it's alive

Giving birth is the weapon humanity has against the constant attempt of nature to destroy it, the yin to death’s yang. It is the way that people gain a measure of immortality in the physical world, a way to make sure that half of the genetic information that makes up who you are continues on after you’re long gone. It’s also an amazing way to bring together humanity, literally combining two separate human beings at a genetic level, knitting them together more closely than any relationship ever could.

"It's Alive" is one of those horror comedy films that I have always heard a lot about but haven't had a chance to watch until recently, when I found it on Netflix Instant Watch. Written and directed by Larry Cohen, the movie features a couple, Frank (John Ryan) and Lenore (Sharon Farrell), who give birth to a monsterous, mutant baby who kills people when frightened. Despite the ridiculous premise, the movie is funny, original and at times, pretty darn suspenseful.

I admit I may have been fooled. Or foolishly optimistic. Either way, the album “Human Resources” from up-and-comer It’s Alive is not what I suspected it would be. Hearing the band’s name, I hoped that I was in store for a monster-themed fun-loving alternative metal romp. Rather, I was faced with yet another album that wallows in quasi-emotional distress, complete with gravelly vocals meant to engender sympathy.

I wasn't even born yet when the original "It's Alive" came out but when I finally saw it the film taught me one thing, never ever EVER have a baby. They will kill you. They won't even wait until they grow up to do it. Nope, a newborn child will come out of the womb and go straight into slasher mode. Fear the children, people.

In what amounts to “jumping the shark” for two icons of horror, Dynamite Entertainment has announced the four-issue limited series “Army of Darkness: Ash Saves Obama”. Apparently, the Necronomicon ends up in the White House and Deadite wackiness ensues. Maybe it's violent demon possessions and boom-sticking that's keeping Obama from crafting a plan for increased gay rights? Am I right, gays?? Can I get a what-what???

The remake of Larry Cohen's iconic mutant killer baby flick “It's Alive”, about, um, a mutant killer baby, starring unknown James Murray and the vapid Bijou Phillips, goes straight to DVD from First Look Pictures on October 6. First Look might as well be considered horror's charitable foster family, adopting such previously troubled horror movies as the “Day of the Dead” remake and Lindsay Lohan's pregnancy laffer “Labor Pains”, which I wish they had mashed “It's Alive” up with.

Is 2009 the year of Rob Zombie? For those of us with a mild distaste for Eric, let's hope so! Not only is the much anticipated “Halloween 2” coming soon, on September 22, Zombie's long-gestating animated comedy “The Haunted World of El Superbeasto” finally makes it's way to the small-screen. El Superbeasto is based on a character from his short-lived anthology comic series and featuring the voices of Paul Giamatti, Sid Haig, Danny Trejo and everyone else you'd expect from Zombie. (In other Anchor Bay news, they're also releasing one of my childhood cables faves “Hardbodies” on August 18th. It's a one-way ticket to Boner City!)