I'm going to answer the question you've been asking for years now. Yes they're making a "V/H/S 2". I know, you were getting nervous. What's more is this time around they've got a pretty kick ass list of directors to create the anthoology sequel. Gareth Evans, Eduardo Sanchez, Timo Tjahjanto and Jason Eisener are all in the mix for this one.
I think so far the reception of the "Evil Dead" remake has been warm to lukewarm, which is pretty good for horror nerds and the internet rage remakes cause. But feast your eyes on a photo of the new Necronomicon from the film. For some reason it's thrown me in a fit of rage. I want a face on it. I want a big weird angry monster face that screams and bites people. I deserve a face on a book.
"Ghostbusters 3" has been delayed again, being pushed from a summer 2013 start date to sometime in the fall of that year. The only thing surprising here to me is that this thing still has a chance of being made.
Mother of god yes. Kurt Russell will star in a new horror/western titled "Bone Tomahawk" about a sheriff and his pals who try to save a group from a band of cannibals. This will be the greatest move of all time. Yes Jennifer Carpenter is going to be in the film too but let's not let her freakish build and man jaw ruin the glory of Russell. Let's just not.
In Real People News:
A 300 pound deer recently jumped into a home in Philadelphia and caused all kinds of damage while a frightened family looked on. It's sad because even with a 300 pound animal running around a house the worst thing about the home is that it's filled with people from Philadelphia. Am I right?!
I can't believe this doesn't happen more often but a skeleton was found under a tree that was uprooted during the hurricane in Connecticut this past Monday. I always assume most trees have dead bodies under them but that's just me.
The saga of "Ghostbusters 3" continues today with new that "Men In Black III" and "Tropic Thunder" script Etan Cohen has been picked up to rewrite the script. I of course originally misread his name as Ethan Coen and got very excited and confused at the same time. I'm kind of stupid sometimes.
If there's one thing you know about me it's that I love me some "God Of War". I know I've never really mentioned the classic PS2 and PS3 games but I think it's been implied over the years that I'm a big fan. Of the first one at least. I've never played the others. But still. Biggest fan ever. So I'm excited to see that Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan have been tapped to write the script for the big screen adaptation of the game. Not so much excited about them. Just excited that a movie is being made. I like movies.
I don't know what it is about Eli Roth but I just want to be his friend and hang out with him. Nothing weird or creepy. I'd just like to play video games with him and maybe get dinner at Outback. But it looks like he's getting busy because he's now in talks to direct a new vampire tale titled "Harker" which Russell Crowe is already attached to. Try to tell me you wouldn't want to split a bloomin onion with Eli. Try to tell me you wouldn't and I"ll punch you right in your god damn face.
"The Monkey's Paw" is a classic tale about a man who comes into possession of a strange monkey's paw that has the power to grant his wishes. I say "classic" because I remember there being an episode of "The Monkees" based on the story and I refuse to believe those guys did anything that wasn't awesome. Well it was only a matter of time before a film was made about the tale and it looks like Brett Simmons, who directed "Husk", is the one leading the charge on it. "Last Train to Clarksville" is a really fun song for opening credits. I'm just tossing it out there Brett.
In Real People News:
Doctors in New Jersey removed a 51 pound tumor from a woman who had waited over a month to be looked at because she was waiting for her insurance to kick in. Enjoy your morning yogurt.
And the bath salts fun continues. This time with a Georgia man being arrested after he tried to fight cops while he had feces in his mouth. No word as to whose feces they were. I hope not his own. That's just gross.
Tomorrow is the 4th of July. I plan on BBQing all day and being passed out drunk before it even gets close to fireworks time. But don't feel bad for me. I've already watched this 2 and a half minute video of people doing awful things with fireworks. Happy Birthday America.
Well it looks like "Ghostbusters 3" is getting an overhaul with a whole new writing team. No word on who the new writing team is but apparently all systems are a go. Until Bill Murray gets the new draft and takes a peepee on it during the 7th inning stretch of a Toledo Mud Hens game that is.
