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Horror Headlines: Friday March 1st, 2013

I like my Daniel Radcliffe with a size of sassy wizard but it sounds like he might be landing himself the role of Igor in the upcoming Fox revision of the classic "Frankenstein" tale. Nothings confirmed yet but this version is said to focus more on the mad doctor's assistant so it might be a solid role for the little fella. I hope they get that ginger kid to play the monster. I bet that kid needs work too.

Gary Oldman, who is a wonderful actor but seems bat shit insane in real life, has officially been cast in "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes". No word on what role Oldman will play but he'll either be a giant monkey or a member of the last few survivors of the human race after the giant monkeys have taken over. This could really go either way.

Remember when "Teeth" taught us all what vagina dentata was? Yeah that was fun huh? Well the films director, Mitchell Lichtenstein, is now going to teach us about "Angelica". The film is based on a book with the same name and tells the story of a family being terrorized by an apparition from the perspective of each member. Jena Malone is set to star.

I had no idea "Sexy Evil Genius" was a thing but it stars Seth Green and he's just adorable so I'm interested in seeing it when it hits DVD and VOD on April 9th. The film tells the tale of a group of individuals brought to a bar by their ex-girlfriend who is plotting her revenge. I assume the sexy evil genius is the ex-girlfriend and not Green. He's cute and all but his face makes everyone ill. Right?

In Real People News: 

Miss Delaware Teen USA apparently did porn. Anyone who has ever been to Delaware shouldn't be surprised by this. It's the sexiest state in the Union.

A Florida couple is under arrest after they let their child drink Drano from a sippy cup that just so happened to be in the same room they were making meth in. I swear to god Florida, how the hell do you have both the happiest place on earth and the most awful people alive in the same state?

Horror Headlines: Thursday, May 31st, 2012

If you know one thing about me it's that I love... LOVE... Japanese Sci-Fi novels. I can't get enough of them. So the news that my all time fave book, "Tokisuna no Ou (The Lord of the Sands of Time)" is being turned into a big time movie. For those of you not as cool as me the book is about a group of people sent back in time to try to stop an alien invasion that wiped out the human race. Wait if they wiped out the human race how are the people alive to go back? Oh jeez ya got me, I have no idea what this thing is.

So last week we talked about how Sean Durkin had been lined up to do a new mini series based on "The Exorcist", telling the tale that leads up to where the first film picked up. Well it turns out that was a lie, or at least that's what William Peter Blatty, the author and rights holder of the story, says. And I'd guess he would know. But good news is he's got his own mini-series based on the novel that he's hoping to pimp out. So ya know, first sweet, then sour. They should make a candy based on this too.

"Monster Butler" sounds like it would be a laugh out lound romp but in reality it's about a real life serial killer/theif/bi-sexual con man. Not nearly as funny as a mutant that walks around a mansion serving caviar and crap. Dominic Monaghan and Gary Oldman have been added to the cast. Neither of them are funny though. This is the most un-funny post ever.

Conor McMahon's zombie killer clown flick "Stitches" has been picked up by the fine folks at Kaleidoscope Entertainment and Signature Entertainment for a Halloween release in the U.K. No news on when it'll hit these fine States so this one is all for your Brits. Let's call it even for that whole tea party thing.

In Real People News: 

Not going to lie this has happened to me on more than 1 occasion and I've thought of doing the same thing. An Ohio man rammed his truck into a Taco Bell after they forgot to give him his taco. His did this over a taco. I drove all the way home once and realized they forgot my Mexi-Melt. I should be given an award for not burning the whole thing down. They did give me free cinna-sticks for my trouble though. So I guess that was kind of nice.

A 35 year old Alabama woman is under arrest after she decided to take a drive down to Florida, pull over on the side of the road, and go to town on herself while sitting on the hood of her car while passing motorists watched. I thought Florida had enough problems with its own crazy people now they have to worry about people from other states coming there to do their weird crap.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Looks like the good folks at Sony have decided to pick up the rights to "Predestination", a new sci-fi flick from The Spierig Brothers. The film is based on Robert A. Heinlein short story "All you Zombies" and focuses on a secret government group that sends people back in time to prevent terrorist attacks. Maybe they can go back and stop the whole Ska thing in the 90's too. Am I right?

Last week Tom Hardy said that "Mad max: Fury Road" wasn't going to be happening any time soon. But today Charlize Theron is saying that the film going into production next week. I don't know who to believe. Both of them are super hot. But in every interview Charlize Theron has annoyed the crap out of me. On the other hand Tom Hardy is a man with a penis. I'm really on the fence here.

Josh Trank made big waves with his "nobody will hug me and now I have super powers" film "Chronicle" so hopes are high now that he's been given the director role on the upcoming film adaptation of the classic video game "Shadow of the Colossus". The game tells the tale of a young chap who sets out to bring his one true love back to life by battling giant creatures who hold the power to revive her. It sounds insane but the game was awesome. Trust me. I'd never lie to you.

Word around the locker room is Mr. Gary Oldman has signed on to play the scientist who creates the great robot cop in the upcoming remake of "Robocop". Are you excited? I am.... I've run out of stupid crap to say.

In Real People News: 

Don't you dare let your kid talk during "Titanic" or this guy in Seattle will lose his shit and knock out their tooth. He'll go to jail after but still, no tooth. All the kids at school will laugh.

I have no idea whether the penis tug is actually a Kung Fu move but even if it is you sure as hell can't teach it or you'll get locked up like this old guy in New York. It can't be can it? What would be the use of something like that?

Sophisticult Cinema Episode 8: "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy"

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John and Jon discuss the Cold War intrigue of "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy."

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Episode 156 - "Red Riding Hood"

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You voted, we reviewed. This week it's Catherine Hardwicke's "Red Riding Hood", and you might be surprised by the reaction.

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Red Riding Hood (REVIEW)

"Red Riding Hood's" Amanda Seyfried and grandmother

Depending on how you look at these things, "Twilight" was either the best or the worst thing to ever happend to director Catherine Hardwicke. On the one hand, it's "Twilight," pretty much synonymous with printing money at this point.

Episode 103 - "The Book of Eli"

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Oh you WANTED that hand? My bad.

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The DVD Bargain Bin


It's 2009, time for another Nic Cage action/thriller/scifi/blockbuster! Knowing came out to mixed reviews but the trailers look to pack some excitement and mystery. Let's hope it's not held short by Nic Cage's custom dead pan blocky delivery!

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