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ATM (REVIEW)

"Buried", "Frozen", "Phone Booth" and countless other horror/thrillers have tried their hand at the 'single location' genre as I'll call it. The genre is a problem in itself; relying exclusively on compelling characters, mysterious motives, or potential plot twists with the setting to provide exciting entertainment. For example "Buried" plays upon the charisma of Ryan Reynolds and his character's everyman plight. "Frozen" adds the wrinkle that the ski resort won't be open for another week and a blizzard is coming.

Horror Headlines: Friday January 29th, 2010

OK. I'm trying something new. It's about 1 AM right now and I am going to write the news now, and I'll go back and proof it in the morning. This is a plan that's gotta work. But what if something HUGE happens overnight, like, say, Robert Englund casually drops a Freddy reference at a convention or Bruce Campbell says there's not going to be an Evil Dead 4 while at a book signing? Let's be honest: just about every other site will be covering that ad nauseam anyway, so, really, what can I add to it that, I don't know, Cousin Freaky over at DreadfulDisgusting.com will rant and rave over?

After 31 years, bloated indie-studio Miramax has closed it doors for good. Now, as many horror fans know, Miramax was the home of the genre-label Dimension Films, which brought us such classics as Phantoms, Highlander III and The Crow: Wicked Prayer, among others. The good news is that when Miramax founders Bob and Harvey Weinstein left the company, they took Dimension with them. The bad news? Now those guys new film group, the Weinstein Company, is on the verge of bankruptcy! If they go out of business, who'll make all those shitty Hellraiser and Scary Movie sequels? The answer? ME.

Yo, cheap-ass horror movie rentaz! Listen up! So this bullshit with Redbox is about to get even more real, son! First, you'll have to wait 28 days to rent Warner titles. Ain't that some noise, son??? Now, here come the wackest blow: most Redboxes are stocked by franchisees who purchase titles from Target or Best Buy. Because of this, stores are initiating a five-copy-per-customer limit on all titles. AWWWW HELL NAW, SON! How'm I gonna rent Saw 6 with that brotha who played Eddie Winslow on Family Matters? Thanks, Redbox! Now I'ma gonna download that shit, son!

Speaking of uneducated wiggas, the Insane Clown Posse are back with... a western. Yep. Fresh off the success of the ultra-gory Death Racers, the dimesack duo have upped the ante and lowered the bar even further with Big Money Rustlas. Now I know this isn't horror, but, really, isn't the scariest thing imaginable a Juggalo with unwashed hands handling your McDouble on the assembly line at McDonald's? It is for me, because it just happened. I found a long green hair in my fries as well. Either way, I'm looking forward to the self-esteem building entertainment I'm sure that Rustlas will supply and, as an added bonus, when the BGH gang covers it on the podcast, I'd like to sit in. Clown make-up optional, fellas!

In Real People News: 

If you're trading cigarettes for intercourse, do you really expect it to be any good? Really? I've had sex for money—both as the customer and the merchant—and, let me tell you, even that is kinda empty and hollow; just giving up that strange for some smokes, well, that ain't gonna make the dingle tingle. But tell that to these two chicks in Tennessee who are being charged with making a false rape claim because they “didn't enjoy the sex”. And while women making false rape claims is quite disconcerting, I wanna know how to get into contact with these girls: I've got a carton of Newports, a raging hard-on and incredibly low standards!

It seems that even America's most lovable boogeyman, Osama Bin Laden, is jumping on the Al Gore bandwagon and coming out against “climate change” . In a new audiotape, he blasts (not literally, surprisingly) America for hunger, desertification and floods. This is thought to be the first in a series of his “green-tips”. The next one? “Instead of buying new materials to make your suicide bomb, why not use recycled materials...oh, wait...”

On this day in history: 

In 1916, Paris is bombed by German zeppelins. Meanwhile, this morning, I'm getting bombed while listening to Led Zeppelin. Wake 'n' bake, bros!

Horror Headlines: Monday December 28th, 2009

The family of the late Dan O'Bannon has launched a new website to celebrate his career. For fans, there is no better place to celebrate O'Bannon's genre legacy, including info on his final script as well as future zombie project he had intended to direct.

Did you get a shiny new Blu-ray player for Christmas? What better way to break it in than with a copy of "Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead" in HD!. The disc arrives on February 23rd.

To help soothe your post holiday blues, new stills have surfaced from the upcoming Nicholas Cage feature, "Season of the Witch". His hair alone is bound to give you a few laughs.

Sure, "American Psycho" is 10 years old now and a new TV airing of the film isn't exactly news worthy. However, this New Zealand billboard promoting the airing on TV2 is pretty amazing!

In the wake of Brittany Murphy's death, DVD rental source Redbox scrambled to pull the cover art from Murphy's last film, "Deadline" across the country. The images of the actress lying dead in a bathtub felt a little too close to home for Redbox... they're probably right.

In Real People News: 

An 84 year old Indian politician resigns his post after a sex tape featuring himself with three women surfaces. Rumors state that his next post will be as a spokesman for Viagra.

Japan's oldest stripper prepares to celebrate her 70th birthday. The world prepares to vomit.

Staff at the Great Yarmouth Sea Life center in Norfolk are cutting brussel sprouts from their menu because the resulting turtle farts are tripping overflow sensors in the tanks. It's the same reason I stay away from them... wouldn't want to gas the family at the dinner table.

On this day in history: 

1987 - R. Gene Simmons kills two coworkers and injures four others in Russellville Arkansas, and then surrenders. The workplace carnage comes after Simmons kills 14 relatives over the Christmas holiday.

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