Jake Gyllenhaal

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 20th, 2011

I was at work until 1am last night and back up at 7 to come back in. I'm so tired. Here's the news.

"Beautiful Creatures" is a sassy new love story about two young lovers who find out each others dark pasts. It's going to be oozing with delights. Margot Martindale and Zoey Deutch have just been added to the cast. That's the news here. This morning on the bus I blacked out for a few seconds and when I came to I thought the bus had plunged into the Hudson river for a second. It was awesome.

Jake Gyllenhaal is in talks to star in a new thriller currently titled "An Enemy". The film focuses on a man who rents a video that turns out to star himself five years in the past. Wait does that sound real? I seriously can't even see straight so I may have just made that up. It sounds made up.

Don't ask my why but "The Mortal Instruments" sounds like a porno to me. Alright in all honesty 90% of the movie titles I read sound like porno's to me. But this is a big screen adaptation of the book by the same name and it's about a NYC lass who discovers she's a half angel warrior. News today has dropped that Harald Zwart, who directed "The Karate Kid" reboot a couple years back will take up the directing duty. If you're thinking about having kids I'll give you some insight. Kids do not care what time you went to bed. If they want to wake up at 7 you're waking up with them.

Have you ever had a Trenta iced coffee from Starbucks? Trenta is bigger than their large size. It's pretty much a bucket. I've had two so far today. I can hear colors. The crazy ass Japanese flick "Mutant Girls Squad" is finally getting a US Blu-Ray release on may 22nd.

In Real People News: 

An Arizona man is under arrest after he drank a bunch of Four Loko and then peed on a baby. And as soon as my wife reads this there will be a 0% chance that I will ever enjoy a Four Loko.

I can understand this New Jersey woman's anger. She went into 711 and they didn't have any sausage sandwiches available at 4am so she started throwing crap. I also understand why the police would pepper spray her. But seriously, those sausage sandwiches are super good.

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 24th, 2011

A trailer for Danny Boyle's "Frankenstein" has made its way online and from the name I'm guessing it a retelling of the classic story but from the video I have no clue what the hell is going on. I would think you can't call a movie "Frankenstein" and then have it be about to star crossed lovers who find each other in the middle of an amusement park but what the hell do I know.

A new trailer for "Source Code", which I had no idea about but Duncan Jones made it and he made "Moon" so now I'm excited, has hit the tubes and it's your civic duty to watch it. I'm not even sure how to explain it because the description sounds fake but I think there's something about Jake Gyllenhaal trying to stop a bomb from going off, or a web site from crashing, probably the first one though.

You like the Ha-Ha yes? Good, if you said no I was going to ask you to get the hell of my lawn. But since you do here's the new trailer for "Paul" which stars Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as a couple of comic book geeks who come across an alien during a road trip. I swear you better like the Ha-Ha.

Flesh eating acid, a killer High School Mascot and a bunch of kids stuck in a school? Sign me up folks! Here's the trailer for the new flick from "Gutterballs" director Ryan Nicholson titled "Famine". Just so we're clear I don't want those things to happen to me, I just want to see a movie with it. Don't show up to my house dressed as a Spartan looking to murder me or anything.

In Real People News: 

An Oklahoma man who apparently thinks highly of himself was recently arrested while trying to sneak a chainsaw out of store by shoving it down his pants. Those things can't just turn on can they? I'm not very manly but I assume they can't but man that would be awesome if it had.

Stealing from someone and posting a picture of yourself holding the cash you stole on facebook is stupid. Posting that photo on the person's facebook page that you stole it from is crazy stupid. Or really ballsy. Mostly stupid because you'll get arrested for it for sure. But still, they must be the size of cantaloupes to pull that kind of crap.

Horror Headlines: Friday December 10th, 2010

Inspired by true events? Anthony Hopkins? Exorcism? Movie? These are all words you can read! There also words that describe the film "The Rite" which finally has a trailer. We're off to a good start today.

Patrick Alvarez, someone I have no idea about, has been tapped to direct "Girls", a movie about a girls slumber party gone terribly wrong. Apparently this is not a porn, which might explain the terribly wrong part. Or maybe that's just for me. At the very least there better we a tickle fight.

If you didn't see Duncan Jones' "Moon" then you missed out because it was awesome and it had zero Jake Gyllenhaal's. Unfortunately his follow up "Source Code" has one Jake Gyllenhaal but you should still give it a chance. Based on the new behind the scenes photos of the pic it might have a chance, if that jackass doesn't smile with the stupid goofy face of his.

Johnny Depp on the new Tim Burton film "Dark Shadows" which is based on the cult TV show, "it's gotten f**kin' good". That is all.

In Real People News: 

How do you slow down speeding drivers? Set up cardboard cutouts of police women in mini skirts of course. I can't believe it took this long for us to figure that out.

Even with a cold black heart I still couldn't help but get a little choked up about this one. Scrub is an adorable kitten that found it's way home 5 years after it was lost in hurricane Katrina. If you're not crying then you're a monster.

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