Horror Headlines: Friday, December 9th, 2011

It's Friday folks and let's take a little time to plan out our weekend. The Mrs. and I will be venturing to Hershey park with our 5 month old so we can put her on the lap of some stranger who smells like peach Schnapps and Old Spice simply because he's dressed up like Santa. It's the memories that will last a lifetime, the tetanus will only be around for a few months.

What are you doing April 12th, 2013? Washing your hair?! How can you possibly have plans already? Well you might want to cancel them because that's the date you'll finally get a chance to see the "Evil Dead" remake in theaters. And in turn that's the date you'll finally get a chance to lose your shit over the "Evil Dead" remake because you think it's a pile of garbage and the original is sacred and girls didn't talk to you in High School and now that your acne has cleared up they should probably give you a chance. All of those things will happen.

Alexandre Aja, the fella who directed the "Piranha" and "The Hills Have Eyes" remakes has officially been tapped to directed the upcoming big screen adaptation of Joe Hill's "Horns". The books tells the tale of a man who awakes one morning after a night of hard drinking to find he's sprouting horns out of his head. Then a bunch of other stuff happens, like he finds out who killed his girlfriend and stuff. There's some snakes too. The point is I read the book and I want people to know I'm literate.

Horror hot pocket Neil Marshal (I don't know what that means) is being eyed by the good people at CBS Films for their upcoming film titled "Hellfest". The film is about a Halloween themed park where one of the workers is actually going around killing people. This all sounds pretty awesome to me. The director, the story... the killing... well alright the killing part isn't awesome. Ya know, in real life and all. In the movie it's probably going to be cool. And I love roller coasters.

The trailer for "Battleship", a movie about the classic board game, hit a couple months back and looked like one of the most ridiculous things to ever be put on film. But reasoning be damned because Peter Berg is already talking about a sequel. And why shouldn't he. They've made three of those "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movies already and two "Garfield" movies. Alright to be 100% honest I watched the first Chipmunks movie over Thanksgiving break and it was delightful. They're so tiny and adorable.

In Real People News: 

A Virginia Beach man is under arrest after he apparently offered women college scholarships in exchange for allowing him to spank them. I'm not sure how these things works but I'm pretty sure if you set up a scholarship you're allowed to make whatever rules you want but maybe I'm wrong. The fact that it was called the Henry Allen Fitzsimmons Scholarship For Naughty Naughty Girls Who Need To Be Punished, or HAFSFNNGWNTB probably should have been a tip off too.

Meth Labs are illegal, no matter where you set them up, but you got to give this women in Tulsa credit for setting up shop inside a Walmart. I mean with their rock bottom prices and wide isles it really is the perfect location. Watch for falling prices!

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