow" remake looks to be back on and today it appears a new writer and director have already been selected. Jesse Wigutow, who wrote some short films I will never see has been tapped to pen the script and F. Javier Gutierrez who directed "Before the Fall" which I'm 75% sure I saw will take the lead. Seriously, if you've never been to Hooters you should give it a shot. Their wings are so god damn good.

This can't be good news. It looks like that Lily Collins has officially dropped out from the lead role in the upcoming remake of "The Evil Dead". Apparently the drop out is because of "date issues". I assume this means she wants to go out on a date with me and just found out I'm married so she's too depressed to act. That's just my guess.

In Real People News: 

Managers of a park in England are toying with the idea of releasing honey bees in order to deter vandals from damaging historic buildings. I think the way this goes is they release the bees, then they need to release birds to eat the bees, then something else. It all ends with giant shark robots killing us all.

Here's a smart guy who decided to lock himself in an airplane bathroom and smoke some pot. I don't know if he also tried to tamper with the smoke detector but I'm pretty sure that alone will get you the chair.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

This past weekend I put a bunch of those plastic insulation things over the windows in our apartment. It's like my wife, child and I are now trapped in a giant bubble of warmth. My only worry now is what if a skunk ever breaks into our place and starts shooting his stink all over the place? What do we do? We can't open the windows! We'll be trapped breathing in skunk stink for the next 3 to 4 months. Oh god the living will envy the dead.

Mark this down, I am the first one to go on record as saying "Playback" is going to kick ass. Please keep in mind also I make this claim after doing zero research on the movie other than viewing the new trailer. But Christian Slater is in it and the movie's about some guy who filmed himself killing his family and then somehow mind travels into the body of some kid who watches the videos. Tell me that doesn't sound amazing? It's like "Shocker" meets "The Poughkeepsie Tapes" with a dash of some other movie I can't think of but will make me sound really legit once it comes to me.

"Chronicle" is a new flick about a group of boys who discover they have the power to move things... WITH THEIR MINDS! And what would any red blooded American teenage boy do if he got these powers? Figure out a way to look up girls skirts of course. Proof is in this new clip from the film. I hope I didn't spoil the end for you.

And here's a clip from "The Grey". A movie where Liam Neeson battles wolfs in the middle of the Alaska after his plane crashes. I don't know what it is but there's something about Liam Neeson telling a group of people to "be cool" that makes me feel like everything that's wrong in the world is going to be right. You ever get that? You will... you will.

Jamie Bell and Tilda Swinton look to be in talks to star in a new film from "Host" director Bong Joon-ho titled "Snow Piercer". Chris Evans is already on board for the flick which focuses on that last remaining people on earth who are trapped on a train after the second ice age comes. Because that's what people always say, when the end comes the only thing that will be left is cockroaches and trains. Or something like that.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing I've learned in my 10+ years of working NYC it's people do not give a crap what's going on during their commute. If you need proof here's a story about a woman who gave birth yesterday on her NJ transit train while coming into the city. I don't know if any of you have ever been on the trains from NJ to NYC but honestly the back of a garbage truck is probably a more sanitary place to have a kid. Not an empty one either, a full garbage truck full of dirty baby dippers. Wouldn't that be ironic?

Haha Canada! You simple simple people. I kid, I love your maple syrup, I can't quit you. But a bunch of people up in the great north are pissed off after they bought fake iPad 2's from a number of different electronic stores in the Vancouver area. How did they know they were fake? Because they were made out of modeling clay. God I love maple syrup.

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