Sid Haig

★ ★

Needless to say, it's weird...

★ ★ ★

I have no idea why anyone would want to visit Russia when their greatest commodity is already dancing at Private Eyes up on 45th and 8th, but the movie "The Darkest Hour" tells the story of a group of travelers stuck in Moscow during an alien invasion. A new poster for the flick has popped up online and it looks like all hell is breaking loose in Mother Russia. I hope this doesn't make people lose their place in line for bread.

Everybody hates clowns. Unless they're slutty clowns on Halloween, most people are on board with that. But an undead clown, that changes everything. The movie is titled "Stitches" and it tells the tale of a clown who returns from the grave to take out his vengeance on a group of teenagers who caused his death some years ago. It's a horror comedy and it's British so that means there's going to be a lot of bad teeth gags and Spam jokes. I assume. Most of what I know about the UK comes from Austin Powers and Monty Python.

"Hatchet" director Adam Green has confirmed "Killer Pizza", a new romp about a teen who takes a summer job at a pizza parlor that turns out to be the front for a monster hunting agency. The good people at MGM will be putting out the film so it might actually have some money behind it. God willing that doesn't mean they'll leave out the Kane Hodder sex scene.

If there's one thing Rob Zombie's witch revenge flick "The Lords Of Salem" has been missing it's sex appeal. Well good news you ornery little skanks, Sid Haig has officially joined the project as one half of a witch hunting duo. Boner time!

For those of you who have been awaiting to release of "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters 3D" get excited because it's only a month and a year away! The fun little flick that follows the two witch murders 15 years after their original story left off will begin filming soon and is set for a March 2nd 2012 release. Let's go camp out for tickets!

There's no arguing that Haylie Duff is in the top 2 of people's favorite Duff sisters and now she's signed up for "Home Invasion" which I assume will be direct to DVD and hurt your eyes. The movie follows two mothers who accidentally murder a home intruder and sign up for a support group to cope with their guilt. But wait a second, is the dead robber's girlfriend in the group too? She is, the imdb page say she is so it's no real surprise.

Two words my friends, dream cast. Sasha Grey, who gets spit roasted for money (look it up, just not at work) and Hailey Glassman who use to lay with Jon Gosselin (you should be ashamed if you look it up at work) has signed on for a new film from the writers of "Cabin Fever" titled "Hallow". Some good news though, filming will take place in Canada, where this kind of crap belongs.

A new clip of the low budget, surprise surprise, Sid Haig flick titled "Blood is Blood" has hit the tubes and it's hot to trot. I don't know what that means but I couldn't think of anything else. The movie revolves around a family who faces a monster on their way to New Orleans in a town where the beast is seen as a God.

Carlos Fresnadillo, the guy who brought you "28 Weeks Later", my second favorite of all the "amount of time later" films, is now the latest name being bounced around to direct the on again off again "The Crow" reboot. Eric Draven is also being rumored to take the lead role but since nothing is confirmed I'd like to announce that I am officially the front runner to take the role.

A few years back I got all excited when I found a "Night of the Living Dead" remake done in 3D staring Sid Haid in Target. I bought it, brought it home and watched a big giant disappointing turd, in 3D. Well they made a sequel titled "Night of the Living Dead 3D: Resurrection" and Andrew Divoff has been confirmed as playing the lead in the film. Learn from my mistakes people.

Not going to lie, I thought "11-11-11" was the dumbest name for a movie ever but now there's a teaser for the film, which has yet to be completed, and it looks pretty damn creepy. It's also got giant shrubs trimmed into cool shapes and I'm a sucker for clever landscaping. I've never hidden that fact.

Get ready kids because March 5th "Re-Animator the Musical" hits Los Angeles. Not some crappy art student knock off either, Stuart Gordon is producing and directing the stage version and what's better is the theater has a splash zone. I assume that means blood might be flying and not that there's a dolphin show going on. Maybe a bloody dolphin show, that would be awesome. PETA would throw a fit though.

Here's some good news. Some jackass thought it would be a good idea to make a full length film based on the video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and now there's a bidding war going on. I hope this starts a trend, because I always wanted to see what happened to the couple in the "Take On Me" video. I hope those crazy kids got married.

Here's some hot new details on the story line for the next season of "True Blood". Cage fighters, crappy palm readers and me still feeling like less and less of a man with each passing episode.

Darren Aronofsky has set "Machine Man" as his next project. The movie will focus on a man with a talent for robotics who finds a way to upgrade his own body, with sexy results. Alright I don't know about that last part but if I was writing the script that's how it would go.

Karen Black, Sid Haig, Bai Ling and Traci Lords are set to star in a new horror flick titled "Go Straight to Hell". The movie will focus on the four strangers who have to confess the one sin they didn't repent for while on earth or be sent to hell. I'm just guessing Ling's has something to do with rolling around like a sex doll on TV and Lords' will most likely have to repent for that while underage porn thing.