the hunger games

Horror Headlines: Friday October 28th, 2011

Excited about the big screen adaptation of "The Hunger Games"? Want to see a ridiculous amount of posters for the flick? Ever been in a Turkish prison? The answers to these questions and more are now online! Well the poster one... and the internet can't really answer for you. I'm so confused.

What in the sweet hell is going on with this flick? On top of "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies" not being able to find a leading lady it looks like Craig Gillespie has now become the 3rd director to leave the flick. Ya know for a while I thought this might be my big chance to take on a directing role for a film but now I'm starting to think I might pass too when Hollywood comes knocking.

Welcome to planet erf! That's right folks, it looks like not 1 but 2 sequels are in the works for the 1996 alien invasion flick "Independence Day". Word around campus is the films will tie into the first but can also stand alone so that means if you happen to be baked out of your mind at the Malta Drive In the last time you saw the movie you don't have to worry about what you might have missed while unsuccessfully attempting to hook up with a girl who you're 99% sure was just using you for a ride. Ya know... if that happened to you.

I'm predicting there will be a lot of nerds out there who will pay for a ticket to see "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" and leave having no idea what happened. Why? Because they're going to be showing a six-minute "The Dark Knight Rises" prologue in all Imax theaters before the flick. I also predict "Tower Heist" will be this year's "Gigli". That one's for you, Eric.

In Real People News: 

It's almost Halloween my friends and you should all be putting your last minute touches on your awesome lawn decorations. One word of advice though. When setting up your homemade guillotine, try not to cut your own arm off.

I'm not saying I condone this but I completely understand. A Santa Fe woman is under arrest for stabbing her boyfriend after their game of Monopoly got heated. Look if you're not going to sell anything then what the hell is the point of playing?!

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

If the makers of "Real Steel" are right then we're just 9 short years away from robot boxing being the biggest sport in the world. I for one can not wait. In the meantime we'll have to settle for the new interviews/trailer for the Hugh Jackman flick which is set for an October 7th release. The excitement is more than I can handle. I hope I can sleep between now and 2020.

If you're like me then for some odd reason you still insist on watching the MTV Video Music awards even though the channel hasn't played music for years and you've reached an age where the performers both frighten and confuse you. But this year the rest of you might have a reason to watch now because it looks like they'll be airing a special first look at "The Hunger Games". Of course the fact that they're choosing the same outlet to premier this as they have for the "Twilight" films might be a bad sign but let's hope not. Let's also hope that Lady Gaga keeps her man-ass covered for the night too.

I've always kind of thought that Dennis Hopper was probably just like his character from "Blue Velvet" in real life. At least I like to think he was. And as a fellow hater of warm beer I'm happy to report that the David Lynch classic will finally be getting the Blu-Ray treatment on November 8th. No details on specs yet but it's the 25th anniversary edition and they wouldn't screw you over with that would they? Would they?!

I have no idea who the hell Damien Chazelle is but he's been tapped to write the script for the upcoming sequel to the BGH favorite "The Last Exorcism". What this means I don't really know but he's got an evil name so that's got to be good right? Then again his only writing credit is something called "Guy and Madeline on a Park Bench" so that's a bad thing I think. Unless you're into smart people movies then you probably own that one. You fancy now.

In Real People News: 

Who says that Chuck E Cheese is just for kids? The police, that's who. Case in point this Florida couple who are under arrest for child endangerment after employees at the local shop noticed they were so blitzed they couldn't even get the pizza in their mouths. I hope they at least got some time in the ball room. I bet that would be super fun.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night to find a strange man sitting next to your bed masturbating? This woman in Virgina did. Apparently it's not as common as I thought it was.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 1st, 2011

In a world of crappy remakes I was fairly happy to see that the trailer for the upcoming "Fright Night" re-telling didn't look like complete crap. Well now we've got our first clip from the vampire classic and it looks pretty... well kind of creepy and not in a good way. No vampires, no blood and no screams. Nope, just Colin Farrell tellin' a kid that his mom is in heat. Sexy.

If you live anywhere near New York City you have no doubt heard the constant crying from the locals about the filming of "Men in Black 3". Apparently the explosions make it hard to listen to their crappy indie rock records and that just won't fly. Well a few pictures from the set have hit the tubes and honestly I have no idea what part of the city these are from but I assume there's a pale man wearing owl rimmed glasses just out of the shot cursing Will Smith.

I've completely given up on reporting anything about "The Hunger Games" because I'm pretty sure by the end of this month just about everyone who's got a page on IMDB will be attached to the film. But now Donald Sutherland has been cast as the President of one of the nations that must send it's youngsters to battle it out. That's all for now though, the only way I'll mention any more casting about this movie is if they finally put me in it.

A gaggle of new posters have dropped for the new creepy stalker film "388 Arletta Avenue" and they're emoticon-riffic. It's a new saying and it's going to be bigger than "wazzup!". The move is shot from hidden cameras that are being operated by a creeper who's following the daily activities of a young couple. I have done the exact same thing to my neighbors for the past 3 years and if you haven't stalked someone before you're really missing out on something that's truly rewarding. Start now! You'll thank me later.

In Real People News: 

If you're trying to break the stereotype that wrestling is just two guys rolling around on the floor with each other you might not want to spend your time in the locker room slapping your teammates with your penis. Which is just what 4 teens in Wisconsin are being brought up on charges of sexual harassment for. This makes me wonder if the tickle fights that the wrestling team in my high school had when I was younger could have been considered a no no too.

A 22 year old women in Florida is under arrest after she gave her kid a few solid smacks after she discovered her daughter ate her stash of pot. Everyone knows you don't have to hit a kid if they eat your pot, you just have to shave their head and smoke their hair. That's parenting 101.

Horror Headlines: Friday April 29th, 2011

Elizabeth Banks is the latest name to be added to the cast of "The Hunger Games", a post apocalyptic flick that centers around a group of children who are sent to battle each other for their homelands. No clue what role Banks will play but if I was a betting man I'd say she isn't going to be one of the children. Unless they do that weird CGI adult head on a baby. But that's just creepy and no one wants to see that. Ever.

A couple of new stills and a poster have popped up on the tubes for Lars Von Trier's upcoming end of the world film "Melancholia". I don't care how many posters, stills or trailers they release for this movie that tell me otherwise I am 100% positive someone is getting a hammer to the penis in this film. You can't fool me Lars! You crafty son of a bitch.

As far as I know R.L. Stine's work has never made it to the big screen but it looks like that's about to change. While we wait for a Goosebumps movie to come to life his book "It's the First Day of School" has been picked up by the Holly of Woods and will be coming to the silver screen in the near future. I'm already looking to enjoying how uncomfortable it's going to be sitting along in a theater full of children because I have to watch this for the podcast. Piss off, Chris Hanson, I have to be here!

Well I can't say I'm surprised but I also can't say I'm excited. "Troll Hunter", my favorite movie of all time this week is going to see a U.S. remake in the near future. While nothing has been signed the film's director André Øvredal has confirmed the remake will be happening but the good news is he sounds positive about it. Or at least that's what people think, everything those Norwegians say sounds like the recording of a talking German robot being played backwards.

In Real People News: 

A 24 year old Australian man is going on trial for the murder of his roommate after they got into an argument after he refused to turn off his Limp Bizkit CD. If my roommate in college tried to murder me every time I forced him to listen to Limp Bizkit I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Durst fans, we need to unite.

Wait it's illegal to drive around McDonald's parking lot and run over ducks? Since when!? Who gives a crap about ducks? F this crap. I say we all drive to Michigan and demand this man be released! He isn't in jail you say? Well let's demand he be put in there and then released immediately.

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