God please let this drag out. Apparently there's a big ass distribution rights argument going on between Relativity Media and The Weinsteins for who gets to put out "The Crow" remake. Lawyers are getting involved and much to my surprise apparently both groups actually want to put out the film. I assumed it was some sort of kicking in the balls match they had for who has to put out the movie or something.
Did you like "Tron: Legacy"? You did!? Me too! We're twins! Did you notice I make this same joke every other week!? You did!? Go to hell! Anyway the same fellas that wrote the script for the Tron sequel have now picked up the torch to bring the comic book "Rex Mundi" to the big screen for Johnny Depp's production company, Infinitum Nihil. That name of course means whale's vagina in German. Screw you guys, you come up with Rob Zombie jokes every other day.
Here's more exciting casting news for "Hunger Games"! Willow Shields has been cast as Primrose Everdeen, the younger sister of someone else in the movie that I have no idea about. Just so we're clear I am still completely confused buy the plot of the movie, which apparently has children fighting to the death. And now I have no idea who this Everdeen girl is. Wait has anyone seen my glasses?! Oh Christ!
"Dylan Dog: Dead of Night" has gotten jack and squat as far as advertising but mother of god it looks pretty good. Need proof? Look at this new clip that features some sort of mega-zombie type creature. And then you can F yourself for ever questioning me. I thought we were past that.
In Real People News:
Mother of god the animal rights pricks ruin everything! Goldfish racing at the Harmon Tap Room in Tacoma Washington has been canceled after those tree huggers complained because a few goldfish died. They know you can get 40 goldfish for about 5 bucks, right? That's how much their lives cost! God I hate hippies.
"An incredibly dangerous, homemade mini crossbow made of silver and gold that shoots flaming firework darts". Get me this and I swear I will give you my first born... but not really.
Jesse Eisenberg, star of "Zombieland" is bringing us more horror, this time in a movie called "Camp Hope". No zombies this time around, instead we watch as Jesse faces inherent evil as it invades a children's spiritual retreat! "This one time... at Jesus camp..."
Screenwriter Akiva Golddman, responsible for such films as "I Am Legend" and "Batman and Robin" bring news of a new version of "Swamp Thing" is in development. Goldsmsn explains that they hope to keep the character closer to Alan Moore's comic book creature as opposed to the incarnations we've had so far.
Those of you that were fearing the inevitable announcement of "Scary Movie 5" can put those fears to rest. Instead, you can dredge up a whole new host of fears as the Weinsteins opt to go with a "Scary Movie" reboot. "Scary Movie 1: Again". Nothing snarky here, I'm just going to let that one soak in a bit.
In Real People News:
Swiss authorities stop a man who gives a whole new meaning to the term 'reckless driving' when he racks up 15 different traffic violations in just under 11 minutes. That's dedication folks.