russia

Frankenstein's Army (REVIEW)

“Frankenstein’s Army” is a found footage film about a unit of Russian soldiers who are fighting Nazis during WWII and searching for other missing Russians. Instead of finding missing soldiers they are forced to fight an army of “steampunk” monsters that have been created by Dr. Frankenstein, who apparently has been attempting to end the war by combining equal halves of communists and fascists brains.

Viy (REVIEW)

"Viy" is a Soviet Union era movie about a young seminarian named Khoma, who takes some kind of pilgrimage with two other priests in training. On their first night they stop to sleep at an old woman's house. For some reason the old woman seems to take an liking to Khoma in particular, and she corners him in a stable, and she catches him and picks him up, and begins to fly through the countryside with him. Apparently the old woman is a witch and when Khoma realizes this he flips out and beats her to death with a stick, but before she dies she turns into a beautiful young woman.

Horror Headlines: Thursday August 4th, 2011

I'm not sure who is excited about "Final Destination 5" right now. I sure as crap know 5 podcasters who are miserable about it's upcoming release. But for those of you looking forward to it's final destinations there's a whole boat load of new posters for your viewing pleasure. I think they might be in Russian though. I have no idea. What language uses a backwards 3 as a letter? I want to party with those guys.

I've beat the silly Italian accent into the ground when describing any sort of horror flick that's been put out by those pizza tossers so I'm going to take the high road on this one. "Morituris", which has a new trailer, is about a group of Roman soldiers who return from the grave to kick the cannolis out of anyone they come in contact with. Not going to lie it looks kind of bad ass. But I might just be fooled by the hot lix in whatever song is playing during the trailer. I'm a sucker for crappy shredding.

I'm positive that "The Darkest Hour" takes place in Russia although I didn't see any backwards 3's in the new trailer so I'm still kind of confused about the "Final Destination 5" posters. The movie doesn't come out until December but from the trail my spidey senses are all a flutter with excitement. It follows 5 tourists trapped in Moscow during an alien invasion of some sort of creepy weird light that turns everything into dust. I realize this sounds ridiculous but watch the trailer, you'll get strange tingles in new places too.

Never let it be said that the people at The Asylum don't come up with some of the weirdest crap to ever hit the straight to DVD selves. Their latest masterpiece is "2 Headed Shark Attack" which is about, as if you couldn't have guessed, a 2 headed shark that attacks a school-at-sea boat. No news on casting yet but they're shooting for a early 2012 release date. I can't wait for the sequel. I need to see a 3 headed shark attack.

In Real People News: 

I'm not a big pet person but you seriously have to be a cold hearted prick to kick a puppy so hard it's leg has to be amputated. I mean I can see a fully grown dog but a puppy? There's a special spot in hell for people like that.

And it looks like the puppy guy will have some company down there because here's a guy in Michigan who's facing 15 year in prison for stomping his girlfriend's Yorkshire terrier to death. Anyone else feel like eating a bag of Fig Newtons and crying uncontrollably right now?

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