Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 3rd, 2009

The director of "Ultraviolet" has been tapped to write and direct the remake of "Total Recall". The film will not go back to the original source material, Phillip K. Dick's novel "We Can Remember it For You Wholesale", but will rather be a direct remake of the film.

So I'm sitting here, wondering to myself, how you call this a remake of "Scream" when in the announcement you discuss getting original actors back in their original roles. Isn't that just... you know... a sequel?

I can't possibly be the only one who's a tad uncomfortable by Elizabeth Shue's giant muscles from this paprazzi pic on the set of "Piranha 3d", could I?

The lovely Courtney Ford, who should be familiar to you from the highly recommended scifi romp "Alien Raiders", has just joined Season 4 of the hit Showtime series "Dexter". She will play "a reporter who crosses paths with our favorite forensics expert/serial killer, Dexter Morgan".

Reports are coming in that the first trailer for "The Final Destination" will be landing in some theaters this Friday. So keep your eyes peeled when you go back to see "Drag Me To Hell" for the fourth time, k?

In Real People News: 

Woman loses 95 pounds over 8 months by restricting her diet to only 13-15 Red Bull's a day, has a heart attack. Bummer, you were THIS close. Doctors also claim she went through "widthdrawals" while in the hospital, typically seen in hardcore drug addicts.

Thank God I never have to worry about having my corpse cut up so it will fit inside a coffin because I'm too tall. No, I suppose all I have to worry about is being stuffed into a box with another short person to try and save space. Ah shit, that doesn't sound very fun either.

On this day in history: 

1791: The French Assembly passes a resolution bringing decapitation to the common criminal: "Every person condemned to the death penalty shall have his head severed."

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