Emma Stone

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 13th, 2013

This is apparently a thing everywhere but I never heard of it until I moved to Chicago. Yesterday was Paczki Day. Paczki is a Polish donut type thing that were made on the Tuesday before Lent to use up all the lard, sugar, fruit and other things you can't having during the fast. I don't fast or partake in Lent but I sure as hell love a Polish donut. Maybe a little too much. Maybe I ate like 3 of these things and then I heard my heart struggling to pump. I love and hate this town at the same time.

Word has it that "I, Frankenstein", the big screen adaptation of the the graphic novel with the same name, will be dropped in 3D this coming September. Now before you all go getting moist over this you should know that the film wasn't actually shot in 3D, Lionsgate will be doing all the magic in post production. So in other words it's going to suck and they're going to want 4 or 5 extra bucks for it at the theater.

David Hewlett, better know as "oh hey that guy" from a bunch of horror flicks is stepping behind the camera with a new film titled "Debug". The film is about, and stay with me here, 6 computer hackers who have to battle a rouge artificial intelligence program that wants to be human. All kidding aside that sounds like the worst movie ever. There's nothing funny about that.

And the "Zombieland" casting train keeps on chuggin. Has anyone ever used that analogy before? Man, that is awsome right? Frakin bad ass train that does casting. I'm like a freakin poet. Anyway Maiara Walsh has landed the lead role, AKA the one Emma Stone played in the original film. I'm calling this an upgrade because Stone looks like a frog and if you try to tell yourself that you think she's hot then you're only kidding yourself.

NBC is apparently making a "Dracula" series and Thomas Kretschmann has been cast as Van Helsing. I don't know who he is and this show will be canceled almost immediatly. Watch for it.

In Real People News: 

If you're going to stalk your ex wife it's best to do it while wearing full body armor and holding a Valentines Day card. Cause that's sweet. Also carrying a gun and machete though is kind of nuts and you'll go to jail for sure. It's a real fine line.

SOUTH CAROLINA! Raise up, take your junk out, tell the cops it fell out when they try to arrest you! No one else remembers that song? It was awesome. I've used this joke before haven't I.

Horror Headlines: Friday June 24th, 2011

Emma Stone has reportedly been offered the leading role in Grahame-Smith's constantly changing "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". Natalie Portman, who is now a producer on the film had at one time been rumored for the role along with Anne Hathaway and a number of other actresses. So keep your fingers crossed that Stone turns it down. I've heard rumors my name is rapidly moving to the top of the list for this.

Riki Lindhome, who has an IMDB page that leads me to believe she's been on one episode of 75% of the TV shows that have been made in the last 5 years, is the latest name to be added to the growing cast of the Halloween night comedy "Fun Size". The film which follows a pissy teenage girl as she tries to find her missing brother on Halloween night before their mother finds out also includes the comedic stylings of Johnny Knoxville, Jane Levy, Ana Gasteyer and Chelsea Handler. Because nothing's funnier than a good ole' missing child story.

If you liked "Strippers VS Zombies" then you're going to have lukewarm feelings about the new poster for "Strippers VS Werewolves". The movie, which Robert Englund is already attached to, focuses on a group of strippers that find their places of business being invaded by an angry pack of werewolves. Pray Englund isn't one of the strippers, pray a lot.

Speaking of Robert Englund... 2007's "Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer" was a comedic romp filled with over the top blood and guts. But from the looks of the new trailer for "The Shrine" it appears the makers have lost their funny bone and replaced it with some sort of creepy spooky bone. I think that's medically accurate. The movie follows a group of campers as they venture into a small Polish village that turns out to practice a strange human sacrifice ritual. I assume this is what happens to anyone who is stupid enough to leave their couch and go wondering off into strange Polish villages.

In Real People News: 

An Ohio couple is under arrested after they reportable bound a 3 year old girl with duct tape and insulted her, all while filming the entire thing. The reason they did this? Because they got boozed up and thought it would be fun of course. In their defense, it does sound kind of fun.

Here's a Pennsylvania man named Handy Wood who is under arrested for exposing himself to a woman while driving around a local mall parking lot in his mini van. Just to recap, Mr. Handy Wood pulled out his man bits and showed some random women. Make your own jokes for this one.

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