Horror Headlines: Friday August 7th, 2009
Can we all agree that Fowler Fridays are the sexiest day of the BGH week? I do my best to add a bit of sexy Latin flava to the proceedings. Kinda like that Santana/Rob Thomas collaboration “Smooth”. As a matter of fact, let's consider me Santana and BGH Rob Thomas.
The most anticipated, and let's be honest, probably best, horror film of 2009, Halloween 2, has been rated R by the MPAA for “strong brutal bloody violence throughout, terror, disturbing graphic images, language, some crude sexual content, and nudity” . To me, that's a Tuesday. You know the funny thing about horror fans? For all their griping and bitching, you know they're gonna be there opening weekend for this. Even mice are smart enough not keep touching the feeder bar if it keeps electrocuting them. Maybe that's why I think people decrying the flick are just doing it to get attention...ERIC.
Night of the Demons, or, as I call it be “Night of the Semens”, because I will undoubtedly be masturbating to Diora Baird as soon as it hits DVD, has sadly been pushed back from October 9 to February 2010. Hold tight, L'il Louis...hold tight.
Simon & Schuster has staked out September 29th for the release of their Hellraiser/Clive Barker tribute book Hellbound Hearts, featuring Cenobite tales from Neil Gaiman, Steve Niles, Richard Christian Matheson, Mike Mignola and, um, Mick Garris, who's pinning a story called “Hellbound Hollywood”, which I'm pretty sure is based on a Stephen King short story. Probably “Trucks”.
I really feel like the ocean is rebelling against us in the most horrific of ways. First floating blobs of goo, giant catfish and flying squid...now we have logs covered in slimy tentacles washing up in Wales. Imagine peacefully swimming, enjoying yourself, basking in the sun, only to have that brush up against your back, turning around to find a faceful of tentacles in your mouth. It's like something from a Mick Garris movie.
A dog in Northwest China is suspected of starting an outbreak of pneumonic plague. Those same sources also said they suspected the dog of being “Very very derishious. Ah so!”
You know how Big Lots have been selling great DVD titles for $3 recently, like Tales from the Crypt season one through seven, FOR THREE BUCKS? Many of us have been wondering where they legendary closeouts superstore are getting these titles from...could this be the answer? Little bit of legal advice guys: the defense “they fell off the back of the truck” usually doesn't work. Believe me, I learned this the hard way when I was running Coors from Texarkana to Georgia for Big Enos and Little Enos.
In 1986, William J. Schroeder died after living 620 days with the Jarvik 7 artificial heart. NOT SUCH A BIG MAN NOW, ARE YA JARVIK?!?!