Susan Sarandon is the latest name to be added to the cast of the upcoming rated R stop motion flick "Hell & Back." The romp revolves around a duo who travel to the underworld to bring back their friend who was accidentally taken there. Sarandon will lend her voice skills to the movie in the form of Barb the angel. Which sounds about right because lets be honest at one time or another we've all though she was sent down from the heavens to make our lives better. I can't be the only one right?
A&E has given the thumbs up to at least ten episodes of their upcoming series "Bates Motel." The show will give the viewers insight into how everyone's favorite innkeeper Norman bates came to be a cross dressing killer. I assume it started with lipstick or something. Maybe some heels. Ladies pinch, whores use rouge, Norman.
People are still making magazines apparently and a new one has hit the shelves that might interest some of you deviants. Playzom magazine is now available in some areas of California and via their facebook page. The page turner looks to be one half horror mag, one half guys mag and one half spank material. I know that equals 3 halves. That's just how much content is in there. It's almost too much to handle.
In Real People News:
And because it's America's birthday tomorrow here's an adorable story about the new alternative to seeing eye dogs. Ladies and gentleman I am proud to present to you... the seeing eye miniature horse.
It looks like we are officially done bitching about the cold and have jumped right into complaining about the heat. Anyone who's ever said they don't want to move to an area with a warm climate because they'd "miss the seasons" should be punched in the throat.
I've always been a fan of the term "Heebie-Jeebies". It's just a lot of fun to say, hear, and read. Try it yourself. I'll wait. Fun, right? Trent Haaga on the other hand I could take or leave. He created the much discussed "Deadgirl" and has lined up a new film about a small town that comes under attack by a strange monster. The title is "Heebie-Jeebies". I kind of thought that was implied.
Hollywood hot dog (I don't know what that means) Ridley Scott has dropped the bomb that the version of "Prometheus" we will see and enjoy on June 8th will indeed be a director's cut and be edited from his original version. He then goes on to explain that this pretty much happens in every movie ever made and that it's not really a big deal. I'm sorry this is the worst news item I've ever posted.
Jared Harris, who plays the saucy Britt on "Mad Men" has been cast in the upcoming Hammer Horror flick "The Quiet Ones". Harris will play a professor who leads his students in a dangerous experiment trying to produce a poltergeist. Based on the title of the film I assume there are no spoken words. Should be exciting.
"Well, it's a possibility". That's what Bill Murray said in a recent interview when questioned about "Ghostbusters 3". Move along now.
"No one wants to pay money to see fat, old men chasing ghosts!". Very funny Mr. Bill Murray but I beg to differ. But apparently that's the note he included in a box he sent to Dan Aykroyd and Ivan Reitman that also contained a shredded copy of the current "Ghostbusters 3" script. Look I get the guy is trying to be all Mr. indie and stuff but he also did not one but two "Garfield" movies so what's say ya make with the funny and go put on the pack, buddy.
Here's the first trailer for "Night of the Living Dead: Resurrection". If you just read that sentence and got excited then you might want to see some sort of specialist. You probably don't need to know the plot but there's some zombies obviously and a bunch of people held up on a farm. More importantly it looks like it was shot on a VHS camera from the mid-80's.
The year is winding down and it's a slow ass news day so here's some details on the upcoming "Shark Night" Blu-Ray release. A survival guide, some extra scenes and a clips of people being frightened by a fake shark will be included on the disc that will be released on January 3rd. Unfortunately the movie "Shark Night" will also be included so it's a toss up if you want to get it or not.
And to keep the 'China White' fun going, here's a study that found cocaine was on 90% of the baby changing tables they tested in public locations. This explains why my little bundle of joy is so happy after we change her at the mall. Of course an hour later she's throwing crap at us and slurring like Keith Richards.
"Troll Hunter" is a Norwegian film about a group of students who hunt trolls. See where they got the name from? Well the clever PR folks have put up an official application so you can become an honorary troll hunter. Sounds awesome, right? Sure the entire application is in Norwegian but who doesn't speak that these days. Those Viking lovers are so hot right now.
