v/h/s

The horror genre is an eclectic genre, with films that run the gamut from quiet and thoughtful ruminations on human existence to noisy and barely contained gore and chaos. As a result, many of the films (and filmmakers) working in the genre are divisive figures. One such divisive figure, known for his deliberate pacing, quiet mood creation, and excellent attention to detail, is director Ti West. As his new film, “The Sacrament,” prepares for its theatrical release, it’s worth noting his career up to this point.

If you can think all the way back to 2012 and the first "V/H/S" you might remember David Bruckner's contribution about a freaky ass monster girl who goes buck wild on some fellas in a hotel room. Well if you liked that you might just want to check out "Intrusion", a soon to be made movie about a woman who moves to San Francisco and finds she is being stalked by a nut bag, because Bruckner has just signed on to direct the project. If you can't remember all the way back to 2012 though you might want to think about seeing a doctor. It was only a year ago. You might have something seriously wrong with you.

M. Night Shyamalan and Juliette Lewis, we used to love them both. Not me so much, but other people, other people wanted to marry them both. Not at the same time I think, I don't really know. I honestly never got the details. But what my point here is, Lewis has been cast as a straight talkin bartender in "Wayward Pines", the new Fox series being helmed by Shyamalan that follows a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find two missing federal agents. Alright I'll just say it, I didn't care for "Natural Born Killers".

I was 99% sure the documentary "Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday The 13th" had already come and gone but apparently it was set for an August 27th release date. I say was because apparently someone attached to the release had the good sense to say, "hey why don't we push the release a few weeks and release it on September 13th? Why you ask? Well because that's a Friday the 13th and the documentary is based on a series of films titled 'Friday the 13th'. You see why that might be a smart idea? Oh good I'm glad we agree. Have you lost weight?" I assume that's how the conversation went at least. I imagine some people with very nice shoes being involved in this conversation.

Of course there's going to be a second "Sharknado" and of course it's going to be called "Sharknado 2: The Second One". Have at it twitter.

It seems like every band out there is putting their music out on cassette tapes these days because they know hipsters think it's clever and will pay 10 bucks for something they probably can't even play. Well it was only a matter of time before the horror world caught on and what better movie to leave the charge than the home invasion anthology flick "V/H/S". The film will be released on the classic big box this coming January in a limited run of only about 300 copies. If you buy all 300 copies I'm pretty sure you get a free 6 pack of PBR.

Terrence Howard has joined Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal in the cast of the upcoming hey you kidnapped my kid so I'm going to torturer the crap out of you flick "Prisoners". The flick is set to start shooting in February and in case you are wondering yes I'd like to go on a weekend trip with Terrence Howard to some sort of mountain resort where we just relax and get to know each other.

"Mara" is a new Swedish film that just got picked up for US distribution and stars Angelica Jansson, a Swedish model making her film debut. If you still need to know what the movie is about to want to see it I hate your guts but it follows a young woman who returns to the home where she witnessed a murder many years ago only to find herself trapped by an a intruder. She's a Swedish model. Shame on you for asking any other questions.

Show of hands, who still has a crush on Goldie Hawn? No one? How is that possible!? Well screw you for judging me. I ask because "Death Becomes Her", the 92 flick in which she co-starred in has been picked up by the folks at Bravo for a new hour long series. Robert Zemeckis will produce the show based on the film about two women who purchase a potion that gives them eternal life. You can't deny that Meryl Streep is the greatest woman to ever live can you? You're a monster.

We all gave this year's anthology flick with a heart of gold "V/H/S" a hearty thumbs up and now you can confirm we have good taste because the film is coming home on DVD and Blu-Ray on December 4th. No word on special features for the film but I hope there's a director's commentary because I want to hear 70 people trying to talk over a movie. I think we all gave it a thumbs up actually. I wasn't on the episode and truth be told I only like to listen to the sound of my own voice on podcasts.

[REC] masterminds Paco Plaza and Jaume Balaguero are moving things out of the apartment building and into the woods with a new flick titled "Summer Camp". Set to begin production sometime in mid 2013 the flick is some sort of weird version of tag where people get killed or something. I don't know the description is confusing but it's going to be in English so I'm on board.

