Horror Headlines: Friday August 14th, 2009

So last week, I made the suggestion that I was Santana and BGH was Rob Thomas. This was met with derision, of course. I did enjoy the suggestion of me being Michael McDonald and BGH being James Ingram, but, of course, most of you have no idea who either of those guys are because they aren't on Roadrunner. OK, so let's try this: I am Jimmy Buffett and BGH are a large group of middle-aged yuppies who come to my concert to forget their workaday lives of strife. Fins to the left, gang!

Because we did it so well the first time, it looks like Legendary Pictures are in talks to bring back an Americanized version of “Godzilla”. While this news is quite maddening, what's really aggravating is how every movie news outlet that has picked up the story has used the headline “GODZILLA ROARS AGAIN!”. Seriously, guys? Maybe I expect too much for a guy with the moniker of “Mr. Disgusting”.

So, if the “Godzilla” news didn't screw up your morning, well, here you go: MGM has put the remake of “Poltergeist” on the fast track. Here's to hoping that the new Carol Anne lives to be 13!

Even though the movie won't be ready for another 37 years, Universal has released some new stills for The Wolfman. Is it just me or does Benicio Del Toro look like a cross between an almost transformed werewolf and Jet Li?

Is it weird that I've jerked-off to this video twice now?

In Real People News: 

A South Korean biotechnology firm is opening a “dog cloning center”. Suspiciously, the center is named “Super Happy #1 Buffet”, so I am suspicious of their intentions...

Remember that Will Smith song “Miami”? That was a great song. You know, now that I think about it, the whole “Big Willie Style” album was pretty good. Either way, some chick in Miami set herself on fire and continue to mosey through a mall. I guess you could say she was “Gettin' Flammable Wit' It!” Na,na, na, na, na, na!

According to a survey, the Dutch prefer a good dump to having sex. Here in America, we like both so we invented the blumpkin! GO USA #1 LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!!!

On this day in history: 

In 1908, the first beauty contest was held in Folkestone, England. Of course, being England, there were no winners. AW SNAP OH NO I DID NOT GO THERE OH I DID GIRLFRIEND!

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