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Horror Headlines: Wednesday December 1st, 2010

I don't want to get your hopes up but I think Heath Ledger may be alive. Or at least it looks like he may make an appearance in the next Batman film via unreleased footage from the last movie. But let's go with Zombie Ledger, it sounds cooler. What, too soon?

All the world has Monica Keena fever right now. I mean did you see "Night of the Demons"? Action! And now she's been cast as a cult member in "Manson Girls" along with Laura Harring, Patti D'Arbanville, Estella Warren and Stella Maeve. Who's excited now? I don't even know what it's like to not be sarcastic anymore. Please help me.

Why the hell are people still talking to Joss Whedon about the freakin' "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" remake? I don't know folks but apparently now he is saying that he was offered to be a part of the film and passed. I can't wait to see what comes out next week so I can put it in the news and complain about it.

Here's the cast and a promo video for the new Syfy series "Being Human" which is the first thing I've seen on that channel that didn't feature a giant something or other. Unless you count Sam Huntington's forehead. I mean am I right? Anyway the show is about a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf all living together and trying to cope. With sexy results!

In Real People News: 

Finally someone is honest about why they jump down to save people who fall on the subway tracks! A NY man admits to leaping down to save a man who passed out because he knew that if the guy got hit it would delay the trains for hours and he wouldn't make it to work on Sunday, which is time and a half.

Wait seriously, this worked? A man in Missouri has been acquitted of a DWI charge after he claimed to have gotten drunk to keep warm after his car lost control on an icy road. This is actually the same reason I need to get hammered to make the ten minute walk from my bus stop to my house. I could freeze to death without the sweet sweet warmth of booze.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 8th, 2010

I'm still not totally sold on the idea of a prequel to "The Thing", regardless of the flick's potential. To help bolster interest, the very first photo from the set of the film has been released to the general public, but to be quite honest, there's really not a whole lot to look at. Unless, of course, you like random buildings and snow.

When things slow down at work for a moment, take some time today to properly investgate the brand spanking new trailer for SyFy's Mega Piranha. The film stars Barry Williams and Tiffany. How could things possibly go wrong?

In Real People News: 

Remember that movie "Weekend at Bernies"? Well, two German women attempted to recreate this seminal 80's classic by boarding an airplane in Berlin with their dead relative in tow. As sad as it may sound, I'm impressed by their tenacity, not to mention their obvious lack of common sense.

Just when you thought it was safe to vacation in Australia, the dreaded tree-climbing, blood-drinking snakehead fish shows up to ruin the proverbial party. If this isn't a marketing gimmick, then it should be.

On this day in history: 

1988 -- Reverend Jimmy Swaggart quits the ministry after coming clean about his involvement with a prostitute.

Horror Headlines: Monday March 29th, 2010

We all know now that AMC is working on a "Walking Dead" pilot with director Frank Darabont. What we don't know is who is going to play the show's pivotal lead character Rick Grimes. There has been little speculation up until now, but sources reveal that Johny Lee Miller is currently a front runner for the role.

With MTV canceling the long running and factual portrayal "The Hills", Heidi Montag has set her sights on Hollywood to continue funding her plastic surgery addiction. Next on her slate of plans is writing the world's first 3D beach comedy about a killer shark that she fights off with her 3D DDD sized boobs. I'm not making this up.

The Syfy channel sets its sights high this summer as they plan the release of a new series, "Haven". Based on the Stephen King novella "The Colorado Kid", a tale of a FBI agent visiting Haven, Maine to discover that the entire town is an enclave that serves as refuge for people suffering from supernatural abilities. The show will star Emily Rose, Lucas Bryant and Eric Balfour.

In Real People News: 

Mafia kingpin Salvatore Lo Piccolo went back to court recently and won a pivotal case. Lo Piccolo, despite his murderous mafia ways, is a shy man. The case he won was to be able to poop in prison without being watched by security cams. That there is proof that the Italian justice system works folks.

An Indiana man walks into his local grocery store and begins attacking the hamburger patches with a large hunting knife, then covering the meat with dog food. When finally subdued, Anthony Coffman admits that he committed the act because God told him to save the girls from beef.

On this day in history: 

1979 - A U.S. House of Representatives committee report finds that John F. Kennedy's assassination was the result of a conspiracy.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 9th, 2010

Universal Studios is toying with a new attraction, namely a new 3D King Kong ride named "Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World". Here's hoping for more 3D Naomi Watts and less 3D Jack Black.

Straight from the 'a sequel to what?' news desk; directory Harry Bromly Davenport let slip that he will be releasing a sequel to 1983's "Xtro". On the bright side, it's an actual sequel and not a remake!

Columbia Pictures is starting up the "Men in Black 3" hype machine as they begin to throw around names for the planned sequel. Thrown around so far are Josh Brolin, Sascha Baron Cohen and Jemaine Clement of "Flight of the Conchords" fame. None of these names are a lock however, just a listing of who the studio hopes to snag.

Nerd goddess Felicia Day has signed on to Syfy's "Red", a modern day retelling of "Little Read Riding Hood". Swap out the innocence of a little girl going to see her granny with Day's family who makes their living hunting werewolves and that's your plot.

In Real People News: 

Wang Cuyun was a simple grandmother trying to prevent a demolition team from tearing down her house. Her plan worked well until a member of the crew beat her with a stick, dumped her unconscious body into a ditch, then buried her alive with a bulldozer. Sadly, Ms. Cuyun didn't survive the ordeal.

Prince William's comely girlfriend Kate Middleton failed her first test for her future of protecting the crown jewels. After the Prince gave her a pair of antique pearl studs for her birthday, she found herself sifting through dog poop trying to find them when her pet cocker spaniel swallowed them whole.

On this day in history: 

1997 - Notorious B.I.G. (Christopher Wallace) killed in a drive-by outside the Soul Train Music Awards in Los Angeles.

Horror Headlines: Monday February 1st, 2010

Ti West prepares to head behind the camera once again, this time with a spooky tale of a haunted hotel in "The Innkeepers".

Jessica Alba finds herself headlining a controversial horror film that was the last to be picked up at the recent Sundance Film Festival. Alba left part way through the first screening of "The Killer Inside Me", leaving director Michael Winterbottom to field angry questions as to why it was necessary to show such gratuitous violence towards women.

The Syfy Channel continues its legacy of "high quality" films as it prepares to revisit some classic fairy tales, with a twist. Slated for remakes are "Little Red Riding Hood", and "Hansel and Gretel".

Daniel Craig will be exchanging his dapper "Bond" trappings for a set of spurs as he signs on to headline Jon Favreau's big screen adaptation of "Cowboys & Aliens".

Scout Taylor-Compton rambles on via YouTube about why she doesn't want to play Laurie Strode in a Zombie-less "Halloween 3". She never mentions if anyone has actually ASKED her to.

In Real People News: 

A Japanese man strikes five people with his truck, then gets out and stabs twelve more. All of this to take out his frustration from being bullied by trolls on his favorite internet forum.

A Chicago woman is suing the Metra train company, claiming that after using one of their on board toilets, she was sprayed with her own feces upon flushing. Um, gross.

On this day in history: 

2003 - The Space Shuttle Columbia blows up on re-entry.

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