Mortal Kombat

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 29th, 2013

I know I said I'd write the news again and I know I super didn't write the news yesterday but just to be clear I did write it Sunday night and then accidentally hit the back button before saving my post. So technically I did write it, just no one saw it. It was my funniest ever. A lot funnier than today's. Sorry folks.

For those of you who don't subscribe to Showtime or don't know how to illegally download TV shows off the internet like most of America you'll be excited to know that "Dexter" is finally coming to Netflix streaming on October 31st. Well to be more accurate seasons 1 through 5 will be coming to Netflix on the 31st and the rest of the seasons will hit on January 1st. So come January 2nd there will be a whole new crop of people complaining about how the show ended. Happy holidays.

I never remember what movies Neill Blomkamp has made but I do remember always thinking his name sounds like one of those insane sexual acts that no one ever really does but people seem to all know about. What a dirty dirty man. And apparently Sigourney Weaver is a dirty girl because she's signed on to his next film titled "Chappie". No word on what role she'll play but the film is about a robot with mad crazy artificial intelligence skills who gets kidnapped by a couple of gangsters. Kind of like "Short Circuit" but without all of the comedy and an Italian guy doing a terrible Indian accent.

Last week I broke the exclusive news that Clive Barker would be personally writing the script for the upcoming "Hellraiser" remake. I know, I was kind of shocked when he chose me to be the one person he told. Of course he also asked me not to tell anyone else and now we're fighting but it was kind of worth it ya know? Plus, that guy loves an Edible Arrangement so I'm pretty sure I can make it up to him pretty easily. The point I'm getting to here is that he told some other people that the film will in fact be rated R. So now I'm telling you.

Kevin Tancharoen has apparently been onboard to direct the "Mortal Kombat" reboot for about 3 years now. He's decided to leave the project though. Cause ya, it's been 3 years or something. I don't know, I lost interest in stuff after about a week. Case in point the frequency of these news posts. Just saying.

In Real People News: 

Here's a guy in Texas who was hit by two bolts of lightning during the same storm. God hates him.

Here's a heartwarming story about a woman in China who met a sweet man online and eventually liked him so much that she arranged a sexy meet up with him, to have sexy sex that is. Only a couple of problems here though. First, she was married and second she had actually arranged to have sex with her father in law by mistake. What's worse is her husband found the emails she was sending and turned up at the hotel to break up the meeting. Oh I bet they all had a good laugh over that mix up.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 30th, 2011

Did you ever read that book "My Brother Sam is Dead" in middle school? I didn't but I was suppose too. I'm really sorry Mr. Reynolds... you creepy mustached SOB. Well "John Dies At the End" is nothing like that book but today it's got its first poster with all kinds of skull goodness. The movie tells the story of two college drop outs who are trying to stop an onslaught of terror brought on by a strange drug that hits the streets. I just used the word onslaught.

Some behind the scenes photos from "Piranha 3DD" have hit the tubes and they're pretty much what you'd expect from the sequel that takes our man-eating fish to a water park. Unless you didn't expect augmented women in tiny swimsuits. While I don't recognize any of the women from porn there's one with a giant tattoo that is leading me to believe she's done some questionable acting in her day. We can only hope and pray now.

I'm going to address this one directly to Mark because he'll probably be the most excited about it. Hey Mark! Good news. They're rebooting the "Mortal Kombat" franchise with a new film based on the popular web series "Mortal Kombat: Legacy". One catch though. It's going to be directed by Kevin Tancharoen, who did direct the web series but also the "Glee" 3D movie and "Fame" remake. Anyway! How have you been? How's Chicago? Have you been to Millennium Park yet? I hear it's wonderful this time of year.

And lastly Johann Urb, who rivals Sarah Jessica Parker for longest face in Hollywood, has signed on to play Leon Kennedy in "Resident Evil: Retribution" along side Milla Jovovich and her mom hips. So that's some exciting news huh? Got any plans for the weekend? Fall is finally here! You look fat in those jeans.

In Real People News: 

There's really no better excuse than the one this New York woman gave the cops for running over a man. "He asked for it". Enough said...

Sometimes you're in such a hurry that you forget something important. Like your wallet, keys or your bus pass. The last one I do all the time. I have never forgotten my child though. Not even when I'm drunk driving and flip my car like this woman did in California. Well not yet at least.

Freddy Krueger announced as a downloadable fighter in Mortal Kombat!

Yes, I'm back with another hybrid of horror and nerd-ism! And this one made me cream my jeans!

If you're like me, and had been putting off buying the latest Mortal Kombat, you may want to go get your wallet: Freddy Krueger has been announced a downloadable fighter - and he has some of the best fatalities I've seen. This is awesome. Rumor has it, that if enough sales are generated from this, they'll look into adding more playable horror characters.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 25th, 2011

If you haven't seen "Scream 4" yet than I don't want to spoil it for you but without saying too much Wes Craven sat down recently to drop that there will most likely be another 2 films in the series. You see at the end someone ends up being the murderer and that will most likely cause a lot more issues for someone else and a few other people. Then some things happen.

Looks like there's trouble in Oz my friends. Sam Rami and the good people at Disney appear to be having a disagreement over the casting in the upcoming flick "Oz: The Great and Powerful". Apparently Rami wants Hillary Swank to play one of the main witches and Disney wants Michelle Williams. I haven't been contacted for my opinion but if pressed I'd have to say I don't care either way. Mark it down!

All the world has Mortal Kombat fever right now kids and the recent spike in interest of the classic video game is pushing the long held up next film in the franchise along. Looks like not only is Warner Brothers very interested in making a new film based on the game but also with the classics Space Invaders and Rampage. Sweet lord how I loved Rampage when I was a kid. My fat little digits making a giant Gorilla, Werewolf and Lizard fight each other. It was like heaven.

"House at the End of the Street", which focuses on a girl who moves in next door to a house where a double murder takes place and then befriends the one survivor, has been given a February 3, 2012 release date. Elisabeth Shue stars as the girl's mother so look for countless "MILF" references on that podcast in just under a year from now.

In Real People News: 

In honor of Easter a group of teens in Seattle decided to descend on their "friend's" home in the middle of the night and put almost 900 peeps on skewers on his front lawn. Do they need help cleaning that up? I love those freakin' things, I could eat at least 800 of them. The rest probably have bird crap on them or something.

An Ohio man is not taking his recent run in with the law lightly. He's currently working on having a law that states you can't tease police dogs overturned because it goes against his right to free speech. Of course he's mainly doing this because he recently broke the law, but still, who doesn't want to live in a world where our children can go around harassing police dogs without having to worry about the consequences?

Ed Boon (Midway) Makes Too Much Money

Folks that keep up with the gaming world know that Midway, home to the "Mortal Kombat" franchise, is in serious financial trouble. Once the rulers of the roost with games like "Killer Instinct," "Rampage," and "NBA Jams" (a personal favorite of mine) as well as the original "Mortal Kombat" games, Midway has faced serious hard times lately with the abysmal flop of "TNA Impact," among others.

A "Mortal Kombat" Movie Remake, Seriously?

Alright, now I've seriously seen it all. I know that you can't derive much substance from a virtually blank IMDB page, but if the internets are to be believed, there's apparently work being done on a remake of the 1995 movie adaptation of "Mortal Kombat," which was seriously my favorite movie as a 9 year old superdork.

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