snow white: deadly summer

Horror Headlines: Thursday, December 7th, 2011

Let's make a promise to each other to do as little work as humanly possible today. Let's also make a promise to each other that none of us will watch Madonna's Super Bowl half time show.

Call me an old softy but I love Bananarama's "Cruel Summer". The workout montage from "Karate Kid" alone makes the song a classic. And for that reason alone I will love the new film "Snow White: Deadly Summer", a retelling of the classic story that has Snow White stuck in a prison camp where everyone is dropping dead. I realize this is a pretty big stretch on the whole Bananarama thing.

There are many reasons the poster for "Final Destination 5" should be banned but because it's too scary is not one of those things. But that's what's happened in the UK. Apparently the poster is too scary for kids and has been taken off the market where it had resurfaced to promote the release of the DVD. Silly I know but what I've always said is you can never trust anyone who drinks tea, let alone an entire country.

If your kid titles his "what I did on my summer break" essay "I Survived a Zombie Holocaust" then you might want to get him some help. If he wants to see the new movie "I Survived a Zombie Holocaust"... well you should probably get him help also but maybe let him check out this group of new stills from the flick about a zombie movie set that gets overrun with real zombie. But seriously, your kid might have some problems.

It's no surprise but that doesn't make it any less upsetting. Lionsgate Vice President Michael Burns recently sat down with CNBC (there's a sentence I never thought I'd write) and hinted to that fact that you'll most likely see a new "Saw" film in the future. He also announced the return of New Coke and the Apple Cube.

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story for the Holidays about a son who beat the crap out of his mom with his friends after she threw out their Bud Lite. I know what you're thinking, I'm going to make some awful comment about how she was asking for it. But 'Eff those kids. Drinking Bud Lite! They should go to prison for that.

I'm not up on the latest parenting techniques but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't bite your daughter's face as punishment. Even if she was drinking Bud Lite.

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