drugs are bad mmkay

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 18th, 2009

Since what the world needs is another vampire movie right now, "Clueless" director Amy Heckerling and Alicia Silverstone are teaming up for the blood-sucking chick flick "Vamps". Vampire finding love in New York? As if!

On the remake front, Anchor Bay has reportedly snapped up distribution rights for Steven R. Monroe's remake of Meir Zarchi's 1978 exploitation epic "I Spit on Your Grave", which stars Sarah Butler, Daniel Franzese, Chad Lindberg, Rodney Eastman and Andrew Howard.

A batch of creepy stills have been released for the Filmax's English-language possession flick "Exorcismus". Considering this is from the studio responsible for "[Rec]" and "[Rec] 2", this should be worth a look.

After years of waiting patiently for its arrival on Region 1, Ji-Woon Kim’s over-the-top South Korean western "The Good, the Bad, and the Weird" is finally coming to North America courtesy of IFC. Better late than never, I suppose.

In Real People News: 

Call me crazy if you must, but I don't think applying over 20 nicotine patches to your body is going to help curb your smoking habit. Drinking and locking yourself in a restaurant bathroom isn't a good idea, either.

Get ready to be utterly depressed: According to reports, the last sardine factory in the United States will close down forever this April. I knew something extremely fishy was going on, but I was hesitant to take the bait.

On this day in history: 

1967 - J. Robert Oppenheimer, the scientific director of the Manhattan Project, passes into shadow.

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 4th, 2010

In my humble opinion, there's nothing funnier than watching Nicholas Cage chew scenery in a fantasy picture, which may explain why I'm happy that the viral website for "Season of the Witch" is finally online. I'll gladly watch you swing swords, Mr. Cage, but I'm still waiting for an apology for "Ghost Rider".

If you're one of the lucky individuals heading to Austin, Texas for the South by Southwest Film Conference and Festival this March, you might want to check out the horror titles currently scheduled to play this year. "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil" will be there, and I'm insanely jealous.

Hey! Do you remember last week when I filled your delicious mind with information regarding a little film called "After.Life"? Well, in case you were wondering, Anchor Bay has scheduled the film for release this Spring. I'm excited, so I know you're excited. Besides, it's hard not to like a film that features both Liam Neeson and Christina Ricci. Isn't it?

Somebody told me yesterday that I should watch the new trailer for Philip Ridley's demonic horror picture "Heartless", and I must say I wasn't disappointed. Plus, it's got demons, as well as a guy who can see demons. Amazing! What will they think of next?

In Real People News: 

Guess what? If you strap your cheating husband to a chair and savagely glue his penis to his stomach, chances are you won't go to jail. What's more, you'll have a cool story to tell at family reunions and office Christmas parties. That's always a plus.

Would you like another reason to stop smoking? All right, how about exploding cigarettes with the ability to destroy up to six of your precious teeth.I'm not entirely sure, but I think this sort of thing can only happen in Indonesia.

According to Britain's MI5 intelligence service, it would appear that certain terrorist organizations are employing the use of explosive breast implants. That girl's rack is the bomb, indeed.

Horror Headlines: Monday December 12th, 2009

MTV announces plans and casting info for their upcoming "Teen Wolf" TV series adaptation. Yes, you read that right.

Out promoting her upcoming movie "Avatar" that you may have heard of, Sigourney Weaver drops some possible plot bombs pertaining to "Ghostbusters 3". These are pretty juicy details, so I will leave them out of this post. If you're intrigued as to the future of Peter Venkman and Oscar the baby? Be sure to click through.

In Real People News: 

A 23 year old man dies during an arrest and search by local police. It turns out, his the huge bag of weed that he tried to swallow didn't go down as easily as he thought it would.

A drunken Chinese boy mystifies doctors as he magically changes the channel on the television every time he rolls over. Further testing proved that the magic came from the remote control lodged in his anus.

Ben Ferrett, a 27 year old South Carolina man, has been awarded compensation in court. He's being compensated for passing out at a party while his so called friend poured super glue into his ear and butt crack.

On this day in history: 

1503: Nostradamus is born.

Episode 98 - "Shrooms"

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Heed our advice... go with the weed instead.

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Horror Headlines: Friday October 30th, 2009

I just booked my plane tickets for Horrorhound Weekend in Cincinnati, November 20-22. Not only am I really hoping that that one dude who has the $10 bootlegs that was at Indianapolis will be there again, I am really looking forward to being around fat people again, especially the BBWs. You bring the vaginal lubrication, I'll bring the hot tub.