To capture the magic of Bill Murray's appearance in "Zombieland" the makers of "Zombieland 2" are currently on the hunt for a star of equal caliber to make a surprise appearance. No surprise there, unless you haven't gotten around to seeing the first film yet in which case I apologize for ruining the surprise for you. I'm a bad person.
Here's a trailer for "Grave Encounter's", a new found footage film about a group of reality show hosts who go around looking at haunted houses. The catch is apparently they actually find something. Not like those ass clowns on "River Monsters", they haven't found one actual monster.
Am I the only one who still gets Judd Nelson and Robert Downey Jr. mixed up? I can't be. Well anyway here's a trailer for the new sci-fi/horror flick called "Shadow People" staring "Iron Man" himself. Wait, no... the other one. Which one was in "The Breakfast Club"? Yeah that one, he's the guy in this movie.
Dan Aykroyd has fired off some info around the upcoming "Ghostbusters 3" film and here's a short run down. Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver are still in. Bill Hader, Anna Faris and Eliza Dushku are still maybes. And lastly no confirmation on me, but I assume my offer is coming any day now.
In Real People News:
Hey Harry Potter sickos! Warner Bros. has trademarked Quidditch lingerie so in the off chance you can convince a woman to actually come over to your parent's basement, soon you'll have something creepy to ask her to put on.
I'm pretty sure this is how "Repo Men" started. A Russian man who forked over cash for his girlfriends breast implants now wants his assets back that they've broken up. Alright so he isn't going to go over to her house and take them back, but the hospital may. Probably not in a back alley or anything cool though. We can hope.
I love doing the news for BGH. I really do. But I hate waking up in the morning to do it. Waking up early is a white people thing. “Hey Bruce, what'ya doin' today?” “Why, I'm getting' up early, Steve!” You never hear Mexicans talk like that. As a Mexican, I can tell you from experience that the only thing a Mexican gets up early for is free taco day at the food stamps office. That's where I was this morning! Andele! Arriba, arriba! (shoots two pistols into the air)
Jason Momoa has been signed to star in Marcus Nispel's upcoming reimagining of “Conan The Barbarian”.While I am excited that a new Conan flick is on the horizon, don't you think he should look more like a Boris Vallejo painting and less like a dreadlocked hippie douchebag playing guitar while selling vegan burritos outside a Widespread Panic concert?
It looks like “Ghostbusters 3” is going to be in 3-D. Well, that's disheartening! Is sad to think that a movie of this legendary comedic pedigree, in order to sell it to idiotic audiences in this day and age, needs to resort to this irritatingly faddy 3-D upsurge. What's next? Justin Beiber as the newest recruit? A ghost who Tweets? Slimer relaxing with a Kindle??
Sam Jackson and Josh Duhamel are supposed to star in the next big angels vs. demons horror-thriller “Sympathy for the Devil”. In other news, Asylum has started rolling on the similarly-themed “(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction” starring Mario Van Peebles and Chad Lowe.
In Real People News:
Music industry has-beens Quincy Jones and Lionel Richie, in a bid to gain some sort of opportunistic relevance, are coming together to write and record a new version of “We Are the World” for the victims of that Haiti thing. How much you wanna bet the Black Eyed Peas are gonna be on the front row? That's gonna date it quicker than a Cyndi Lauper solo! Instead of wasting your time caring about the redux, why not instead enjoy this highly offensive version from a Japanese variety show?
Want something that's going to haunt your nightmares? In Turkey, a sheep gave birth to a lamb...WITH A HUMAN FACE! AHHHHHHGHGHGH!!!! Isn't this a sign of the end times in the “Book of Revelations”??? If not, it should be!
Meet America's first legal male prostitute! He's a “well-read college dropout” who charges $300 an hour. Hey, I'm a well-read college dropout...how come I can barely get a free lunch out of my clients? Oh, yeah...the gut. I forgot. :(
On this day in history:
In 1992, Rebel forces occupy Zaire's national radio station in Kinshasa and broadcast a demand for the government's resignation. Then, if that weren't bad enough, things got really dicey when Brendan Fraser and his band, the Lone Rangers, force the DJ to play their demo tape on the air in a bid to get a record deal.