scream 4

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 5th, 2010

Did anyone other than Mark see "The Collector"? Follow up question, did anyone see it and like it? Didn't think so. Well news today that there's going to be a "Collector 3D" and it's going to be in.. well, 3D. You probably guessed that from the title though.

"She Wolf Rising" is not going to be a good movie but here's some pictures of Tiffany Shepis who stars in it rolling around. There's really not much news here but I think you'll appreciate it nonetheless. So uh, how's your week going? Some weather we're having huh?

So that whole unrated thing kind of backfired didn't it? Not to be outdone by Canada, "Hatchet II" has now been pulled from US theaters. But man those 2 days that it was showing sure were special weren't they? Did anyone get to see it? Tell me what it's like to love.

Take a look at this new picture from "Scream 4" and try to tell me you don't feel a little bad for Ghostface. It's him and a bunch of his other Ghostface friends riding a bus to school. But look, they're all sitting alone, none of them are friends. My heart is breaking.

In Real People News: 

Mark it on your calendars folks, today PETA did something I may actually agree with. A California restaurant has pulled the "Dancing Shrimp" off of their menu after complaints from the animal rights group. What's the dancing shrimp your might ask? Well it's a live prawn that has it's shell ripped off and then you get to squeeze lemon on it and watch it "dance" AKA jump in ungodly pain until it dies. Adorable.

On this day in history: 

1968 – Police take batons to civil rights demonstrators in Derry, Northern Ireland – considered to mark the beginning of The Troubles.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 24th, 2010

There's some new photos from "Scream 4" online and it might just be me but Courteney Cox is slowly starting to look like the Ghostface guy. I think I just figured out the ending! They're twins separated at birth. Genius!

Guillermo del Toro is keeping his fingers crossed that he can cast Ron Perlman in his next flick, "At The Mountains Of Madness". The film is based on the H. P. Lovecraft novella of the same name and will apparently be in full on 3D. Ron Perlman in 3D? Get ready ladies!

Chloe Moretz, who you know from "Kick Ass" and "Let Me In" has landed the lead role in the upcoming big screen adaptation of the popular comic book "Emily the Strange". Exciting news for her, but even more exciting news for us in 10 years when she starts doing smack and goes off the deep end. I can't wait!

In Real People News: 

With all the blood sucking, porn like sex scenes and foul language I'm a little confused as to why this didn't happen sooner. "Sesame Street" will be doing a parody of "True Blood" called "True Mud" for it's new season which starts next week. Muppet Vampire sex, think about it.

On this day in history: 

1996 - The United States and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear weapons.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday August 24th, 2010

"Piranha 3D" didn't break any box office records this past weekend but a sequel has already been announced. Not a big surprise I guess but I am looking forward to seeing how they bring back Kelly Brook. What I mean is please bring back Kelly Brook... please!

If this memo is to be believed than it looks like we'll be seeing the teaser for "Scream 4" in theaters sometime this November. If it's fake a bunch of people will talk about how stupid all of us were for thinking it was real. One thing is for sure though, I have absolutely no desire to see "Scream 4"

Steven Spielberg along with Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci are planning on bringing Joe Hill's "Locke & Key" to the small screen in the near future. The comic book revolves around a couple of kids who watch over a old mansion filled with spooky doors that send them to different worlds and give them super powers. With so many people with classy sounding names attached to this there's no way it can't win.

Good news everyone! "Saw II" the video game will be available for your PS3 and Xbox 360 on October 19th. Alright I really have no idea if that is good news but it can't be any worse then "Saw 3D" coming out shortly after.

In Real People News: 

Police in New York found an 18-inch alligator that crawled out of an overflowing Astoria storm drain and hunkered down beneath a parked car on Sunday. Enjoy your commute pricks!

On this day in history: 

1992 - Hurricane Andrew smashed into Florida, causing record damage; 55 deaths in Florida, Louisiana and the Bahamas were blamed on the storm

Horror Headlines: Friday July 2nd, 2010

It's almost the 4th of July and in honor of this glorious celebration of freedom we have the trailer for "Let Me In". For those you no familiar with the film let me school you. A couple years back a bunch of Vikings made a movie where a couple of pale kids talked for two and a half hours and one of them was a vampire. Luckily for them we took that boring film, fixed all the problems and now will be offering it to you on October 1st. Let freedom ring!

With "[REC] 2" already out on VOD and finding it's way to a limited theater release next week, co-director Paco Plaza sat down to give his thoughts on where he sees the film franchise going and what his favorite type of sangria is. Knowing that the film is an import from Spain I was pretty excited to see the entire interview is in English. Either that or I can read Spanish now... No that can't be it. U-S-A! U-S-A! Oh the sangria thing was a lie.

