blade

Horror Comics: Marvel Studios regains Ghost Rider, Blade

In a recent Entertainment Weekly article (focused on Phase Two of Marvel's intertwined movie series), Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige casually dropped that the rights for two classic Marvel comics horror icons had reverted back to them. Ghost Rider, fresh off a flop of a sequel starring Nicolas Cage, was let go from Sony (who has a vice grip on the Spider-man film rights) due to lack on interest, and Blade was released from New Line Cinema (presumably because it was seen as a franchise that had run its course).

9 Vampire Hunters Not Named "Abraham"

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Opening this weekend is the bizarrely titled but conceptually interesting "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". His notoriety instantaneously makes the 16th President of the United States the most famous vampire slayer amongst his peers. Though it remains to be seen whether or not the film itself can live up to some of the other impressive slayers, killers and purifiers in the realm of cinema vampire lore. So in case Mr. Lincoln doesn't satisfy your bloodlust, here are 9 Essential Vampire Hunter Films.


9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Horror Headlines: Thursday December 23rd, 2010

Here's a new poster for "Unknown" staring Liam Neeson as a husband who visits Germany, gets into a car accident that lands him in a coma and then wakes up to find he's been replaced in the world. The horror of it? He has to stay in Germany to try and solve the mystery.

"Alien vs. Ninja" is a Japanese horror flick from the same producers of "Tokyo Gore Police". This means nothing to me because every Japanese horror film is the same, but I suppose it still might excite some. The film which revolves around a ninja who battles and alien hits DVD and Blu-Ray here in the US on February 22nd.

Anyone else remember those "Dorf on Golf" videos? Well Stephen Dorff apparently had nothing to do with those. He did however have a lot to do with "Blade" and is working on details for a prequel that would see him starring in the film as a sort of Scarface Vampire type. Still it would be nice if he did some golfing in a midget outfit. That crap was hilarious.

"There's Nothing Out There" is a movie I've never seen but it's from the gang at Troma so I can pretty much guess what I'd be getting. For those of you who have seen it, or if you want to see it, the 20th anniversary DVD will hit shelves on January 11th. Just in time for that special someone on your holiday list who you don't care enough to see before the actual holidays.

In Real People News: 

A man in Michigan returned a book to a local library after having it out for 76 years. Which is amazing because it's also the plot of my favorite episode of "Seinfield". It's like the TV knows the future or something.

And here's a freakin' robot waiter in China. I'm sure this will soon be followed by robot soldiers which will then be followed by robots killing us all and us moving into underground caves. So thanks again, China!

Horror Headlines: Friday March 5th, 2010

I got my tickets booked for Horrorhound Weekend, but it wasn't without my fair share of headaches. I was gonna leave on Thursday from Denver and stay at Casey's pad, but that flight done got all filled up. So, instead, I had to book my flight for Wednesday. It looks like I'll be camping in the airport for a day, maybe sleeping in the bathroom like Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happyness”! Inspirational!

Did you know they were remaking “Pet Sematary”? I didn't. I just learned that, like, two minutes ago. It's apparently going to be rewritten by Matthew Greenberg, writer of the failed King adaptation “1408” and the failed “Halloween” entry “H20”. Who do you think they'll get to “reimagine” the catchy theme song, originally performed by the Ramones? I'm, hoping it's Justin Bieber, so at least I'll have something new to masturbate to. That sexy twink is pure rape-bait!

According to MTV, Wesley Snipes would like to see a “Blade 4”. Sadly, no one else does. (OK, that was mean. The truth of the matter is that I love all three “Blade” flicks and would love to see a fourth. Sometimes the prerequisite cynicism of this gig eats away at me, forcing me to do or say things I don't mean to. Mr. Snipes, please, if the offer arises, make a new “Blade” and I will be first in line, no questions asked. (This promise also applies if you make “Passenger 58” or “Jungle Fever 2: Still Cravin' That White Meat”.))

I know that, because you're an imbecilic horror fan, you probably only listen to bands like Magick Karkass and Devilwhipper, but, if you can expand your musical horizons for two Goddamned minutes, neo-outlaw country singer Shooter Jennings' latest album, “Black Ribbons” is out. Why should this appeal to the oh-so-picky likes of you? Because “Maximum Overdrive” director Stephen King narrates the anti-New World Order-themed album as radio DJ “Will O' the Wisp”, who is about to lose his job as the airwaves is overtaken by 'government-approved and regulated transmissions.' I'm taking a moment to be serious here: this is a damn good album and, quite honestly, better than anything you're listening to right now.

In Real People News: 

You know what would be great? A cure for Autism. You'd think that pediatricians would be all over that, right? Naw... instead they are calling for hot-dogs to be redesigned. HOT-DOGS. TO. BE. REDESIGNED. (Even more baffling: how do you redesign at hot-dog? Make it into a cube? A large ball? And how does this bode for the bun industry?) CURE AUTISM, YOU LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING ASSHOLES.

Swiss condom producers have created “the Hotshot”, an extra-small condom designed for 12-year-olds. Or 31-year-old horror-news writers named Louis.

A Staten Island woman is suing her doctor for accidentally giving her a second pair of breasts. She claims in the suit that the botched surgery harmed her livelihood as a prostitute on Mars. Personally, she makes me wish I had four hands!

On this day in history: 

In 1046, Naser Khosrow begins the seven-year Middle Eastern journey which he will later describe in his book “Safarnama”. It was later rewritten by Jackie Collins into the novel “Hollywood Wives” and then made into a miniseries starring William Devane and Joan Van Ark. Tawdry!

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

Joe's going to hate this.

Podcast

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web