rider strong

Let's start the news this morning with a well-deserved laugh: the new Fangoria blog. LOL. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Some people say that this ultra-basic blog is the death-rattle, some people say it's a possible rebirth. I kinda hope it's like a guy who's been in a serious car-wreck and has severe brain-damage, leaving him a drooling imbecile who has no real motor functions but is still, sadly, barely alive for years and years, becoming a drain on their friends and family who secretly wish that he would just die so they can move on with their lives, causing brutal inner turmoil inside them because they know that it's wrong to think of their loved one like that. Kinda like that.

Over at Dread Central, they score a nice coup with a short interview with Rider Strong, star of Cabin Fever and, more importantly, Boy Meets World. And while he does a serviceable job discussing the Cabin Fever legacy, not once do they ask him about motorboating Topanga's big fat juggs. Seriously...face aside, I could plant a flag on that pasty chest and proclaim it as the property of Spain. My God...did you see her in National Lampoon's Dorm Daze? That movie gave me arthritis, if you know what I mean.

Five-headed mangina Joss Whedon and hipster documentarian Morgan Spurlock are teaming up to make what is going to be the most ironic, annoying and patronizing documentary ever about the San Diego Comic-Con. Let's place bets right now that the man-mammed Whedon stuffs the thing with scantly-clad “Slave Leias” and then uses some sort of pseudo-feminist BS to make viewers think that what they're watching isn't Maxim-level jerk-off material. Meanwhile, Spurlock will comb his handlebar mustache with a PBR can.

What a coincidence. The same week we review Ti West's "House of the Devil", his forsaken horror film "Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever" finally has a trailer land online. Word is that West had a falling out with Lionsgate over the film. Combine that with the fact that this is coming out about 5 years after anyone cares, and you have to wonder if it will even make a blip on horror fan's radars. Still, it's polar opposite material from "House", so I'm intrigued to see how West (and the Editors at Lionsgate) handle it.

Time for the worst thing you've ever seen to kick off your Monday... Selma Hayek as a bearded lady in "The Vampire's Assisant". The film was formerly known as "Cirque Du Freak", and stars John C. Reilly as a vampire who... has an assistant.

Rider Strong joins the cast of the indie film "Darkening Sky", about a man having alien abduction nightmares only to discover it's more than a dream.

First poster for Joe Dante's "The Hole 3D". The film follows two young brothers who discover a hole in their basement, and the hijinks that follow when they decide to venture into it.

Here's the full synopsis for Robert Rodriguez's "Machete"... and let's just say that once you match up the actor's names it's... special.