Saxon Sharbino

Horror Headlines: Monday September 30th, 2013

Is having to pee in the middle of the night just something that happens as you get older? I don't know when the last time I actually slept through the night was. I'm telling you right now kids, once you reach 30 your life is pretty much just a wide awake nightmare.

The good folks over at Image Entertainment have gone ahead and picked up the U.S. distribution rights to "All Cheerleaders Die", a new horror comedy written and directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson. The flick follows a young loner who joins the cheerleading squad and her pissed off ex-friend who tries out her spooky witchcraft on her and her new cheermates. Is cheermates one word or two? Is it even a word? God I hate Arcade Fire.

"Night Film" is an awful name for a movie. It's an even worse name for a book. And, yes that's right you guessed it, it's the worst possible name for a movie based on a book by the same name. But it's happening, there's no fighting it, and it's find a director in the form of Rupert Wyatt. The movie follows a reporter who's investigating the suspected suicide of the daughter of a horror film director. Well alright, I guess the title makes sense, but still it shouldn't be happening. Not on my watch.

Zach Galligan took to his twitters to announce that he'll be playing the lead in the upcoming big screen adaptation of Brian Keene's "The Cage". The movie will focus on a group of employees at an electronic store who find themselves trapped in the store after a gunman comes in and starts shooting people. You see it's a metaphor. "The Cage" is actually the store. Because the people are trapped in there. I get things and I like to make sure people know that I get things.

Saxon Sharbino, who kind of looks like the mom from the original "Poltergeist" has signed on to play the mom in the remake of "Poltergeist. This works put pretty well because if I have one complaint about remakes it's that people never look like people from the original movie and that confuses me. Also the thought of there being another Craig T. Nelson out there has given me a semi. I'm kidding, Sam Rockwell is playing the dad. He also gives me a semi. Don't judge me.

In Real People News: 

Ahh boy, it's always tough when your homemade porn finds its way online. It's even tougher when your homemade porn includes a dog. And by tougher I mean illegal.

I have never been able to understand how anyone could be a preschool teacher. Not because I don't respect the job but because you're dealing with a bunch of screaming kids the entire day. This guy in California though, he was a pre-school teacher until he hit one of the 6 year olds he was suppose to be watching with a metal chair. So I guess maybe I could do the job.

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