I made myself two promises this week. I wouldn't post anything about "Predators" or "Scream 4". Is that one promise actually? I was never good with math. But honestly it's a really slow day and there is squat for other news out there so here's some info on three new cast members who have joined the good fight in "Scream 4". If one of them was a giant monster alien who hunts people this would of tied in nicely.

The internet is all a-buzz with news that Andrew Garfield will play Spiderman in the next installment of the series which is set to be released in 2012. Really I have no idea who the guy is but he was in two episodes of "Dr. Who" apparently so I figured the nerds would be all damp with excitement about the announcement. The real story here is that "Spiderman 4" is going to be in 3D so that means there's a good chance Kirsten Dunst's tooth is going to poke someones eye out. Watch out kids!

In Real People News: 

Ya know what this world is missing? A "Golden Girls" porn parody. I know I'm pissed I didn't think of it too. Now you can stop using your body as a amusement park to old re-runs like a sicko and watch a movie specifically made for your own personal loving. Ya mental patient.

This might be the sweetest story I've ever read. A women in Hungary refuses to eat a cucumber shaped like a penis because it reminds her of her husband too much. And I thought romance was dead. No these aren't tears. Don't look at me!

On this day in history: 

1961 - Author Ernest Hemingway, 61, shots himself to death at his home in Ketchum, Idaho.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 1st, 2010

Gilmore Girls alumni Lauren Graham has decided that Wes Craven's upcoming "Scream 4" is no longer something she's interested in. Actress Lake Bell also left the project last week, leaving me to wonder what the hell is wrong with this movie.

In remake knews, more details are starting to emerge about the forthcoming "It" remake, a project I'm particularly excited about. Although I might be crucified for saying as much, the original really isn't that scary, and the material could certainly use an update. Let the flames begin.

Because the entire world wants it, Sony Stage 6 is preparing to shoot "Hostel: Part III" this August. The feature will be directed by Scott Spiegel, the man responsible for the grossly underrated slasher "Intruder". I'm sure you're as excited as everyone else about this project.

In Real People News: 

What's worse than having the guy sitting next to you on the plane break wind during the entire flight? Having scores of maggots fall on you from the luggage compartment above your head. The culprit: A suitcase full of spoiled meat. Yummy!

If you think the family dog isn't capable of chowing down on a three month-old baby, think again. Normally I'd say something snarky and oddly inappropriate, but even I'm a little disturbed by this one

Horror headlines: Wednesday November 25th, 2009

In a recent interview, Neve Campbell drops hints that Wes Craven may indeed be back for "Scream 4". While not official, it could be good news for this franchise reboot.

Rueben Fleischer, director of "Zombieland" reveals in a recent interview that 3D is a definite possibility for the planned sequel.

Stephen King lets slip to David Cronenburg that he has ideas percolating for a sequel to his classic "The Shining". With King however, that could still be decades away.

Want a good approximation of the new Freddy Krueger makeup? Then check out this new figure from NECA toys.

"Left 4 Dead 2" not fully filling your zombie killing quotient? 2k Games has released its first official expansion for "Borderlands", "Zombie Island".

In Real People News: 

Bangladesh has passed new laws to regulate the sales of sulfuric and hydrochloric acid, formerly available to anyone off of the street. All of this is to curb a recent rash of guerilla acid attacks used to melt people's faces.

A man suffering from common joint pain rubs himself down with rubbing alcohol mixed with rosemary. After dousing himself, he steps into the street to light a cigarette and sets himself on fire.

A 14 year old Poquoson boy dies horribly by falling into a wood chipper.

On this day in history: 

1867 - A patent is granted to Alfred Nobel for dynamite

Horror Headlines: Friday October 23, 2009

I went to a midnight screening of SAW 6 last night. While I can hear the collective groan of most of you, I love those movies and this one is the best one yet. Lots of great kills, lots of smart twists and, weirdly, an incredibly persuasive health care reform stance. Jigsaw actually delivers a monologue about the insidiousness of the insurance companies and the need for change! Yes we can! Here's to hoping that SAW 7 3D will take a stance on high gas prices! “Greetings, Mr. Exxon. I'd like to play a game...”

Have you ever wanted to see Neve Campbell's moist, lip-quivering histrionics in the THIRD-DIMENSION? No? Well, sorry, but according to a Bloody Disgusting “exclusive”, Scream 4 will be shot in 3-D. Speaking of 3-D, Roger Ebert just wrote a great piece about how if you like 3-D you are an idiot. This Scream news really brings his point home.

