kristy

Horror Headlines: Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Welcome to July my friends, the most patriotic month in all the land. Unless of course you're not from America. If that's the case you probably just see it as a really hot month where all the Americans wear tank tops with American flags on them. It's a win for everyone.

I've never seen an episode of "Lost" but I know people are nutso for it and I know the final episode was crap. I think that's enough for me. But the rest of the interwebs might be excited to learn that Elizabeth Mitchell is once again teaming up with J.J. Abrams for a new show titled "Revolution." Mitchell will play a loving mother on the show that focuses on a family that must reunite in a post-apocalyptic world. Andrea Roth was originally set to play the role and she was on "Rescue Me" which is a show I did watch and no one hated the last episode of so I disagree with this move.

Olly Blackburn has replaced Gary Fleder in the director role in the upcoming Dimension Films slasher flick "Kristy." The film focuses on a young girl who stays in her college dorm over Thanksgiving break and finds herself stalked by 4 masked men. You might remember Olly Blackburn as the director of 2008's "Donkey Punch." I remember him as the guy who directed a movie I thought was a porn but actually turned out to be just a bunch of rich kids on a boat doing drugs and killing each other.

"Smiley" is a new horror film about a serial killer that can be summoned through the internet and actually looks not too shabby. Sort of. This isn't the news here though. The news is that the film will receive an October 11th release date via something called Tugg, Inc. which allows people to vote on what movies will be available at their local theaters. I don't know how that works so I'm not going to bother trying to explain. The film will also be available for viewing on the movie's website in both a PG-13 and R rated form. Later on it will also be available on VOD, DVD and Blu-Ray. Even later on though it will be available via interpretive dance performed by a local group of elderly tap dancers with hearts of gold.

If you saw "Shark night 3D" and thought "I really hope to see more of these actors sometime soon" then you're in luck because Chris Zylka, who was also on 2 episodes of "Hannah Montana", has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". No word as to what role he'll be playing and honestly who cares. The guy fought sharks, in 3D, anything he does is gold baby. Gold!

In Real People News: 

A woman in Australia figured she could get away with robbing a gas station simply by wearing a seriously low cut shirt and letting all her goods hang out, ignoring the fact that she's on camera with her face clearly visible and her glove-less hands put fingerprints all over the shop. Although at this time she's still.... at large... so maybe this tactic does work. I've watched the video 13 times and I still couldn't tell you what she looks like.

And here's a story about a man who had a 5 inch worm living in his eye. Feel free to throw up now.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday April 22nd, 2009

Jamie Chung and Jena Malone sign on to Zack Snyder's ("300", "Watchmen") next film "Sucker Punch". The film is set in the 50's, and follows a young woman unfairly thrown into a mental institution by her "wicked step-father", who imagines an alternate reality to hide from the pain. She then plans to escape the imaginary world, but has to steal five objects first, all while avoiding being caught by "a vile man". Whoa, I have no idea what that means but it sounds awesome.

Dimension films picks up "Kristy". The film is being compared to "The Strangers" and "Last House on the Left", and deals with a deserted college campus being besieged by a group of violent intruders.

Finally, after months of hearing about mundane, meaningless scoops from the set of Rob Zombie's "H2", comes word that we'll be seeing a trailer on Youtube this Friday. Rest assured we'll be on it when it lands.

Jonathan Skaech is highly positive about his "From a Buick 8" script, and says that Stephen King (the original author of the book) loves it. Unfortunately because of the economy, financing any film is difficult right now, but he hopes that it will go in front of cameras this fall. As for stars? He claims they "are going after big names right now". Hopefully we'll hear some more news about this adaptation soon.

In Real People News: 

Ahhh, nothing like the smell of freedom in Baghdad... unless of course you're a gay man, then I would prepare to have your butthole glued shut and diarrhea induced, probably killing you in the process. Well now, isn't that special.

Teenager in Arizona was so surprised to find a cop inside the car he was trying to steal recently, that he shat his pants. No idea why today's stories are so scatological, but I guess I'm just going to go with it.

Husband shoots wife in the head, kills himself... she gets up afterward, disoriented, and makes herself a cup of tea. The woman is alive and in stable condition, despite the fact that the bullet went straight through her brain and out the back of her head. Doctors are baffled.

On this day in history: 

1915: The German Army opens 5,700 canisters of chlorine gas upwind of French soldiers at Ypres. It is the first use of poison gas for military purposes.

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