Jurassic shark

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

I just waited through a 7 minute advertisement for some video game that gave me seizures to watch the new trailer for "Jurassic Shark". I regret nothing. The movie stars Emanuelle Carriere, who much to my surprise did not get her start in those late night Skinemax movies I watch, and is about a giant prehistoric shark that returns to bring death and destruction to a bunch of girls wearing next to nothing. I know, I'm excited too.

I know what you're thinking, why the hell isn't there a "Poltergeist" remake out there? I know you so well. Well good news kids because Roy Lee, the producer who brought you "The Strangers" and "Quarantine" says a reboot is very much a goal of his and hopes to have it out in the world sometime next year. I'm trying to track down his home address so you can go thank him personally. I'll let you know what I find, there's a lot of Lee's out there.

I refuse to explain to you the plot of "Silent Night Of the Living Dead" but I will tell you that both AJ Bowen and Tom Savini have joined the cast. I know it's tough love but come on, it's a play on the classic zombie flick and a Christmas song. What the hell don't you get? God do I have to wipe your ass too?

I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited about "Men In black 3". I don't know what it is but as my age gets up there I'm finding Will Smith more and more enjoyable. I'm just as surprised as you are! Anyway here's a look at the first poster for the film that is scheduled to hit theaters in May of 2012. Have you watched "Wild Wild West" lately? Seriously it's not that bad.

In Real People News: 

As a new father I can fully understand the value of a good deal. So it's not surprise to me when I hear stories about people going nuts on black Friday. Alright maybe some of the stories are a surprise, like this one about a bunch of shoppers in West Virginia who stepped over a dying man in order to get to their shopping. That's a little surprising.

And if you needed a little more proof that the world is coming to an end here's a story about a man who was dressed up as Frosty the Snow Man during a Christmas parade who was arrested for harassing police to "catch him if they can". The sky is falling.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 21st, 2011

Bryan Bertino is the dapper young fella who wrote the lovable hit "The Strangers" and now it looks like Mr. Bertino is putting pen to paper for a new flick titled "Grim Night". The movie will take place on the one night every year when the Grim Reapers come to earth to collect souls. I wonder if they listen to Collective Soul while they do it. Boom du da du da du da du dat YEAH! Trust me, it sounds just like them.

I'm not going to bother explaining the premise of "Jurassic Shark". If you can't figure it out by the name then you might have some sort of learning disability. But I will let you enjoy a new poster for the flick along with a bunch of screen shots of women in small bikinis. See how I work? I insult and then I give. I bet it's giving you some sort of complex. You loser... I love you.

Here's a few new behind the scenes photos from the set of "Resident Evil: Retribution". Much to my surprise there are none of Milla Jovovich eating butterscotch pudding, offering children hard candies or taking her heart pills. I guess I don't know her as well as I thought I do.

A couple weeks back I was the lone person on the podcast who thought "The Darkest Hour" looked pretty cool. I'm sorry if I'm just more cultured then the rest of my neanderthal co-hosts. It must be upsetting for you the listener to have to hear clips of the show where I'm not talking. So here's a new poster from the alien invasion flick! And it's in Russian. Dasvidaniya mutha trucka.

In Real People News: 

Yes this man who tried to turn his own doodie into gold by mixing it with fertilizer and heating it up sounds crazy... But if it had worked, man we'd all be rich! unless you're constipated. Then you'd be shit outta luck Haha get it!?

This guy's like some sort of modern day super hero. Not the crazy kind who dressed up in a costume and tries to fight people in the street. The kid that hacks into a child pornography sites and posts up the names of all the users. We should give him a medal and erect statues of him. He can wear a costume if he wants.

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