Steve Niles confirms that 30 Days of Night: Dark Days is currently in production and starring such acting luminaries as...well, all that matters is that Diora Baird is headlining. I don't have to be a vampire to know what of hers I'd like to suck! (To clarify, it would be her breasts. Possibly her vagina, depending on her bathing habits.)

Rob Zombie, perhaps the greatest (horror) director of all-time, announced on his Myspace that his soon-to-be-classic Halloween 2 will be returning to theaters next weekend, just in time for the holiday. That's great news but, really Rob, Myspace? It's hard for me to defend you when you're still using an archaic social networking device as your primary news delivery system. Can we get a Facebook, or a Blogspot or something? I'd be willing to do it for you...

In Real People News: 

One time, when I was around 12 years old and living in Oklahoma City, my dad sent me to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. I would walk to the store because it was only a few blocks and, while the neighborhood wasn't the best, there was very rarely any violence. As I was walking back, carrying some steaks, some ice cream and a two-liter of diet Doc Shasta, two chipped-tooth teenage toughs came out from the side of an apartment and pulled a gun on me, demanding my groceries or else they would “put a cap in my foot”. My dad, an ex-cop, would always sit on the front porch with a .38 (this is obviously where I get my paranoia from) and, when he saw these kids pull a gun on me, he reacted quickly and shot one of the kids in the back, while the other one took off running. Needless to say, dinner tasted great and the little bastard was paralyzed for life. Why do I bring this up? Because if this guy carried a .38, he'd be eating a delicious chicken dinner tonight.

In good health? Speak English or Russian? Have a background and work experience in medicine, biology, life support systems engineering, computer engineering, electronic engineering or mechanical engineering? Then you are the perfect candidate for a simulated 520-day Mars mission! I prefer just going to Rekall. KUATO LIVES!

Remember when science was all about fact, or at least searching for the truth? Dr. Holger Bech Nielsen and Dr. Masao Ninomiya have announced their theory that the giant atom-smashing Large Hadron Collider is being “jinxed from the future to save the world”. Yep. Our best scientists believe that time-travelers are sabotaging the collider. In related news, guess who Obama just appointed as our new science czars!

On this day in history: 

In 1915, 30,000 women march on Fifth Avenue to advocate their right to vote. And so began the decline of America.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 16th, 2009

Last night, I bought a bag of candy corn at Target and, somehow, ended up eating the whole bag. While it is relatively guilt-free treat (it's a fat free candy!), when I woke up at 4 AM, with sugary foam and dried wax-like candy bits clogging my throat while throwing up orange-syrupy goo, I realized just how much I actually hate candy corn. I still have no idea why I got it. (Of course, as I type this, I just put a stray piece of corn that I had dropped on the floor last night in my mouth.)

The big news today? That the much jizzed-on “Paranormal Activity” goes wide, and all thanks to the 1,000,000 of you that took the time to vote online! Sure, we're in the middle of two wars, the dollar is becoming useless and we are on the verge of eating our pets, but, hey, entertainment reigns supreme! The best thing about this massive hype? I can't wait for the sure-to-come backlash now that everyone can see the movie without having to resort to midnight movie theatrics. For more info, click here. To join the Army, click here.

What's the other big news on every single Goddamned horror movie site? In a just posted Twitter, Wes Craven thinks that Kevin Williamson's “Scream 4” script “sounds fantastic”. In other Craven/Twitter news that hasn't made it to the news sites yet, today he's eating “tomato soup for lunch...again”, “hates traffic on the 405” and wants to know if you've heard about “that krazy balloon boy in Colorado”.

According to Variety, “Universal Pictures has set Chris Messina to star in "Devil," a horror-thriller based on an M. Night Shyamalan story that will be directed by John Erick Dowdle and Drew Dowdle.” I have no idea who Chris Messina or the Dowdles are, but if M. Night Shyamalan has something to do with it I AM THERE. That man is a cinematic genius. Just like Rob Zombie.

In Real People News: 

OK. So the real news is this a-hole family, the Heenes. They live up the road from me and it was exciting to watch the balloon escape right from my backyard, penis filling with blood at the hope that, at any minute, a child will tragically come falling out of the flimsy cardboard basket. And that was before we found out they were media whores who appeared on “Wife Swap” and put their kids in a music video called, ahem, “Not Pussified”! My advice to young Falcon? Keep trying to reach the stars, son! UPDATE: The boy just vomited on the Today Show!

Midget wrestlers Alberto and Alejandro Pérez Jiménez-- aka La Parkita (Little Death) and Espectrito II, respectively--were found dead in a hotel room after they were poisoned and robbed by a pair of devious hookers believed to be part of an organized crime ring of murderous prostitutes. I FUCKING LOVE MEXICO.

