the helpers

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

I know you're all wondering so here's the breakdown of my showering activities. Shampoo, soap, rinse. Interesting huh? The problem is when I shave, which is only about once every two weeks because I'm a lazy prick, I tack on that at the end. What I should really do is Shampoo, rinse, shave and rinse again. Why you ask? Well because since I only shave once in a blue moon my facial hair has a tendency to get a little bit on the longer side and when I shave and hop right out of the shower I don't get all the little whisker bits completely off my amazing body.

Chris Stokes directed "You Got Served" and "House Party 4" so it should come as no surprise that his new film "The Helpers" is a hand held torture flick about seven friends who are being held hostage and brutally killed off one by one on camera. Wait no that doesn't make any sense at all. Take a look at the trailer. There's not one sign of anyone getting served. Unless you consider getting ripped in half "served". I think that's what they call it in Connecticut now that I think of it.

I had no idea Tim Burton was working on a stop motion animation flick titled "Frankenweenie". Mostly because I thought he made that 30 years ago in his basement but what the hell do I know. But here's a new still from the flick which looks to be a little more on the kid-friendly side. Sure the dog is dead but that doesn't make him any less adorable.

For those of you who didn't watch The Golden Globes this past weekend not only did you miss some of this season's hottest fashions but you also missed Jessica Lange taking home the gold for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television for her role on "American Horror Story". This is very exciting for horror fans because ya know... it's cool to see horror shows and movies win awards. Because then we can all go online and complain about how it's not horror and how the shows sucks and stuff. Should fill up most of today at the very least.

This shouldn't come as any surprise to people but "The Devil Inside" took a big old nose dive this past weekend, bringing in only about $8,020,000 at the box office. For those of you keeping score at home that's less than half of what it pulled in during it's Friday night midnight showings during it's opening weekend. I don't want to credit anyone for this turn but I did tweet that I was disappointed in the flick so at least 13 people would have been swayed by my opinion. Sorry Hollywood.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing I've learned from taking numerous trips to Virginia to visit family it's don't ever mess with the kids there. They have no sense of humor whatsoever. You especially don't mess with their juice boxes or you'll get stabbed. I have proof.

The story isn't so much interesting because an Ohio man was arrested for having child pornography on his computer. I assume that happens in Ohio almost every 8 hours. It's the fact that he's wearing an "Internet was down so I thought I'd go outside" t-shirt in his mug shot. Hey I get it!

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