jack the giant killer

Horror Headlines: Monday, January 23rd, 2012

Yes there's a ton of found footage movies out there but have you ever been watching one and thought, "This is ok, but I bet the WWE could do it better". Well today's your lucky day because WWE Studies have picked up the rights to a new film titled "Bermuda". The flick will tell the story of a documentary film crew that goes missing after boarding a ship headed for the famed triangle of doom. Any sarcastic wrestling comment I make now will be based on what I remember from watching it 25 years ago and that'll just make me look old. So let's just move on.

A few weeks ago a 97 minute trailer for Tobe Hooper's "Djinns" hit the tubes and I'm not going to lie, I didn't have it in me to watch the entire thing. Well I got good news and bad news. The good news is there's a new trailer for the demon infested apartment flick that runs just under 3 minutes. The bad news is 75% of it isn't in English and there's no subtitles. I'm still going to call this a win though.

"Humans Vs. Zombies" might be the worst title for a zombie flick ever imaged but if you couldn't tell by the WWE story above it's kind of a slow day so let's pretend like this next bit is exciting. Hey awesome news! "Humans Vs. Zombies", "Boggy Creek" director Brian T. Jaynes' latest flick, will be hitting the DVD selves on May 8th. DVD and Blu-Ray will feature all kinds of extras and special comic book for your reading pleasure. Mother of god today is the greatest day of my life. Sorry first child being born day.

"Jack the Giant Killer", a movie about a guy named Jack who kills giants (I figured that out on my own) has had its release date pushed from June 15, 2012 to March 22, 2013. No word on why the push is happening but the movie stars Ewan McGregor and that guys accent is so thick that my best guess is that they're going to need extra time to dub over his every spoken word. Have you seen "Trainspotting"? You need the subtitles to figure out what the hell those junkies are babbling on about.

Lastly we're all giddy here at the BGH offices to hear the news that "The Last Exorcism 2" has found itself a director in the form of "This Beautiful City " mastermind Ed Gass-Donnelly. Need more exciting news? The filming for this sucker is going to begin next month. More?! Anyone who shows up to the set will be able to enjoy the Kraft services table for the entire time the movie is filming. Alright that last one is a lie, I got caught up in all the excitement.

In Real People News: 

Got to give him points for effort. A Tennessee man apparently dressed up as his dead sister in a attempt to fill her Xanax and hydrocodone prescriptions. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that when someone passes away their prescriptions automatically transfer to their closest relative.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 23rd, 2011

Kate Bosworth, Diane Kruger, Eva Mendes and Paula Patton are all reading for parts in the upcoming remake of "Total Recall". It's like some sort of weird twisted version of "m/f/k" (Google it) except there's an extra. Let's make the fourth "take a nice afternoon stroll". Feel free to post your picks in the comments.

Tiffany Shepis as a stem cell researcher? Sure what the hell. The movie is called "The Frankenstein Syndrome" and will go directly to DVD, shocking, on July 5th for your viewing pleasure. To celebrate this wonderful announcement there's also a new trailer for your peepers to enjoy of the science gone terribly wrong flick. I have confidence in Shepis and her medical skills though. Everything should turn out fine.

Ian McShane could come to my house, make a number 2 on my kitchen table, pee in my ice box, and I'd still high five him. Because he was on "Deadwood" and called more people c-suckers then I'll meet in my lifetime. And now Ian has been added to the cast of "Jack the Giant Killer", a horror take on the classic kids story. I'm speaking of course about "Green Eggs and Ham".

For those of you who have been patiently awaiting the big screen version of "World War Z" I'm about to toss some sand in your underthings. Word around campus is the when and if the film actually gets made it'll carry a PG-13. Of course if you're 11 this might be great news. But now that I think of it, if you're 11 please don't Google the m/f/k thing. No one should learn the birds and the bees from a guy like me.

In Real People News: 

Old people, they so crazy. Here's a 92 year old woman in Florida who demanded a kiss form her 52 year old neighbor and wouldn't leave his house until she got one. So she left, went home and got a gun, and shot twice into his house. Adorable.

I'm not lawyer but if you asked me for a list of things not to bring to your DWI hearing, a beer would be in the top 5 for sure. But I do appreciate the balls of this New York man who did that. Of course if you're hammered you're probably going to get caught anyway so why not avoid all the questioning and just put it right out there.

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