here there be monsters

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 10th, 2011

The plot for "Seven Psychopaths" might be the most confusing thing I've ever read but it also might have the greatest cast ever. The film is about a screen writer who finds inspiration when he gets caught up in a dog napping ring that mistakenly takes a psychopathic gangsters Shih Tzu. Still with me? Now to the cast, Woody Harrelson , Tom Waits and Olga Kurylenko have just been confirmed to join Colin Farrell, Christopher Walken and Sam Rockwell in the film. It's like the heavens read my diary and put together my perfect dream date.

If you loved "The Jungle Book 2" then you're going to want to sit down for this one. Writer Evan Spiliotopoulos, who also penned "The Lion King 1½" has been tapped to write the script for the upcoming big screen adaptation of the classic video game "Asteroids". Matt Lopez has already taken a pass but when you get a chance to work with the guy who wrote the script to the direct to video follow up to some classic Disney cartoons then you don't pass it up. That's just logic.

Ah crap! It looks like Robert Zemeckis has decided to step down as the as the director of the upcoming sea monster flick "Here There Be Monsters". No replacement has been picked and as of right now no reason has been given for Zemeckis' departure. I keep calling him but he must be busy or something. I'll keep trying though and let you know what I find out.

I trust everyone named Max. It's just a rule I live by. So even though I don't know a single thing Max Borenstein has done I still trust him to write the script for the upcoming remake/reboot of "Godzilla" for the Legendary Pictures. I'm not sure if they took my opinion into consideration while making their decision but I like to think they did.

In Real People News: 

If you're going to off yourself you want to do it in a big way. Like this guy in Texas who slit his wrists, stripped naked, doused himself in gasoline, and set himself on fire while sitting in his car on the side of the highway. Of course he survived and is now in the hospital but you can't say he didn't give it his all.

When you're 18 years old you'll do anything for some hot lovin. Like hopping on a bus and traveling from Arizona to Milwaukee to meet a girl you found online who said she'd do you. Unfortunately when you're a 21 year old female looking for a guy you and your roommate can chain up and cut repeatedly in a weird satanic sex ritual all you have to do is hop online and find a 18 year old to travel to Milwaukee to Arizona. At the end of the day the 18 year old got over 300 cuts and a script for what might be the worst eHarmony commercial ever.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 28th, 2011

Looks like "Tales From the Crypt" might be headed back to the little screen sometime in the not too distant future. But before you go getting your Crypt Keeper thong dusted off you should know that the series will in no way resemble the original series that went off the air some 15 years ago. The show will be an hour long series with a continuous storyline focusing on characters from the comic book, meaning no anthology here. The project still needs to be pitched to networks so there's a good chance this might not even land on HBO. God willing it'll at least be on cable though. No blood and boobs would just be sad.

Everyone's favorite cuddly Brit Simon Pegg is set to star in a new horror comedy title "A Fantastic Fear of Everything". The movie will follow a children's novelist turned crime scribe who is researching serial killers and becomes paranoid that the world is out to get him. I hope he ends up combining the two genres and eventually begins fearing little baby murderers because that would be adorable.

While we all sit and wait patiently for a "Con Air" sequel it looks like Nicolas Cage and John Cusak are teaming up for a new film titled "Frozen Ground". The movie is based on the true story of serial killer Robert Hansen who abducted 24 women, let them loose in the Alaskan wilderness and hunted them. Cusak will play Hansen and Cage will pay the law man who cracks the case. So it's kind of like "Con Air" if it had made you want to cry in the shower for an hour or so after watching it.

Legendary director Robert Zemeckis is in talks to get behind the camera again for a new sea beast flick currently titled "Here There Be Monsters". The films story focuses on Revolutionary War naval fighter John Paul Jones and his battle with sea monsters. I can't confirm this but I think it's based on a true story. The film is still in it's early stages but I'm already excited for the "Sea Men" jokes on the podcast.

In Real People News: 

An Arizona man is under arrest after he reportedly murdered his girlfriend after she confessed to cheating on him and then proceeded to continue living with her for about two months. But that would have to smell you might be thinking. Don't worry, he covered her in carpet cleaner and deodorizer. Problem solved.

And here's a warm little story about a man who took the only action you really can when you're refused alcohol at a restaurant because you're too intoxicated. He took out his manhood and shook it at the waiter. Just a warning though that the "only action" is also very much illegal and will get you tossed in jail.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

We discuss alien garbage chutes. And, other things...

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web