drafthouse films

CHEAP THRILLS (REVIEW)

Cheap Thrills makes for the edgy, black comedy that leaves you in stitches throughout but at the same time makes you feel like an utter bastard for enjoying yourself. For his first feature film EL Katz taps into the very real economic fears that weigh heavily on the mind of audiences that live from paycheck to paycheck and sweat bullets wondering if the direct deposit will go through before the utility bill clears. It's a movie for anyone that has ever exited their apartment via the fire escape the first few days of the month in order to avoid a pissed off landlord in the hallways.

Horror Headlines: Friday, December 2nd, 2011

If you're not in the know like I am then you're probably clueless on "Hunger Games", a movie based on a book where kids are sent into a giant playing field and made to battle to the death. Well since it's based on a book and the movie is going to make the kids go gaga it's only stands to reason that the books would now be re-released with the hot teen heartthrobs adoring the cover. So here they are, the new hot sexy covers. I just used the word adorning.

When I was a kid and I popped in a VHS tape I knew I was in for a good time when I saw the Cannon Films logo come up. The "American ninja" movies alone filled up at least 3 years of a young Joe's life. And don't get me started on how much I loved the "Breakin'" films. Sadly, Cannon Films is gone but Documentary film maker Mark Harley is paying tribute to the classic video company with a new flick titled "Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films" which has just been picked up by Drafthouse Films for distribution. Seriously, you should have seen my fat 6 year old ass trying to break dance. It would've made you throw up.

"Cabin In the Woods" is a new horror flick from Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon about a guy who goes to a cabin with some friends and then finds a bunch of weird awful crap. I know that makes no sense but that's what we've got for a plot description. Want to get even more confused? Check out the new poster for the film. It's got a cabin all messed up like a rubix cube or some crap. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Seriously, I was so fat and I was trying to do a head spin.

America may have never have gotten over the whole Tom Cruise going crazy thing but no one can deny that's he's just so tiny and adorable you want to lock him in your closet and keep him for your own. Every morning you'd wake up and peek inside the closet to see little Tom Cruise sleeping on the tiny little bed he's chained to. At night you'd dress him up in doll clothing and put on elaborate dinner shows with him as the star. All the while knowing that you've got one of Hollywood's top leading men as your little tiny man doll. It would be a dream. Anyway, Tom's going to star in "All You Need Is Kill" as a solider who gets trapped in a time loop when he's killed. I think I've said too much.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a guy in Florida who became so upset when his hooker didn't finish the job that he kidnapped her one year old daughter. I want you to sit there and think about that sentence for a minute. Now go call your mother and tell her that you love her.

And the insect take over has begun. Here's a freakin grasshopper the size of your god damn hand. We had a good run folks.

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