lloyd kaufman

In which we try to make sense of "Return to Nukem High: Volume 1"...

The wait is over my friends, Troma's "Return to Nuke Em High" will finally hit DVD and Blu-Ray on March 18th. Lloyd Kaufman takes to the director chair again for this sequel to the beloved 1986 classic "Class of Nuke 'Em High". The disc will be chock full of commentary tracks, behind the scene features and all kinds of other magic. You like magic don't you? What kind of jackass doesn't like movie magic?

The other day I was clicking around the old boob tube and stumbled upon something called "Lizzie Borden Took An Ax" which turned out to be a new film staring Christina Ricci as the infamous parent killing ax wielding nut bag. I immediately though "Hey is this Lifetime? Wow I'm not going to watch this! Hey let's not watch that." Then I moved on. Now I read that the flick is being released on DVD this coming April 8th. So just in case you don't have Lifetime but still want to enjoy a movie that was made for Lifetime... ya know this might be important news.

Who doesn't want to see Jennifer Lopez lose her mind and go on a killing spree? No one I want to be friends with that's who! The film is called "Lila And Eve" and it's just been picked up by A+E Networks for an early 2015 release. The project also stars Viola Davis who along with Lopez goes on a killing spree of the local bad guys after their children are murdered. So ya know... I guess it's not that sexy of a movie after all.

Content Films have picked up "The Heist", a new film about a group of robbers who plan to hit a bank that just so happens to be built on top of another bank that just so happens to be haunted by a group of robbers who tried to rob the original bank. Confused? It just so happens to be a slow day and this just so happens to be the best I have right now. I swear I'll stop writing the news again.

Things are about to get... awkward...

Abigail Breslin, who stole our hearts in "Little Miss Sunshine" has officially been confirmed to be taking the lead in Vincenzo Natali's new flick "Haunter". The story revolves around a girl who dies tragically in the late 80's and reaches out from beyond the grave to help a family avoid the same fate. If she tripped over a Rubik's Cube or something and fell down the stairs, I think the coast is clear on a repeat.

Here's a good one. "Sucker" is a new flick from the gentleman who played Wyatt in the "Weird Science" TV series. That's not even a joke. What's the film about you might ask? Why, just your average run of the mill man-turning-into-a-giant-mosquito that's all. Is it kind of a rip off of "The Fly"? Maybe. But it still sounds pretty cool and Lloyd Kaufman is in the cast. I don't know what else you people want.

I'm not trying to be the guy who doesn't like the movie that everyone likes here but I did not care for "Avatar". There, I said it. In all fairness I didn't see it in the theaters so maybe that's it. I kind of wanted the army guys to win. Those blue people were annoying. So I'm not that devastated by the news that "Avatar 2" will most likely not hit it's December 2014 release date. I also don't really like "Day Of the Dead". God, it feels good to get all this out there.

In a recent interview the burned one himself Robert Englund waxed poetic (I don't think I'm useing that right)... (that's what she said) about the "Nightmare on Elm Street" prequel that never came to be. Apparently there was even a script floating around about the events that led up to Freddy coming to be the nightmare stalker but the fat cats in Hollywood never got it off the ground. Stupid fat cats and their fat cat love of fat cat food. That makes no sense, I know.

Troma, mommy issues, and the latest internet prank sweeping the nation...