As with any horror sub-genre type, the more films that we consume the more we become aware of the rules and possibilities. The slasher genre had its deep cuts during the early to late 1980’s but eventually their impact became that of a paper cut due to their paper thin plots and supposed ending twists. Even the thriller genre isn’t free from fizzling down to a pile of ash. The number of mystery films released with a solid misdirecting plot has become so dismal that any sign of a new iteration is exhausting.
Wait did I know there was a "Poltergeist" remake in the works? I feel like I might have known that. I feel like I might have started a post with this same stupid joke before too. Rosemary Dewitt has been cast in the lead role of the 'hey you built your house on top of an indian burial ground' film so I'm assuming they're doing a remake. What a terrible joke this is to play on here if there really isn't one in the works.
I am a big ol fan of George A. Romero's "Dawn Of the Dead". A super big fan even. But at no point did I ever say, "Hey this needs to be shown in 3D". Despite that thought a 3D conversion is in the works and it look like there might be plans to put the film out in theaters again. No release date has been dropped but apparently the conversion is about a third of the way done so we will see how this all goes. I mean I thought "Nightbreed" only needed to be an hour and 15 minutes so maybe I'm all wrong about this conversion. I'm just a big dumb penis after all.
"Hustle & Flow" is one of the greatest movies ever made and Terrence Howard is one of the greatest actors or all time. There's no arguing that. Any jackass who knows his ass from his hand can figure this out. So now that he's been cast in M. Night Shyamalan new Fox series "Wayward Pines" I have fairly high hopes. The show will focus on a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find to missing agents. Stuff happens I guess, but nowhere do I read a description of a rapping pimp that he encounters so maybe my hopes aren't as high as I thought they were.
Never let it be said that I don't love an extended version of a film. Never! In fact I am rather smitten with the news that to celebrate the film's 40th anniversary the folks at StudioCanal will release "The Wicker Man: The Final Cut". To be released in the UK on DVD this coming October, and hopefully in the US shortly after, the classic film tells the story of a police officer sent to a remote island to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. Seriously, If there's one thing I say about movies it's "Hey could you tack on another 45 minutes to that gosh darn thing already? I'm trying to watch a movie here!".
In Real People News:
If there's one solid way to shoplift a baby alligator it's by shoving it under your shirt. Wait, where the hell are they selling baby alligators these days? Oh West Virginia. Of course. The Florida of the 49 other states that aren't Florida.
A Georgia man accidentally hung himself while trying to break into a bar this past week. Imagine being the first person to come into work and find that mess hanging from the fence? Not going to lie, I'd probably turn around and pretend like I had never been there. Let someone else deal with that crap.
There's a show on Disney Jr. called "Guess How Much I Love You" that my daughter loves and it creeps the holy living hell out of me.
It seems like every band out there is putting their music out on cassette tapes these days because they know hipsters think it's clever and will pay 10 bucks for something they probably can't even play. Well it was only a matter of time before the horror world caught on and what better movie to leave the charge than the home invasion anthology flick "V/H/S". The film will be released on the classic big box this coming January in a limited run of only about 300 copies. If you buy all 300 copies I'm pretty sure you get a free 6 pack of PBR.
Terrence Howard has joined Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal in the cast of the upcoming hey you kidnapped my kid so I'm going to torturer the crap out of you flick "Prisoners". The flick is set to start shooting in February and in case you are wondering yes I'd like to go on a weekend trip with Terrence Howard to some sort of mountain resort where we just relax and get to know each other.
"Mara" is a new Swedish film that just got picked up for US distribution and stars Angelica Jansson, a Swedish model making her film debut. If you still need to know what the movie is about to want to see it I hate your guts but it follows a young woman who returns to the home where she witnessed a murder many years ago only to find herself trapped by an a intruder. She's a Swedish model. Shame on you for asking any other questions.
Show of hands, who still has a crush on Goldie Hawn? No one? How is that possible!? Well screw you for judging me. I ask because "Death Becomes Her", the 92 flick in which she co-starred in has been picked up by the folks at Bravo for a new hour long series. Robert Zemeckis will produce the show based on the film about two women who purchase a potion that gives them eternal life. You can't deny that Meryl Streep is the greatest woman to ever live can you? You're a monster.
A 62 year old Maine man is in jail for the next 5 days after he slapped his ex-wife in the face with his manhood when she refused to have sex with him. What I don't understand is how they got into a position where his man part was out and close enough to her face to smack it and sex was not on the table.