michael jackson

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 24th, 2010

Here's some good news. Some jackass thought it would be a good idea to make a full length film based on the video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and now there's a bidding war going on. I hope this starts a trend, because I always wanted to see what happened to the couple in the "Take On Me" video. I hope those crazy kids got married.

Here's some hot new details on the story line for the next season of "True Blood". Cage fighters, crappy palm readers and me still feeling like less and less of a man with each passing episode.

Darren Aronofsky has set "Machine Man" as his next project. The movie will focus on a man with a talent for robotics who finds a way to upgrade his own body, with sexy results. Alright I don't know about that last part but if I was writing the script that's how it would go.

Karen Black, Sid Haig, Bai Ling and Traci Lords are set to star in a new horror flick titled "Go Straight to Hell". The movie will focus on the four strangers who have to confess the one sin they didn't repent for while on earth or be sent to hell. I'm just guessing Ling's has something to do with rolling around like a sex doll on TV and Lords' will most likely have to repent for that while underage porn thing.

In Real People News: 

A short clip from a 1928 Charlie Chaplin film has got the internerds all a buzz because there appears to be a women on a cell phone in one shot. Some say the women could actually be a time traveler while I'm just amazed people are still watching silent films. Hasn't anyone seen what awesome full color movies we have now days? With actual words?

I have no idea why you would set out to eat the same thing for two months but a man in Washington is already regretting his 60 day goal of eating nothing but potatoes after the first month. He should have chosen chicken McNuggets, I could eat those things for 4 months straight. They're so good!

On this day in history: 

1967 - Catholic priest Philip Berrigan and others of the Baltimore Four protest the Vietnam War by pouring blood on Selective Service records.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 14th, 2009

Check out the official site for Darren Lynn Bousman's remake of "Mother's Day".

Here's 3 clips from "The Stepfather" remake about to descend on multiplexes across the country. Good lord, this is not going to end well for anyone.

The one-sheet for "Daybreakers", a futuristic vampire film starring Ethan Hawke, landed on MTV today. Very "Matrix"-like... interesting.

New stills from Vincenzo Natali's "Splice"... aka, "running with cats"? I'm just as confused as you are, but I know that this film looks prettye excellent. No word on US distribution yet but we'll let you know as soon as we find out.

In Real People News: 

What kind of an asshole smoker donates his lungs for an organ transplant?

Move along maam, that's just a naked, pasty white man dancing on your air-conditioning unit. Nothing to see here.

Methinks if you're impersonating Michael Jackson and you have to use blackface, something's not quite right.

On this day in history: 

A renowned thinker in the world of Physics things that God may be sabotaging the Super Hadron Collider from the future, so as to avoid all those pesky "end of the world" scenarios that the machine makes possible. The crazy part is, most of his colleagues respect him so much that they're not actually ruling it out.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 25th, 2009

I'm back. Sorry for the hiatus, but it's hard to do the news on an early Friday morning when you don't have Internet. Back at my old house, I was able to steal Internet, but, at the new condo I just bought, all these bastards have passwords and WPA codes and whatnot on their Internet, so, of course, now I have to legitimately pay for it, with a modem and everything. XBOX Live, here I come!

So “Mr. Disgusting” over at Bloody Disgusting posted an “exclusive” synopsis of the upcoming remake of The Gate: “It revolves around Miles and Terry who live in a typical suburban tract. One day, they discover a mysterious crystalline rock in Miles' backyard, they quickly dig up the lawn in search of more. But instead, they unearth The Gate - the opening to an underground chamber containing terrifying evil. The boys soon realize what they have unleashed, as one dire event follows another. With supernatural fiends invading suburbia, it's up to the kids to find the secret that will lock forever THE GATE...If it is not too late.” Exclusive? Really?? Sorry, “Mr. Disgusting”, BUT THAT IS THE EXACT SAME PLOT OF THE ORIGINAL GATE!!! Is that really an “exclusive”??? This just in, we here at BGH have an exclusive synopsis about David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly: “A brilliant scientist, creating a teleportation machine, accidentally transports himself and a common housefly in the machine, with horrific chaos ensuing.” EXCLUSIVE!!! Just call me “Señor Grotesque”!!!

With Twilight becoming a total pop culture phenomenon, filmmakers are clamoring for anything Stephanie Meyer, so her first, ahem, “adult” novel "The Host" has been optioned. Pandering to the lonely, repressed female sci-fi crowd, "The Host" is a post-apocalyptic novel about, oh, I don't know, mutants that sparkle or something. I don't know. You know what I do know though? I think Stephanie Meyer is really hot. I would love to go on a date with her, pretend to listen to everything she says and then go back to her place and just bang her all night, and by all night, I mean for about an hour, upon which, I'll raid her fridge, which I'm sure is packed, watch some cable and pass out on her couch, only to wake up with her four or five cats sleeping on me. Somehow, she'll see this as a the opening of a meaningful relationship and we'll be together forever, just like Bella and Ricardo. (Ricardo's the dude's name, right?)

According to Variety, Dimension Films has unveiled their upcoming slate, which includes "Scream 4", "Spy Kids 4", "Halloween 3", "Children of the Corn", "Hellraiser", "Short Circuit", "Scanners" and "An American Werewolf in London", half of which will be in 3D. Thanks for running the third dimension into the ground, horror filmmakers! Funny enough, this slate is almost exactly similar to Dimension's slate in the late 90s, the same one that ran them into the ground and caused most of their releases to go direct-to-video. "Phantoms 2", please!

In Real People News: 

The Connecticut Karaoke Assaultwould make a great movie title! I'm thinking an “urban comedy/thriller” from Dimension Films!

These Goddamn liberal hippie environmentalists are trying to get rid of “plush” toilet paper. Listen here: the day your take my quadruple-quilted Northern is when you pry it from my cold, dead anus!

In an interview just before his death, Michael Jackson found enough time to take an 8-year-old's penis out of his mouth to call Hitler a “genius orator”. When reached for comment, Hitler said “Really? That's pretty fucked up, dude.”

On this day in history: 

In 1981, Sandra Day O'Connor becomes the first female Justice of the Supreme Court. Contrary to many horrible sexist jokes of the time, she is post-menopausal and her period/PMS will not come to affect any of her decisions.

Horror Fans Remember Michael Jackson

Well, as I'm sure you've heard by now, Michael Jackson, the "King of Pop" passed away today after suffering a cardiac arrest at his home.

Based on reactions I'm witnessing on the various social networks I frequent, responses are decidedly lacking in nuance. Either people are acting as if a close personal relative has died, praising Jackson and ignoring his transgressions, or they're making crass jokes and focusing only on the bad things he's done. It seems to be that way with most things in life these days, and it's a shame.

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