Horror Headlines: Friday, May 25th, 2012
Chances are most of you have checked out already for the long weekend so I kind of feel like I can say anything I want in the news today and no one will notice. Even if you actually showed up to work and are looking at this copy you're not really reading it. You're thinking of dry humping your best gal on the beach somewhere or whatever the hell it is you'll be doing this weekend. So here it goes... I've never understood why people like "Lord Of the Rings" and I've never found Angelina Jolie attractive. Alright let's do this.
The Spy Kid himself Mason Cook has signed on to play the role of young Eddie Munster in NBC's new series "Mockingbird Lane". For those of you not familiar with the show "Mockingbird Lane" is an updated and much darker retelling of the classic sitcom "The Munsters". One time when I was in middle school I tried to make it with a butter churn.
New Jersey's own Zoe Saldana has been added to the cast of "Machete Kills" and Danny Trejo himself has confirmed that he gets to put his mouth on her. How's that for news? I watched 3 seasons of "Glee" before I realized it was awful.
If there's one complaint I always hear about the classic film "The Exorcist" it's that the film is just too darn scary and needs to be watered down. Well good news for all those who hate awesome things the flick is being remade and for television. The show will be a ten part series and in all fairness with "Martha Marcy May Marlene" director Sean Durkin onboard I don't hate this idea as much as I thought I would. I illegally downloaded 3 Linkin Park songs that I have on my iPod when I run.
Derek Mears, who's been in every horror movie made in the last 15 years, only covered in make up... and Caroline Williams, who played Stretch in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2", have been added to the cast of the much anticipated "Hatchet 3". My first time was with a girl I met on the internet and never spoke to again after that night.
Sometimes you've got to get the skid marks out and the only way to do that is to break into your neighbor's house and do your laundry. Sometimes that is.
In case you were wondering, Ted Kaczynski, better known as the Unabomber, will not be able to attend his 50th college reunion at Harvard. Ya know, cause of all the bombs and stuff he makes.