Conan the Barbarian

Snapshots: "Conan The Barbarian" - 2011

Rose McGowan has gotten a little too into her plastic surgery as of late.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 7th, 2011

Take "The Descent" and replace the monsters with creepy guys and add in more pillowing fighting and you've got "The Hike", a new horror flick from the UK that's got a sassy new trailer out for your viewing pleasure. Yes it looks a movie that's been done before but did I mention pillow fights? Alright the trailer doesn't really have any but I like to think it's going to happen... I've got a good feeling.

The good people behind "Super 8" have done an awesome job at not giving away the "big surprise" of the movie but mother of god over the past few days they've released enough clips to make me wonder if they give a crap anymore. Case in point is this new 6 minute chunk that's hit the tubes. I'm hoping by Friday they release the entire movie in clip form so I don't have to pay to see it. Keep your fingers crossed.

A gaggle of new "Conan the Barbarian" posters have been released and while I know the movie is going to be garbage I can't help but be excited. Except for the one that looks like a poster for a new gay porn, that one I won't get excited for, because that's not my thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

For those of you who thought the original "The Human Centipede" was too tame I've got some exciting news for your sick asses. Tom Six's second film in the series titled "The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)" has officially been banned by the UK film board. Apparently it's full of all kinds of sexual deviant type activities and was just too graphic to receive any kind of rating. Are you turned on now? Yeah you are you sick SOB.

In Real People News: 

Sometimes the stress of being a parent gets to be too much and you don't know what to do. So you turn to the same solution that these parents from Illinois did. In other words you give up and just leave yours kids on the side of the road. Then you go to jail. That last part probably wasn't part of the plan.

Driving drunk with your kids inside of your SUV is awful. But driving drunk while you've got 11 kids stuffed inside your SUV, well that's just impressive. And awful, mostly awful. But at least 50% awesome.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 4th, 2011

We're just a week away from the release of "Battle: Los Angeles" and to keep the excitement rolling we've got a new clip for your viewing pleasure. In the clip some of America's finest square off with some "aliens" in the sewers. I put the aliens in quotes because honestly I'm not sure if they're little green men or those Cirque du Soleil weirdos. Either way I agree they must be destroyed.

Despite there not being a cast or director it's been announced that the next installment in the "Resident Evil" franchise will be released on September 14, 2012. Word has it this time we might be looking at a prequel which might mean no Milla Jovovich. Or maybe a CGI version of her... without mom hips... There, I said it.

In other movies that are so far off it seems kind of ridiculous "Mad Max: Fury Road", the fourth installment in the Mad Max series, is officially set to begin filming next January in Australia. Of course the long delay is due to trouble with weather conditions so you can't really stomp your feet and suck your thumb on this one. But I bet you will, you big baby.

I know I'm being stupid here but I'm still super excited about the "Conan the Barbarian" reboot coming out and this new motion poster has got me fired up. Even if it is in 3D and even if it's Sans-Arnold and there's not a Grace Slick in sight. Even if it's directed by the same guy who made the "Friday the 13th" reboot and even if it does star a guy who looks like he should be seducing unsuspecting daughters at crappy resorts in the Bahamas. Even with all those things folks, this movie is going to be awesome.

In Real People News: 

Let this be a lesson to you ladies. When your man is high on meth and he wants to leave, not even jumping on the hood of the car is going to stop him. Because any meth head worth his salt is going to do what this guy in California did and speed away anyway. And by speed away I mean drive for 30 miles on the highway at speeds up to 100 mph. This would sound like some sort of 80's slapstick comedy if it wasn't for the meth and all.

An Illinois man wrecked his car after he passed out behind the wheel while driving home from having his tongue pierced. I don't know if the accident is really that weird a story but I had no idea people still get their tongues pierced. Was he getting ready for the big Marilyn Manson show? I hope he didn't mess up his Farfrompuken shirt.

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