Pascal Laugier's "Martyrs" is still getting all kinds of buzz and everyone is just wetting themselves waiting for word on what he's doing next. Well he's not doing a horror movie so go home and cry now. But before you go you should know he's going to film a love story, with what sounds like a lot of sex. You should also know that he plans on the love story turning very twisted. You should also know I ate french onion dip with my hands last night.

Yesterday I told you about how some small production company is looking to pick up "Fright Night 2" and start pumping out stand alone flicks. Remember? Good cause now I'm going to tell you that word has come down from the mountains that Eduardo Rodriguez will direct the sequel and it will be direct to DVD. None of the original cast will be in the flick so pretty much I think we're looking at another vampire flick with the "Fright Night" name slapped on it. Get excited.

Wait, how did a webcam conversation end up on a VHS tape?

"V/H/S" is a new, independent horror anthology that comes to you from ten, count 'em, ten directors, including current horror golden boy Ti West ("The Innkeepers"). The entire film is shot in a first person "found footage" style, although the subject matter of the stories varies wildly.

It is the witching time of year and the Halloween season is upon us. Let's take a look at what's haunting theaters this fall...


9. Hotel Transylvania

Date: September 28
Director: Genndy Tartakovsky
Cast: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg

I've had nothing but bad things to say about the new anthology flick "V/H/S". Mostly because I write for the internet and that's what you're suppose to do. But today I've seen the new red band trailer and as much as I hate to say it the flick looks kind of good. Minus that stupid flying vampire thing in there. You'll see.

Sometimes I lie awake at night worried about Andrea Riseborough. She's so pale and looks so sickly. Is she ok!? Someone please help her! I might be able to sleep a little better now though since she's been cast opposite Alexander Skarsgard in the new virus outbreak flick "Hidden". The movie focuses on a family who's hiding out in a bomb shelter after a strange virus starts to spread across the land. Please Andrea, use the money from this to get yourself some McNuggets. It may be your only hope.

If you've read "Blood Of Eden" then there's a good chance you're a 14 year old girl. Or you're on some sort of police watch list. Either way I guess you can get your Hello Kitty lunch box ready because Palomar Pictures has picked up the rights to the young adult vampire novel with plans to bring it to the big screen. In all fairness the book sounds a lot darker than the "Twilight" stuff but I'm still going to mock you. I really don't have anything else.

Do you like Frankenstein? Do you like found footage? Do you look vintage German pornography? Then you're going to love "The Reawakening" a new found footage Frankenstein retelling short that will be a part of the upcoming anthology film "V/H/S". Alright the whole German porn thing isn't really a part of this but it really drives site traffic so let's just let that slide.

Excited about the new Judge Dredd flick simply titled "Dredd"? No? What if I was to tell you that the film which is currently set for a late summer release has earned itself a PG-13 rating? Still no!? What if I told you Rob Schneider is in no way attached to the film. Alright now I got you a little bit right?

I've stopped paying attention to all the casting news surrounding the 97 horror shows currently in the works but this one is kind of interesting. Mr. Brad Anderson, who made me giddy with "Session 9" has been confirmed to be directing the pilot episode of "Midnight Sun". The show focuses on an FBI agent trying to track down a strange cult that went missing. As I've mentioned in the past Julia Stiles stars in the show and I've run out of 90's dance movie jokes so lets just move on.

I want you to sit down for this one because it's going to punch you in the face. I'm just going to say it. "Halloween 3D" has been put up on the shelf for the time being. I know it hurts, but we're going to get through this together. Originally set for an October release this year the film has yet to be cast or even written and as it stands now the release date is TBD. So there's still hope that it will happen. Let's all pray tonight.

Good news kids, I think, the horror anthology flick "V/H/S" has finally been given a release date of October 5th for the limited theater run and August 31st for VOD. The film is about a group of robbers who uncover a gaggle of video tapes in a house and find their contents to be rather disturbing. There's too many directors to names attached to this thing so expect it to be 4 hours and feature 10 minute segments from each one of them.

More casting news for "The Evil Dead"! Shout it from the rooftops my friends. Jessica Lucas and Elizabeth Blackmore have both been added to the cast leading me to believe there's not going to be a single man in the film. I base this of course on the news that Jane Levy is playing the lead role and by ignoring the IMDB page that lists two males on the cast list.