Frankenstein's Army

Frankenstein's Army (REVIEW)

“Frankenstein’s Army” is a found footage film about a unit of Russian soldiers who are fighting Nazis during WWII and searching for other missing Russians. Instead of finding missing soldiers they are forced to fight an army of “steampunk” monsters that have been created by Dr. Frankenstein, who apparently has been attempting to end the war by combining equal halves of communists and fascists brains.

Horror Headlines: Friday May 3rd, 2013

It looks like "Frankenstein's Army" will find itself with a limited theatrical run on July 26th. The film takes place at the end of the second world war when Russian soldiers discover a secret Nazi lab where scientists are using the work of Dr. Viktor Frankenstein to build an army. I can't think of anything funny to say here that doesn't make me sound like a monster.

Every book Stephen King has ever written will be made into a movie including "Joyland", which he hasn't put out yet. Tate Taylor of "The Help" fame will adapt the story which follows a student in 1973 who begins working at a carnival and finds himself wrapped up in the legacy of a murder. It's only a matter of time before we start making movies out of his drunken crossword puzzle mishaps.

I can't think of anything worse right now than a new "Dracula" movie but Sarah Gadon has been cast in one. I don't know who she is but she was on some show called "My Dad the Rock Star" which sounds like the second worst thing.

Rob Zombie says "The Lords Of Salem" will be his last horror flick for a very long time... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

In Real People News: 

Here's a Florida guy who broke into a couple's home, masturbated, played with their toy helicopter and then ate a salad. Don't worry though, he brought the salad with him.

I have always said if you see any sort of animal smaller than a deer crossing the road you should speed up and hit it head on. The reason? This guy in North Carolina avoided a dog and ending up hitting an old guy on a lawn mower. Animals are dumb is the point here.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 13th, 2011

Some more details on what we can expect from season 2 of "American Horror Story" are flooding the tubes. It looks like Ryan Murphy, the shows creator, is on the hunt for a Angelina Jolie in "Girl Interrupted" to battle with Jessica Lange in the upcoming season. I've never seen that movie but I do own a copy of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and if it's anything like that I think we've got a winner.

Oh boy oh boy! Showtime has officially dropped the premier date for season 7 of "Dexter" and what a date it is! September 30th. Isn't that a good date. Just turning to Fall time. The leaves are beginning to turn. People are starting to think about Halloween. I hope to be down two pant sizes by then. It's really going to be magical.

I don't know why but I always assumed David Cronenberg didn't even own a TV. Maybe he doesn't actually but he's working on a new show called "Knifeman". The series is a medical drama that follows the happening of a radical self-educated surgeon. Cronenberg will direct the pilot and play the producer role for the series. No word on what station this one will be on but I can't imagine Fox Family is going to pick it up.

I have no idea how to pronounce Karel Roden's name but he's been cast as a mad scientist in the upcoming film "Frankenstein's Army". The movie takes place towards the end of the second World War and finds the Russian army uncovering a creepy breed of living dead monsters that fight for the Nazi's. Sounds adorable.

In Real People News: 

"Excuse me ma'am. Have you seen this penis?" I'm not positive but I assume that's what a cop in Connecticut said when he showed a series of women a picture of his privates after stopping them for traffic violations. I mean that's what I would have gone with.

It's always upsetting when you think you've found the perfect job and then it turns out someone has turned the bathrooms into a piss dungeon. Or if the coffee sucks. Either one of those things are awful.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday February 8th, 2011

Jon Favreau says his new film "Cowboys and Aliens" actually has some horror tossed in there despite the trailers not really showing much to make you believe this. He then made a bunch of "Swingers" references, said "Vegas Baby, Vegas" and did some swing dancing. That guy just won't let it go.

Good news nerds! Jeri Ryan isn't dead. In fact she's landed the role of Sonya in the the upcoming "Mortal Kombat" web series, which apparently is a role she's played before. Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Cher all tried out for the role but Mrs. Ryan landed it. Congrats! I'm completely BSing about everything except her being alive and getting the part.

Here's a new poster and some stills from the upcoming Australian shark flick titled "The Reef". Honestly I think most of these are just screen grabs from shark week but still they look pretty cool. Sharks = awesome. That's math folks, look it up in a book or something.

Ever wonder what would of happened if Victor Frankenstein's journal got into the hands of the Nazis during World War 2? Sure, we all have. Well ladies and gentlemen I give you the trailer for "Frankenstein's Army" which finally answers your questions. At least I think it does, the trailer plays more like some weird German art student's final project. I think I saw a monkey painting a landscape on a horse. Weird stuff man.

In Real People News: 

"I was just growing some marijuana and I was just wondering what, how much trouble you can get in for one plant." A valid question sure, but not one you want to be asking a 911 operator. Good news though, the Connecticut man now knows the answer to that question because the cops came to his house to tell him.

And here's a Detroit area man who's being brought up on charges after playing pocket pool outside of a church. On top of that this guy's toupee is insane, like taking out your wang outside of a church insane.

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