I am looking everywhere for horror news. Everywhere. With the exception of something with Ashley Olsen called “Beastly”, there's no news. None. Oh, there's plenty of news about Anthony Hopkins playing Odin in the “Thor” adaptation, or that “Men in Black 3” is moving forward, but nothing that is remotely horror related. Um... Cameron Diaz might be remaking Mel Gibson's “What Women Want”. That's pretty damn scary. “Twilight” is getting re-released in theaters. UGH.

I know that some of you are probably freaking out right now, but, you know... BREATHE. It'll be okay. Here's an idea: how about trying out some new genre this weekend? You're life can't all be horror and, if it is, chances are you're highly unemployable. Why not try a nice romantic comedy? I watched “The Proposal” the other night and found it absolutely delightful!

Or, even better...how about turning off the TV and taking your puppy to the dog park? Yeah! Get off your fat, unwashed ass and cavort and frolic with your loving pet. He could die at any minute. Do you want the guilt of having this loyal companion die of loneliness while you watch “Evil Dead 2” for the 30th time? Don't have a dog, volunteer at an animal shelter. DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE, YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE.

In Real People News: 

Doctors in the Ching-chong province of China are “baffled” by a young girl's skin becoming rapidly covered in soft, black and gray cat-like fur. While in America furries proclaim this a total “cream dream”, they were ultimately saddened to learn that the girl has already been cooked and eaten with stir-fry vegetables and spring rolls. Ah so!

Bulgarian police have seized 110 pounds of heroin hidden in cans of sauerkraut. In related news, I'm going to Bulgaria. (No, seriously. Have your tried heroin? That shit is the bomb. It is really relaxing and calming....so peaceful. It's really easy to become addicted to, so you need to pace yourself and have immense will power. The best thing to do is to save it for the weekend, maybe a Saturday night or Sunday afternoon. Put on an Eagles record and let the pale horses run.)

Singer-songwriter Sting believes that Obama was “sent from God”. Just when you think Sting couldn't become anymore irrelevant, he goes and surprises you. Why doesn't he just cut out the middle-man and change his name to Phil Collins?

On this day in history: 

In 1996, the Odwalla company officials withdrew their products from over 4,600 stores after an outbreak of E. Coli in their apple juice, which in the end sickened over 60 people and killed one. Oddly enough, I drank one of these things a few days ago and practically shit my guts out.

Drunktoberfest Week 4: Beers For Halloween

So October is coming to a close and Saturday you‘ll probably be out at a party dressed as a farm animal trying to get your swerve on with a hooker vampire. It’s beautiful really. But what kind of beer will you be drinking? Here’s a few suggestions that might help your liver get in the Halloween spirit with you.

Wachusett Brewing Company, Inc. - Green Monsta

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 20th, 2009

For those of you that think vampires have grown a bit too soft and emo these days, you might be excited to hear that Vinnie Jones has signed on to star in "The Bleeding". Vinnie Jones; vampire hunter? Sounds good to me.

Jesse Eisenberg, star of "Zombieland" is bringing us more horror, this time in a movie called "Camp Hope". No zombies this time around, instead we watch as Jesse faces inherent evil as it invades a children's spiritual retreat! "This one time... at Jesus camp..."

Screenwriter Akiva Golddman, responsible for such films as "I Am Legend" and "Batman and Robin" bring news of a new version of "Swamp Thing" is in development. Goldsmsn explains that they hope to keep the character closer to Alan Moore's comic book creature as opposed to the incarnations we've had so far.

Those of you that were fearing the inevitable announcement of "Scary Movie 5" can put those fears to rest. Instead, you can dredge up a whole new host of fears as the Weinsteins opt to go with a "Scary Movie" reboot. "Scary Movie 1: Again". Nothing snarky here, I'm just going to let that one soak in a bit.

In Real People News: 

Swiss authorities stop a man who gives a whole new meaning to the term 'reckless driving' when he racks up 15 different traffic violations in just under 11 minutes. That's dedication folks.

Not accustomed to the Indian Summer and the unseasonably warm temps, a 125 lb. Black Bear saunters into a Minnesota grocery story and sits in the beer cooler for an hour. The bear was eventually tranquilized and is doing fine. Yes, I'm okay. No, I haven't been to Minnesota anytime in the past few days.

On this day in history: 

1780 – The Great Hurricane of 1780 kills 20,000-30,000 in the Caribbean.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday July 7th, 2009

"The Gate 3D" has secured $1.9 million and will begin shooting in Germany shortly, under the direction of Alex Winter. Winter starred in "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" in the 80's, and also directed the 1993 cult classic "Freaked".

