crawl to me

Horror Headlines: Monday July 22nd, 2013

Spanish director Victor Garcia has been confirmed to direct the big screen adaptation of the graphic novel "Crawl To Me". The story follows a family living in a remote town during a harsh winter and the events that make them question their family ties. The series was created by Life of Agony bassist Alan Robert who I hold partially responsible for me not getting laid in High School so I plan on being pretty rough on this one. Oh god no one loves me.

I've always enjoyed Cliver Barker's "Nightbreed" but to be honest watching a 2 hour and 45 minute version of the film sounds like hell on earth. Still, people seem to go nuts for the film and cry out in anger at the thought of the hour shorter version that was in theaters and released on home video. Well thanks to the folks at Scream Factory the extended version, being called "Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut" will see the light of day sometime next year. Really I don't understand why in this day and age any move would be over an hour and 15 minutes.

Remember how awesome the original "Robocop" was? All the killing, blood and swearing? It was everything that was good about movies in the 80's. Well the makers of the remake are pushing for a PG-13 rating so it's not going to be awesome. In fact it's not going to have anything that made the original awesome. In fact, remember the "Robocop" cartoon? Picture that, but with less cool stuff.

A lot of people like that "Dead Space" game. I played the demo for 5 minutes and got confused so I refused to ever give it another go. That's a good story huh? Anyway EA is planning on making a big screen adaptation of the game. No real word on when or if the film is really going to happen but at one point John Carpenter had eyed leading the charge on the film. Of course at one point I though a Poison tattoo would be really cool so who knows how this will go.

In Real People News: 

You ever see a giant fireworks store on the side of the highway and think, "holy hell it would be super awesome if that place caught on fire"? Well a fireworks store in Rochester Indiana caught on fire, and it was awesome. Don't you wish you had been driving by?

Ever hear sounds in your head? Like a weird scratching noise now and then? Well this woman in London did and it turned out it was actually maggots that had crawled into her ear while she was on vacation in Peru. Good luck sleeping tonight.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, April 25th, 2011

This weather is killing me. One week we're complaining about the heat and the next we're bitching about the cold. Next week I bet we'll be all up in arms about how comfortable the temperature is. I'm so lost.

The folks over at Warner Bros, or The WB as we call it in da hood, have wrapped their well manicured hands around a new futuristic action flick currently titled "Law Zero". Bruno Zacarias and Miguel de Olaso are the masterminds behind the concept and are ready to roll on production.I have no idea who those two guys are but they sound Al sol que más caliente. I have no idea what that means either. I just found it on Google.

If I had to rank the Wilson brothers in order I would for sure put Owen in the top 5. And apparently the Dowdle brothers, who brought us "Quarantine", feel the same way because he's rumored to be taking the lead in their next film which is titled "The Coup". The movie is about a American family who find themselves caught in the middle of a coup trying to escape with only their wit and the talents of their adorable talking dog, Marmaduke. I might have that last part wrong.

The big screen adaptation of Alan Robert's graphic novel "Crawl To Me" has found itself a pair of writers in the form of David White and T.J. Cimfel. The book tells the tale of a family living in an isolated country during a harsh winter that makes them question their relationship and their existence. Some of you might know Alan Robert as the bassist of the band Life Of Agony. I mention that only because their lead singer decided he wanted to be a woman and now looks hideous and I think that's hysterical.

Ray Stevenson has signed on for the next season of "Dexter", playing the leader of a Russian organized crime syndicate. Stevenson previously graced the tiny screen with his role of Titus Pullo on "Rome" and i freakin loved that show. I didn't understand 75% of it but I loved it none the less.

In Real People News: 

In case you were wondering, you can be kicked out of a Legoland store for having a tattoo of a naked Tinkerbell turning on a light switch with her lady bits visible on your leg. Just something to keep in mind.

No jokes here folks. A man was killed yesterday at the Redhook Ale Brewery in New Hampshire after a keg exploded. I know what you're expecting here. Asshole Joe to make some joke about how it's a tragedy that all that beer was lost. But I'm not going to. He was cleaning the kegs when it exploded, there wasn't any beer in it. See, I'm not a monster.

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