Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 13th, 2013
This is apparently a thing everywhere but I never heard of it until I moved to Chicago. Yesterday was Paczki Day. Paczki is a Polish donut type thing that were made on the Tuesday before Lent to use up all the lard, sugar, fruit and other things you can't having during the fast. I don't fast or partake in Lent but I sure as hell love a Polish donut. Maybe a little too much. Maybe I ate like 3 of these things and then I heard my heart struggling to pump. I love and hate this town at the same time.
Word has it that "I, Frankenstein", the big screen adaptation of the the graphic novel with the same name, will be dropped in 3D this coming September. Now before you all go getting moist over this you should know that the film wasn't actually shot in 3D, Lionsgate will be doing all the magic in post production. So in other words it's going to suck and they're going to want 4 or 5 extra bucks for it at the theater.
David Hewlett, better know as "oh hey that guy" from a bunch of horror flicks is stepping behind the camera with a new film titled "Debug". The film is about, and stay with me here, 6 computer hackers who have to battle a rouge artificial intelligence program that wants to be human. All kidding aside that sounds like the worst movie ever. There's nothing funny about that.
And the "Zombieland" casting train keeps on chuggin. Has anyone ever used that analogy before? Man, that is awsome right? Frakin bad ass train that does casting. I'm like a freakin poet. Anyway Maiara Walsh has landed the lead role, AKA the one Emma Stone played in the original film. I'm calling this an upgrade because Stone looks like a frog and if you try to tell yourself that you think she's hot then you're only kidding yourself.
NBC is apparently making a "Dracula" series and Thomas Kretschmann has been cast as Van Helsing. I don't know who he is and this show will be canceled almost immediatly. Watch for it.
If you're going to stalk your ex wife it's best to do it while wearing full body armor and holding a Valentines Day card. Cause that's sweet. Also carrying a gun and machete though is kind of nuts and you'll go to jail for sure. It's a real fine line.
SOUTH CAROLINA! Raise up, take your junk out, tell the cops it fell out when they try to arrest you! No one else remembers that song? It was awesome. I've used this joke before haven't I.