Horror Headlines: Monday April 11th, 2011

The first trailer for Lars Von Trier's new end of the world flick "Melancholia" has hit the tubes and much to my surprise it looks fairly un-hammer-to-the-penis-like. Yes that women who took a hammer to William Defeo's penis in "Antrichrist" is in this movie, so you keep thinking about it, but there's nothing to lead me to believe that's going to happen again. God I hope that doesn't happen again.

Speaking of Willem Dafoe and his lumbering manbits, they'll both be in the upcoming big screen adaptation of Dean Kootz's "Odd Thomas". The story focuses on a cook who's able to speak to the dead. Defoe plays a police chief who knows the young lad's secret. I have no clue if Defoe's member will be playing a different role.

It looks as if Rob Hall's "Fear Clinic" mini-series will be making it's way to the big screen, and Danielle Harris and Robert Englund are both on board for the magic. For those of you who aren't familiar with the series or Rob Hall's spiky hair, it follows a group of patients who come to a clinic in order to cure the phobias that run their lives. Much like the god awful fear I have of Willem Dafoe's privates. Let's keep this going!

Jessica Biel his apparently been offered a role in the upcoming "Total Recall" remake. No confirmation on which role she's been offered but chances are it's one of the two leads. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would be into playing that big women who has an exploding head or the three boobed hooker. Then again what do I know, I'm still focused on Willem Dafoe's flim flam. Happy Monday folks!

In Real People News: 

I have no idea if there's a bestiality handbook out there, but I don't think you need one to know you don't do it in your backyard. But it looks like this 17 year old in New Zealander doesn't know that because he's been convicted of the animal nasty after his neighbor saw him making love to his cat. Yeah I said it, making love.

After 64 years on this planet you've got to be struggling for ideas on how to celebrate your birthday. But this Florida man came up with something new, he flashed a school bus full of kids! I would of gone with a trip to Denny's, I'm pretty sure you eat for free. But flashing a bunch of kids would be a close second.

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