Vanity Fair has a few, slightly new pics from "Alice in Wonderland", directed by Tim Burton and starring Helena Bohnam Carter, Johnny Depp and Anne Hathaway.

Darren Lynn Bousman lines up comic adaptation for after he's finished shooting the "Mother's Day" remake.

In Real People News: 

Naked man arrested for running into an arcade on the California/Nevada state line... says he took some LSD and thought he was "the Terminator". Awesome.

This is what happens when internet fights turn into real life fights complete with ear-biting. Just let it go people, let it go.

Gay lumberjacks protest teabaggers. Easily the best headline this week.

On this day in history: 

1665: King Charles II and his entourage flee London, a city suffering the ravages of the black plague. At this point, about 2,000 Londoners are dying weekly.

Horror Headlines: Monday July 6th, 2009

We'll be recording this week's podcast tonight, with the topic of choice being David Lynch's cult classic "Eraserhead". If you have any last minute thoughts, be sure to hit us up on the contact page or send us a message on Twitter.

The release date for the "Hellraiser" remake has been changed from 2009 to "To Be Announced". According to Box Office Mojo, the official title is "Clive Barker Presents: Hellraiser". At least I like the title. Now we'll just have to wait and see how the movie turns out.

The people behind "Sorority Row" listened to me and went with the poster that has all of their actresses laying all over each other. It makes studios happy because it vaguely resembles those cheesy "floating head" posters, and it makes me happy because it's sexy. See, everybody wins.

"Predators" will be "Aliens" only with "Predators". Got it? To expound, the sequel will follow a group of people stranded on a Predator planet who have to deal with the "horrors they encounter".

Rob Zombie's "Halloween 2" is a little less than a month away folks. Up on Zombie's blog today is a still of Sheri Moon Zombie with the new boyhood Michael Myers, Chase Wright Vanek. I haven't been paying that close attention but I believe this is really the first time we've seen this new Myers in an official still... so, there it is.

New stills for "The Final Destination". See that last one there in the theater... how meta! It's like you were murdered in your seat while you were watching the movie in 3D. Get it?

In Real People News: 

Remember kids, even unconvincing, fake mushrooms can get your ass sent to jail. That's an important life lesson right there.

All you need to know about this fight is that at one point someone crapped on someone's back as an offensive move. I smell a new fighting style. Zing!

You know when you pass out drinking with your friends, and when you wake up they've drawn a penis somewhere on your face? this is kind of like that, only it's in prison... and permanent. Ouch.

On this day in history: 

1535: Sir Thomas More, an English politician, is sentenced to be hanged, drawn and quartered. King Henry VIII takes pity on him and changes the sentence to beheading. Said head is hung on display from London Bridge before being rescued by his daughter a month later.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 31st, 2009

It took me a while, but I'm officially back from the dead (and the Philadelphia airport), and I'm here to bring you today's horror news!

Here's an image of Michael Myers walking through Haddonfield. It's sort of mysterioso I guess, but Zombie is seriously testing my ability to post stuff about his "Halloween" sequel every single day. Will it let up after they're done shooting in Georgia? Let's hope so, because I'm about ready to go cold turkey on "H2" news.

MTV claims that the comic book XXXombies is coming to the big screen. What is XXXombies about you might ask? Why, zombies fighting porn stars, what else?

Bill Hader will star in Judd Apatow's slasher flick "House of Joel". Somehow I love all three of those things, but when you put them together in once sentence it makes me supremely uncomfortable. Go figure.

First images from the second season of "True Blood" on HBO. Even though every one of our commenters tells me it sucked and they stopped watching, it appears that there are still some people out there interested in this show. I just can't seem to find them.

In Real People News: 

Not sure if I really care about seeing video of the Vice President's daughter snorting cocaine. I'm kind of intrigued by the description of her stumbling around and complaining that the line wasn't long enough though. That girl's a trooper!

The parents of a dead girl recently received a letter from her high school demanding she improve her attendance record. "Alright", her parents said, "but it's not going to be pleasant for anybody."

I would imagine a police officers' convention is not quite as fun as a horror con... additionally, it's probably a lot harder to rob, but that didn't stop someone from trying recently.

On this day in history: 

1996: During a homebrew exorcism in Rhode Island, a man accidentally punctures the esophagus of his mother-in-law when he jams two pointy steel crucifixes down her throat, causing a large quantity of blood to gush out. Mario Garcia is later charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.

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