Ray Stevenson

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Ray Stevenson, star of "Iron Eagle" 1 through 37 has been added to the cast of the next season of "Dexter". He'll play an owner a local strip club that is linked to a murder. The point here is there's a good chance there's going to be a lot of boobies.

I don't read horror comics because I only read on the bus and I'm embarrassed to be looking at silly picture books while someone is sitting next to me. Are you glad I told you that? The point is I've never read "Shambler" so I have no feelings about Bob Layton and David Michelinie being picked up to help adapt the comic about a scientist who finds a way to reanimate dead tissue for the big screen. I also don't like to read books with sex in them just in case someone is reading over my shoulder. Get to know me.

Lin Shaye, the gal who played Roy's landlord in "Kingpin", has been added to the cast of the new series "Hell Hunters". Bill Moseley and Michael Berryman are already a part of the show which follows a boy who adapts the powers of a comic book hero and hunts down scum. What's scum? Well Tom, that's bad types. Politicians, bankers, cattle-kings... Scum.... That's a "Young Guns 2" reference. You probably already knew that though.

One comic I have actually read is "Lobo" and now that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is rumored to be taking on the role of the painted one for a big screen adaptation I am its biggest fan. Unless of course if it doesn't actually happen. Then I'm just a guy who read 3 or 4 issues when he was 12 again.

In Real People News: 

So apparently it's illegal to tie someone to a tree and pelt them with eggs and beer. I'm sorry we did that to you in High School, Aron. Please accept my apology and refrain from calling the police. Although you were really wasted and may not even remember who did it. So if that's the case just ignore this whole thing.

Kids will find a way to turn anything into a crack pipe. Like your average inhaler for instance. This kid in Florida did not do that though, he just had asthma, but that didn't stop the school from confiscating his inhaler and refusing to give it back to him as he collapsed due to lack of oxygen. The war on drugs will have many casualties.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, April 25th, 2011

This weather is killing me. One week we're complaining about the heat and the next we're bitching about the cold. Next week I bet we'll be all up in arms about how comfortable the temperature is. I'm so lost.

The folks over at Warner Bros, or The WB as we call it in da hood, have wrapped their well manicured hands around a new futuristic action flick currently titled "Law Zero". Bruno Zacarias and Miguel de Olaso are the masterminds behind the concept and are ready to roll on production.I have no idea who those two guys are but they sound Al sol que más caliente. I have no idea what that means either. I just found it on Google.

If I had to rank the Wilson brothers in order I would for sure put Owen in the top 5. And apparently the Dowdle brothers, who brought us "Quarantine", feel the same way because he's rumored to be taking the lead in their next film which is titled "The Coup". The movie is about a American family who find themselves caught in the middle of a coup trying to escape with only their wit and the talents of their adorable talking dog, Marmaduke. I might have that last part wrong.

The big screen adaptation of Alan Robert's graphic novel "Crawl To Me" has found itself a pair of writers in the form of David White and T.J. Cimfel. The book tells the tale of a family living in an isolated country during a harsh winter that makes them question their relationship and their existence. Some of you might know Alan Robert as the bassist of the band Life Of Agony. I mention that only because their lead singer decided he wanted to be a woman and now looks hideous and I think that's hysterical.

Ray Stevenson has signed on for the next season of "Dexter", playing the leader of a Russian organized crime syndicate. Stevenson previously graced the tiny screen with his role of Titus Pullo on "Rome" and i freakin loved that show. I didn't understand 75% of it but I loved it none the less.

In Real People News: 

In case you were wondering, you can be kicked out of a Legoland store for having a tattoo of a naked Tinkerbell turning on a light switch with her lady bits visible on your leg. Just something to keep in mind.

No jokes here folks. A man was killed yesterday at the Redhook Ale Brewery in New Hampshire after a keg exploded. I know what you're expecting here. Asshole Joe to make some joke about how it's a tragedy that all that beer was lost. But I'm not going to. He was cleaning the kegs when it exploded, there wasn't any beer in it. See, I'm not a monster.

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