In one Chicago area high school, 115 girls are preggers. That's 1 out of 8. My (jimmy) hats off the to graduating class of Louis Fowler Memorial High School!

On this day in history: 

In 1916, Margaret Sanger founds Planned Parenthood. This puts the former birth control clinic, Kick Your Whore Ass Down the Stairs, Inc., quickly out of business.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday August 5th, 2009

Tons of new pics from "Sorority Row". Not going to lie, these people know how to market the crap out of a movie with tons of hot chicks. Not that it's hard, but still, I give them credit.

Kevin Williamson talks "Scream 4". Yes, this is really happening people. Brace yourselves.

5 clips from "A Perfect Getaway", the vacation themed thriller in theaters this Friday.

David Leslie Johnson, who wrote last week's release "Orphan", has been hired by Leonardo DiCaprio's production company to pen an updated version of "Little Red Riding Hood".

Speaking of kids no one wants... Larry Fessenden has been tapped to direct the English language remake of "The Orphanage", the 2007 Spanish film. This remake is also being produced by Guillermo Del Toro, who helped organize the original.

In Real People News: 

In this guy's defense, getting up to go upstairs to pee is really tough when you're tired. So why not just urinate on your front porch. And if you're like this guy, rub one out while you're there... just for good measure.

The British Government approves a plan to put 20,000 "problem families" under 24 hour CCTV surveillance IN THEIR HOMES. And all without even the hint of irony... this is terrifying.

Son missed his dead father, so he dug him up and brought him home. Something I learned today: that's frowned upon.

On this day in history: 

1962: In her Brentwood, California home, Marilyn Monroe dies in bed, naked, after swallowing an overdose of sleeping pills. Rumors persist to this day that the CIA had her killed in order to cover up her alleged affair with JFK.

Horror Headlines: Friday July 17th, 2009 Part 2!

This has been the hardest news to write. Not because I have writer's block, but because my Gateway laptop is on it's last legs. About every ten-to-fifteen minutes of pounding away on it, out of nowhere it lets out a high-pitch squeal and shuts off—kinda like my wife. ZING!

But, seriously, I need a new laptop.

This Wednesday, the newest Harry Potter movie grossed over $50 million dollars. When I hear news like that, it makes me feel like not only are we not in an economic depression, but that we all lead comfortable enough lives to take a day off—a Wednesday, no less—and see a movie. Can't do that in, say, Iran, right?

David Arquette has confirmed that he and his pet shrew Courtney Cox are in Scream 4, no matter what pile of stank that writer Kevin Williamson turns in. I'm still holding out for Ready 2 Rumble 2 to be filmed in his backyard with the stars of the Juggalo Championship Wrestling Federation , which I just learned existed. Rowdy Roddy Piper is a member. I have no faith left in humanity. Or at least the wrestling part of humanity.

I'm a huge fan of the Nicolas Cage remake of The Wicker Man. Huge fan. I had a poster of it on my wall for the longest time. So, when I heard that they had started production on the sequel, I literally creamed my jeans. Just picture: all that cream, filling my jeans, pouring out of the legs and leaving a huge damp spot. But, that sweet jean creamery was short-lived, as, once I had read further in the story, I learned that they are quasi-sequelizing the original 1973 cult film starring Christopher Lee and Edward Woodward. The plot for the film, which has something to do with Christian musicians, sadly, does not include anything about Nick Cage coming back to the island in a beekeeper's outfit and a flamethrower, ready to kick some matriarchal ass. Unless it's the twist ending, in which case, BEST MOVIE EVER!

In Real People News: 

A huge blob of goo is floating down the Alaskan Coast at a leisurely pace. It's art imitating life, if you consider Creepshow 2 art. I do.

While we're all trying to outrun aquatic blobs in Alaska, nature continues to run amok in other parts of the world in only the most delicious of ways! First, in Spain, a tween girl caught a nine foot catfish. Them's a lot of tasty nuggets! Pass the tartar sauce! Meanwhile, in San Diego, monstrous giant flying squid are washing up on shore, bringing calamari prices to an all time low. If mutant lobsters would start appearing, I'm buying a ticket to San Diego and telling Red Lobster's Lobsterfest to screw off!

The Department of the Treasury is looking for a comedian to conduct “humor in the workplace” programs. I am currently working on my act, but so far, it's mostly about how different black dudes are from white guys. For example: “Black presidents be spendin' money on health care, but white presidents be spending money on missiles! Did I miss something? But you know who really loves spending...women! White or black, man, women be shoppin'! I'm like, bitch, I just passed a stimulus plan for $1 trillion dollars and you're buying $500 shoes? Bitch gonna die!”

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