Robert De Niro

Red Lights (REVIEW)

Unlike many sci-fi or horror films that require huge leaps of faith or suspensions of disbelief, perhaps the only thing that "Red Lights," the new film from Rodrigo Cortes ("Buried"), asks of the audience is that they presuppose "The X-Files" never existed. Mulder and Scully famously made skepticism cool as they toured around the world investigating paranormal events.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, July 5th, 2012

"Motel" is a new thriller about a hit man brought to a secluded motel in the delta bayou who finds he must battle his peers for survival. Sounds like the worst vacation in the world? Am I right? And what's the deal with airplane food! Anyway John Cusack, Robert De Niro and Crispin Glover have all been added to the cast so maybe it wouldn't be such a bad trip after all. Well unless that Glover guy goes in the pool. He's so pale. It'll frighten the children.

I don't know why I just assumed that the "Total Recall" remake was going to be rated R but it looks like the scamps over at the MPAA have dropped the bomb that it will in fact be slapped with a PG-13 tag. This pretty much ruins the hopes I had of seeing an updated version of the 3 boobed hooker. Thanks guys, thanks for ruining our nation's birthday.

Entrepreneur Marc Siwak is working on plans that would bring a live action zombie based theme park called "Z World" to the Detroit area.The plan would take over 200 acres of abandoned housing and factories and turn them into an overnight adventure where people can live in their very own zombie outbreak. I don't want to spoil anything but I'm pretty sure if you want to run for your life in Detroit you can pretty much do that for free now pretty easily.

It's the day after the 4th of July so it's really slow and truth be told right now I'm pretty caught up with video footage of Lita Ford singing "If I Close My Eyes Forever" at a recent concert so I'm just going to tell you that Jena Malone has apparently landed the role of Johanna Mason in "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire". I know what you're wondering and the answer is yes, Lita sings the Ozzy part and yes she goes right into "Kiss Me Deadly".

In Real People News: 

Three women in Florida getting arrested for prostitution isn't news. I mean unless one of them is named "Donkey". Then it's a cover story in my book.

If you're going to go to town on yourself while sticking a water gun up your backside don't do it while driving. That's just unsafe for everyone.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

Ever see that show on MTV "My Super Sweet 16"? Well if you have then you've probably also had the urge to get in your car, dive to these spoiled pricks home and end them. Well got bless Bobcat Goldthwait because he made a movie called "God Bless America" with just such a plot. What's better is said film has been picked up by Magnolia pictures and will be finding it's way to VOD in the near future. Yes, I watch a lot of crap on cable.

Rodrigo Cort├ęs made everyone giddy last year when he put Ryan Reynolds in a box for 90 minutes and just let him talk. Well his follow up to that is "Red Lights" staring Robert De Niro as a famous psychic who returns to the spotlight after 30 years of being off the radar. Then he gets put in a box for an hour and we just bask in all his glory. Probably not. Check out the new trailer and see if I'm a giant liar. I love you.

If you were a big fan of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows" as a kid then I'm willing to bet you spent a lot of time along in your room talking to your privates. But now Tim Burton is making a movie about the tv show and it stars Johnny Depp so people will love it and you and your genitals can go out into the world with pride. Here, look at these new photos from the set. Everyone looks so pale. Pasty is going to be the new tan. I'm going to be famous!

In Real People News: 

Here's a fun story about a father who faces charges after he kicked his son in the stomach because he was making spelling mistakes at school. Awful yes, but I'm a terrible speller, always have been. If I thought there was a swift kick to the stomach waiting for me when I brought home a D on my spelling test I probably would have tried harder.

And here's a story about a man who was decapitated by a train at Penn Station in NYC this past weekend. Which is weird because I have heard nothing about this on the news. I have however been fully briefed on what's going on with fashion week.

Video: Boat Load of New Clips From "Machete"

A ridiculous amount of clips from "Machete" have found their way online and they're pretty much what you would expect. Lots of blood, lots of strippers and some serious bad acting. I mean all three of those things in the best way possible. Check them out below and look for "Machete" this Friday in theaters.

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